"WOW!!!! It's so pretty!!" Maddie exclaimed as she bounced into the room, effectively saving me from further embarrassment.
She ran to her brand new ballet barre and looked into the mirror, seeing her reflection and smiled. Jumping up and down, she abruptly turned, obviously seeing Logan in the mirror. She immediately catapulted herself into his surprised arms.
He looked stunned at first, but then melted. His arms wrapped around her, holding her as she embraced him chanting thank you, over and over again.
"You're welcome, princess. Your Mom helped too," he said, adjusting her onto his hip like a seasoned pro.
"Yeah right." Maddie commented.
She knew her Mommy well.
I stuck my tongue out at her and made a face, which sent her into a fit of giggles.
Neither Logan nor I could help but laugh right along with her. Her laugh was infectious. You couldn’t help but be happy when you were around her.
Still laughing, Maddie grabbed Logan’s face with both hands, looking at him square in the eyes. This was always her preferred method of getting people’s attention. It was hard being small. She adapted.
“Dr. Matthew! You should stay for dinner! My Mommy can cook for you.”
Well, I guess we just invited the friendly doctor to dinner.
I held my breath waiting for his answer. He looked at Maddie and then shifted his attention to me. I saw the gears in his head grinding, obviously trying to work something out. He had a look of hope when she asked, and in the brief seconds he considered her offer, his face went from hope to despair.
“I’m sorry Maddie. I shouldn’t.”
He didn’t say he had plans, or maybe another time. He said he shouldn’t. Like it wasn’t a good idea. The dark shadows were floating around his eyes again, and we were all silent as we headed for the stairs. Maddie was still firmly in Logan’s arms, although she wasn’t laughing anymore. It was then that I realized this was the first time since Ethan died that Maddie was being held by another man, other than a family member. And now that man was leaving. The realization left me a little breathless.
Slowing as we approached the door, Logan asked Maddie "Hey princess, have you ever been to a real ballet?"
She shook her head, saying "No, Mommy tried to take me to Swam Wake, but she couldn't get tickets."
He looked at me, amused by her fumbled words, as I mouthed "Swan Lake" to correct her.
"Well, it just so happens that I have three tickets for this upcoming weekend. What do you say we all go?"
Maddie's eyes lit up in sheer manic joy, looking to me for permission.
"Logan, are you sure? That’s very generous," I said, seeing Maddie was about ready to explode, waiting for my answer.
He nodded, flashing Maddie a wink. "I'm positive. Every ballerina in training needs to go to the ballet. And being a significant donor to the Performing Arts, I think it’s time I cash in some of those privileges."
“Thank you. We would love to.”
We would also like to know why you’re so damn hot and cold all the time.
He sat Maddie down and we exchanged numbers so that arrangements for dinner and the ballet could be made and before I knew it he was gone and Maddie was jumping up and down, screaming that she was going to see the “Swammie's”!
Chapter Six
~Logan~
“When you called and asked me to hang out, I honestly thought you were dying or something,” Colin said as we settled into the booth of the sports bar he had picked out.
It was late afternoon on a weekday so the bar was mostly empty. A few regulars milled about watching the screens and chatting with each other. Colin and I chose a corner booth, away from everyone else. It had been awhile since we’d seen each other and we both felt seclusion was needed.
Colin had been my best friend since grade school and yet I felt like I didn’t even know the man who sat across from me. He still looked the same. Same large build from years of football and lacrosse. Same short blonde hair cut, hazel eyes and cocky attitude. But everything else felt foreign. I’d never felt so uncomfortable with him. And it was my fault.
“Yeah, I know. Look, I’m sorry,” I stuttered out an apology.
There were so many apologies I didn’t even know where to start. Sorry for being a shitty friend. Sorry for being an ass**le, etc. The list was endless.
“Logan, I get it. You got f**ked over. You put on a bit of a thick skin, okay? But dude, you gotta let someone in.”
I never shared with Colin what actually happened with Melanie. That probably wasn’t fair to her, or Gabe. The media made them out to be the guilty party, and yes, she was the one who cheated. But I was the one who drove her to it. I should have just let her go, had divorce papers written up early, and given her the chance to move on without the glare of the photographers. But I kept putting it off, fearing that if I did give her up, I would be admitting something to myself. Something I’d long since feared growing up, and had come to dread ever since my wedding night when I looked at my sleeping bride alone in bed, and realized I didn’t love her. The consuming fear that I was incapable of loving another and there was something essentially missing in my DNA or upbringing that kept me from feeling true, deep and meaningful love.
Meeting Clare gave me spark of hope. She stirred emotions in me that had long been dormant. I still felt like I should run, leaving her to wait for someone who deserved her. But I was finding it difficult to stay away. Every time I tried to push away, I found myself waging internal civil war, completely conflicted until I ended up texting her just to get a goofy response, or calling her at night to hear her voice.
When Maddie had asked me to dinner, I wanted so badly to say yes. I wanted to be that man. But I was so scared of letting them down. Seeing that photo of Clare in the arms of her dead husband, her eyes so full of love and hope, it shredded me. I can’t imagine what she must have gone through when she lost him. What if I hurt them? So I did the only thing I was good at anymore, I started to run. And it almost worked. Until I made it to the door. I couldn’t walk away.
I needed advice, and the only person I trusted was the friend I had been avoiding for far too long. Thank God he was a better friend than me.
“I’m trying, Colin. I’ve met someone.”
His eyes flared in surprise, and he nearly spit out his beer.
“Like a single someone that you plan on seeing more than once? Cause bleeding your heart to a one-night stand isn’t what I was going for. Although, if you want to share other details on that front, I’m totally cool with that.”