“Is there someone in here?”
My heart was no longer pounding; it had stopped. The door opened and it was Mrs. Andrews, peering in. I dropped to my knees.
“Oh, hello dear. I saw that the door was open, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay.” I looked up and tried to look as calm as I could.
“Oh, I was just looking for one of my earrings. I only found one this morning, and I remembered I’d been in here last week and thought maybe I’d dropped it, but no luck.” I sighed to really play it up as I got to my feet.
“Would you like me to help you look for it? Four eyes are better than two.” She started to come into the room, but I knew if she did that she’d smell the air freshener and then there would be questions that I couldn’t answer, or at least come up with a good enough story to explain.
“No, that’s all right, I think I’ve combed this room a million times.” I moved toward the door and she had no choice but to back up as I shut it and locked it again.
Sexcapade: Accomplished.
10
I scurried to the bathroom to check my hair after I nearly got busted by Mrs. Andrews and realized I needed to, um, actually do my job. I loved my job. It was challenging and interesting (for the most part) and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Having an office tryst with Lucas was not going to change that. Or change me. I barely knew the guy, and I wasn’t going to let having sex every now and then with him alter my life.
When I got back to my office, Lucas was back at his desk and he gave me a wink as I walked by. I glared a reprimand at him, but then I slowed my walk and wiggled my butt just a tad before going into my office and shutting the door.
Nothing was going to change, except that I would be sexually satisfied and that was a good thing for everyone.
“What’s the verdict?” Sloane said the second I walked into the apartment that night.
“Can I just put my bag down?”
“Yes, but while you’re doing it tell me how it went with the undies?”
I put my bag down and sighed. To tell the truth, or not to tell the truth? That was the question.
“Well, Lucas seemed to like it when he ripped my clothes off in one of the conference rooms and proceeded to bang me on the table.” Sloane’s mouth dropped open.
“Are you f**king serious? You had sex in your office?”
“Not in my office. But yeah, we did.”
“You dirty slut!” she said slapping my arm, but it was a term of endearment. “I knew you had it in you. Oh my God, you have to give me details. Chlo is coming over by the way. She’s been extra emo lately, so I told her she needed to stop moping and listening to Evanescence and come over.” That was probably a good idea. I hadn’t talked to her in a few days, but I knew Sloane called and texted her frequently to make sure she was doing okay.
“Poor thing. I’ve never seen her take a breakup this hard. We need to get her laid. Do you know any attractive single lesbians? Or anyone who’s bi? We just need a rebound lay and then she should be fine.”
“I work in a building full of men. So not really.”
“Hm, we’ll have to do something about that. But anyway, tell me about the dirty office banging. I want all the details. Who was on top?”
This was going to be a fun night.
It got even worse when Chloe arrived because she wanted to hear all the details as well, because she didn’t want to talk about her breakup or rebounds or anything about herself, so I was forced to tell the story again, and against my will, I got hot and bothered and I just wanted to go to my room with Mr. Buzzy and relive the experience alone.
“Wow,” Sloane and Chloe said at the same time as I finished my second retelling.
“Yeah,” I said as I sipped my second glass of wine and grabbed another chip from the bowl and dipped it in hummus. Yes, we were classy bitches. We also had salsa, animal crackers a jar of frosting, and carrots and celery with ranch dressing. It was unofficial dip night.
“I’m jealous and I don’t even like penises. You know, the plural should really be peni,” Chloe said, grabbing another chip and popping it into her mouth.
“It should,” I agreed.
“So are you going to make it a regular thing?” Lucas (I’d given up on calling him Mr. Blaine. Once a man’s penis has been inside you twice, you can’t call him that without feeling weird), had asked me the same thing and I really didn’t know the answer. The stakes were pretty damn high, and I wasn’t about to throw my career away on a f**k buddy.
“I don’t know. I should say that I’m going to end it, but I seriously don’t want to. And then I feel horrible for even considering it. I love my job and I would never do anything to put it in jeopardy and oh GOD, if my dad ever found out, I can’t imagine what he’d say.” I shuddered just thinking about it. That would be so much worse than the time I’d gone to an unsupervised party in my teens and gotten drunk and passed out on the front lawn, only to be discovered when the party holder’s parents had come back from Martha’s Vineyard a day early.
“I shouldn’t even be considering if it’s going to happen again. I’m a terrible person,” I said, shoving my face into the couch.
“No, you’re not. You just haven’t gotten laid in a while and you need someone to clean out your pipes,” Sloane said and Chloe and I made identical sounds of disgust.
“It’s times like these that make me glad I’m a lesbian.” We all drank to that.
“I don’t know what to do. I mean, I know what to do, it’s the doing that’s the problem.”
“Actually, it’s the not doing, in this case,” Chloe pointed out.
“Yes, that’s so helpful. Okay, we did it once. It was great and I got it out of my system. But it’s not going to happen anymore. I’m putting my foot down. No more.”
“Hear, hear!” Sloane said. We all toasted again and pretty soon the food trays were empty and so was the second bottle of wine.
“Why couldn’t he just be a regular guy? Why does he have to be my secretary?” I said, peering into my empty wineglass.
“Don’t you mean sexcretary?” Sloane said with a giggle. Two seconds later I joined her and we all giggled helplessly.
“You should make him take a memo,” Chloe added, and even though it wasn’t that funny, we burst further into hysterics over it and then we started with an endless string of dirty office jokes.