I was exhausted.
“Is something wrong?” Lucah said the second he saw me. I didn’t have the energy to hide my emotions. Not with him.
“I’m so tired, Lucah. It’s all too much.” I put my head in my hands like Dad had earlier.
“What is, Sunshine? Talk to me.” He reached out and tried to tug my face so I would look at him. His beloved face, so twisted with concern made my heart ache.
“I just . . . life is just a lot to handle right now, that’s all. I’m having a bit of a hard time.” I was able to hold a lot of the tears back, but a few escape and raced each other down my face. Lucah picked up a napkin and wiped them away.
“Is it everything with Ryder? Because he’s moving out really soon and then we’ll have our place—” I shook my head to stop him.
“It’s not Ryder, specifically. It’s everything. It’s work, and worrying about Dad, and hoping that Ryder doesn’t go down the deep end again, and wondering what’s happening with him and Sloane, and everything with Violet. Then there’s you and I love you so much and sometimes it scares me. It’s everything.”
“Shh,” he said, wiping some more tears. “It’s going to be okay. You’re the strongest woman I know, apart from my own mother. You’ve taken on so much at a young age, and you’re always so worried about everyone else. You just care so damn much, Sunshine.”
I did. I did care too much. It was one of my flaws.
“But I wouldn’t have you any other way, because you’re the woman I fell in love with. And it scares me because I’m afraid that all this caring is going to hurt you, break you. It’s too much for one person to handle.” I had to nod because he was right.
“I’m okay, Lucah. I promise. I just need a reminder once in awhile. Good thing I have you around. What would I do without you?” More than anything else, losing my job, everything, losing him was at the top of the list of things I was scared about.
“Oh, you’d be just fine. I’m the one who wouldn’t survive.” He got to his feet and took my hands and pulled me up to mine. I had no idea what he was doing.
“Dance with me,” he said, putting his hand around my waist. Soft music was playing in the restaurant, but it wasn’t the kind for dancing, really. It didn’t matter.
“I would be honored, Mr. Blythe.” I put my other hand on his shoulder and rested my head against his chest and we started to sway. People around were probably talking, and we were definitely blocking the path to the bathroom, but we didn’t care.
Lucah hummed a tune in my ear that I didn’t know, but it was nice, so we danced to that instead of the crappy piano music being piped through the restaurant.
He spun me out like we had at the Ball, and even though I didn’t have a gown on, I twirled and imagined I did as he pulled me back in and dipped me, nearly hitting my head on the edge of the table.
“Sorry. I’m not used to dancing in a confined space,” Lucah said, pulling me up as I laughed.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” We swayed a little more and I could feel the eyes of the entire place on us. Not all of the looks were complimentary, and I wanted to shoot those people a chosen finger, but I didn’t.
The waitress came with our food and we had to sit down, but Lucah gave me a kiss on the side of my head before letting go of my hand and sitting across from me.
We ate and I slipped off my shoes and we played footsies under the table and before dessert he made me get up and dance again. I swore I heard someone gagging while they sat at the bar, but I definitely ignored it.
“Are you happier now?” Lucah said, as we held hands and walked back toward the office.
“Always when I’m with you. Even when we’re fighting. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He hummed the song we’d danced to and I asked him what it was.
“Oh, nothing.” I asked him again, but he wouldn’t answer me. It seemed silly, but I let it go. I was feeling much better, and even though I had to go back to work, I was lighter and the pressure wasn’t suffocating me as much.
Maybe I should see a professional. It probably wasn’t normal or healthy to stress as much as I did. I’d always gotten away with it because I had a high stress job. And my parents had always let me get away with it, probably because I was an only child. They didn’t have another kid to compare me to, so whatever I did probably seemed normal, for the most part. And Sloane. She’d always let me get away with it as well, and for the most part she’d ignored me, or just waited until I was done with my freaking. Royce. He’d always told me that I was a drama queen. I’d hated him every time he’d told me that and it was shocking how many times he said it and how many times it made me want to punch him.
Why on earth had I dated him? I couldn’t see a single reason anymore.
But it was true. I’d been surrounded by enablers nearly my entire life.
I thought about enablers and worrying the rest of the day, and even when Lucah and I rode the T home. He probably sensed that I was thinking too much and let me for a while. It was almost magical how he could sense my needs.
“I love you,” I said, leaning against him as we walked back up to the street from the underground world of the subway tunnels.
“I know. And I love you, too. I will never ever get tired of saying it. So do you want to talk about what’s been occupying your thoughts? Or do you want me to bring up something else?”
That actually reminded me of the text I’d sent Marisol, which was a much happier subject, and one I wouldn’t mind discussing.
“Actually, I have something. I was thinking that we should invite Tate and April to Marisol’s benefit. It would be great if we could get all the Blythe men together. Since things are going well now and all.” I waited to see what his reaction would be.
“I think . . . “ he said, keeping me in suspense for a moment, “I think that’s a great idea and I wish I would have thought of it. The tickets are expensive though. And with them having a new baby—” I interrupted him.
“Already taken care of. I got their tickets when I got ours. I hope they don’t think that’s charity. Well, charity for charity.” I started giggling and couldn’t stop. The stress had really gotten to me and I was at the point where things that weren’t normally funny became funny.
Lucah chuckled with me, but it wasn’t as humorous to him.