Sloane licked her dry lips, waiting in silence, wondering what Chase had to say. She understood it was serious and knew he’d put a lot of thought into where, when, and how to share his feelings with her. She understood too that whatever he had to say would determine their future, and her heart pounded hard in her chest.
“Talk to me.” Reaching over, she grabbed his hand, needing to feel his heat and strength.
“Remember I told you my dad died and I took over all aspects of the family?” His eyes dilated as the memories overtook him.
She nodded. “Of course I remember.”
“Well, I was sitting and holding Lilly, Roman and Charlotte’s baby, and marveling at how this little person had already wormed her way into my heart.”
She shivered at the imagery he’d given her—Chase, his big, strong hands holding a baby—and she wished it were their baby he was holding. Wished and hoped that’s what he desired too. “And?”
“And I started thinking about how she was another person for me to protect. Then it dawned on me.” He met Sloane’s gaze. “She wasn’t my responsibility. She’s Roman and Charlotte’s. But I still had this initial, instinctive need to protect her.”
Sloane smiled, her grip on his hand tightening. “That’s because you’re special.”
“It’s because I’m a controlling son of a bitch,” he countered, laughing at his self-imposed description. “And while holding that little baby, I realized why.”
Sloane resisted the urge to curl into him, to kiss him, to tell him the whys didn’t matter.
Because they did. She’d pushed him away once before and now he was giving her what she needed to trust him, the reasons for his sudden change of mind. If he understood why he was ready for a one-eighty change in his future, then he’d never look back and regret it.
She leaned forward, wanting to hear more.
“I guess this need to be in control of the people I care about, their lives and their well-being, started when my father died. It was damn obsessive, but my mother was too grateful to care, and Rick and Roman were strong enough to find their own way despite me.” He shook his head, his laughter self-deprecating.
“No, Rick and Roman were strong enough to find their own way because of you, ” Sloane countered.
“Well, it doesn’t change the fact that I developed that white-knight complex you mentioned because it gave me the illusion of being in control. The illusion of safety.”
He drew a deep breath, and Sloane waited, wanting him to feel no pressure, only support.
He leaned his head against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling. “In my misguided mind, I figured if I controlled my family and was always there for them, I wouldn’t lose them . . .” He paused as his voice cracked. Then clearing his throat, he continued. “I wouldn’t lose them the way I lost my father.”
His admission struck Sloane in the heart. She’d only thought she understood this often silent, mostly enigmatic man, but she hadn’t known his deepest pain.
She did now and she regretted forcing him to dig so deep that he had to suffer. “I’m sorry. I pushed you away when I should have realized you understood yourself well enough not to offer more than you could give. But I was afraid too. I’d just been through a betrayal with Michael and Madeline and it affected me more than I’d been willing to admit to myself.” She shook her head. “But I shouldn’t have pushed you away in order to fight my own insecurities. I’m sorry.”
He brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “Don’t be sorry. In the end, you brought us back to each other.”
She shook her head. “Then why do I feel so selfish?”
“You’re not selfish. You’re honest and real. And obviously we both had more things to work out than we were aware of at the time.” He shrugged. “That just makes us honest and real.”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“Besides, you were right. I did feel guilty I wasn’t there when you were shot. But more because I could have lost you than because I wanted to be in control of things. I want you in my life, Sloane. Now and forever. I’ll never look back and wonder what if. ”
“How can you be sure?” She bit down on her bottom lip, hating the fact that she had to ask.
Chase turned his head to the side. “Sweetheart, I wrote the article of a lifetime and it left me cold and empty inside because I didn’t have you.”
Sloane released the breath she hadn’t been aware of holding. More than anything, those were the words she needed to hear. That she added to his life and didn’t take away from it. “I read the article and it was masterful, Chase. You did such a professional job, yet protected my family in a way no other reporter would have.”
A smile twitched at his lips. “I couldn’t exactly trash the family I want to marry into, now could I?”
Ignoring the pain in her shoulder, Sloane came to her knees and threw herself into his arms, pushing him back down against the couch. She stared into his deep blue eyes and knew there was no place she’d rather be for the rest of her life than with this man whose love and caring ran so deep. “Say you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” He laughed, shifting his position to accommodate her. He managed to maneuver her beneath him, so he straddled her hips. “I am one hundred percent sure I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Married with children?” she asked, certain she knew the answer.
“Because when you talked about holding Lilly, all I could think about was you holding our baby in your arms.”
“Honey, there’s nothing I want more.”
Sloane exhaled hard, finally able to breathe. “I love you too, Chase.” She wrapped her good arm around his neck and pulled him toward her. “Now kiss me.”
“With pleasure,” he said, and sealed his lips against hers, this time knowing nothing would come between them. Not fear, not mistrust, and not the past.
He slipped his tongue inside her mouth, making love to her at the same time his lower body rode in insistent circles, pressing his groin hard against hers.
“Want to try making that baby now?” Sloane asked, breaking the kiss and breathing hard.
“Right here?” He reached down and unsnapped the button on her jeans. “Right now?”
“Yes. Oh yes.” Her hips jerked upward as she tried to help him, hindered by the use of only one hand.