“Why?” she blurted out. Even as the word passed over her tongue and between her lips, she regretted saying it, knowing it sounded so plaintive and disbelieving.
Those chocolate eyes turned pensive. “You don’t realize how smart and funny and”—he growled a bit, squeezing her into him, one hand playful the other stroking her arm—“how sensual you are. You’re the whole package, Josie. Let me in,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.
“Let you in?” The leer in her voice was evident.
“Not like that,” he objected.
“Not any of that?” Deflecting was easier than directly saying what her heart was screaming. A stark boundary that she’d drawn around herself long ago, fortified against calls like the one she’d just had with Marlene, was rapidly disintegrating with each second she spent with Alex. She could almost feel it, fading away inside her. A diffuse sense of trust seeped in layer by layer as she inhaled him, let her fingertips trace his jaw line, smiled a musing little grin of acceptance.
“Well, some of that,” he backpedaled.
Her smile spread to a full-on grin as she leaned into him and kissed, inhaling deeply, breathing him in, making him part of her.
“You’re nervous,” she murmured, their lips still together.
“Yes.”
“You don’t seem like you’re the nervous type.”
“I’m not.” He shifted one hip and their bodies touched in new places, his rock-hard shaft pushing up under her. A swell of need raced through her, forcing her to control her breathing. Just ha**ng s*x would be easy.
Suddenly, Josie didn’t want easy. Pulling off her clothes and f**king him right here on the couch, or on the floor, or in his bed—hell, the shower—would be easy. Staying for dinner and ordering Thai food in between sex sessions would be easy. Getting tipsy on wine and exploring each other’s bodies would be easy.
Spending time together, getting to know one another, without using sex as a tool?
Hard.
“Let’s go for a walk!” she announced, jumping off his lap and bouncing on her toes like a six-year-old eager to go to the park.
“A walk?” He moved slowly, as if dazed. And then she realized this really was hard. Or, at least, he was.
Stifling a snort, she walked quickly towards the door. “Yes—a walk. Remember? You invited me over for one.”
“But I—”
Giving the guy a break, she called back, “Do whatever you need to do to go for a nice, long walk—the sunset will be gorgeous!”
Without a single clue of what she was doing, she marched out onto his porch and waited.
The agony. His dick felt like one of those party balloons you blow up and twist into a dog. He had a f**king latex poodle in his pants. And a frog in his throat. His body was a zoo during a full moon, howling and frustrated.
A walk? After starting to pour his heart out and fumbling through it like a complete idiot, she wanted to take a walk? Calling her after a difficult shift at work had seemed so natural. Few births stayed with him for very long, but this one he couldn’t shake. A mother who wanted a vaginal birth after a cesarean. Preserving her VBAC had been hard, but it had worked—insofar as she’d given birth vaginally. But the baby had had complications. The attending OB warned him there would be a review, and it hung over him like a storm cloud. If something had happened to that baby because his instincts and judgment had been wrong…
Coming home to his empty apartment, he’d picked up the phone on a whim and found himself dialing her number, as if on autopilot, as if this was what he did every day after a tough shift.
He turned to Josie.
No other woman had ever filled this role.
Maybe no other woman ever will. Whatever triggered that thought shocked him, made him stop cold as Josie hung out in front of his building, waiting impatiently. He gave himself ten seconds to review the past hour. A race, his apartment, some wine, some emotional sharing, and now—a walk.
Where in the hell did this huge case of nerves come from? And on his part. She was the nervous one, the person in this—relationship?—who deflected and held back. Not him.
And that was it.
Wedging the door to her heart open with a toe, he’d pried inside her by being the one to share first. Like stripping na**d before sex, if he went first, she would follow. That was why this felt so unsure. Because he couldn’t read her signals.
His signals? His were easy to read. Just look for the deflating poodle.
“Alex?” Josie called out.
Shake it off. Shake it off. A few deep breaths and he made his way outside. Thank God he was wearing jeans. Lycra running shorts would have made his erection stand out like a drunk Jets fan at a Pats game.
“You okay?” Josie asked, an impish smile twisting her lips.
“I am,” he said, throwing an arm around her shoulders. A walk? Fine. But on his terms. “So where are you from?” He’d held off on the standard “getting to know you” questions but now he was just going to go for it.
“Ohio.”
“And your parents…?”
“My dad died years ago. My mom’s still alive.”
“Oh.” He cringed. “Sorry.”
“What? No. It’s fine.” Her voice was tense. “He died nearly eighteen years ago, so it’s not like it’s fresh.”
Something in her voice said that was a lie, but he wasn’t going to pry. “And your mom’s back in Ohio?”
“Yep. What about you?”
“I don’t have a dad, and my mom lives in Watertown.”
“You’re a medical marvel. Did they inject the Y chromosome into you using nanotechnology?”
He laughed. “That’s why I’m an OB. So I can understand this whole reproductive thing.” Explaining this was always hard. “My dad left before my mom even knew she was pregnant with me. I never met him.”
“Oh.” They were strolling toward the park as dusk settled in, the air cool enough to keep the mosquitoes at bay. No baseball games tonight, it appeared. A pink line in the horizon faded to nearly gray as the sun dropped out of the sky.
Thinking it through, he asked, “How old were you?”
“When my dad died?”
“Yes.”
“Eleven.” She wasn’t giving him anything more than he asked. Still waters run deep. The way she sidestepped any additional information, and yet continued to answer what was asked directly, made him decide to push it.