Devon closed her eyes and shook her head twice. “Ex-boyfriend. Sorry.”
“If he’s your ex, what is he doing here?” Brennan asked cautiously.
“I’m not sure exactly. We broke up on rocky terms. I think he wants to talk to me,” Devon said, looking away from him. This wasn’t going to be easy.
“Sounds like trouble,” Brennan said. “Devon, look at me.”
She obliged, trying not to see the hurt in his face.
“You don’t have to talk to him. I know it might seem like you have to, but you said it was over. And you’re over him, right?”
He waited for the answer that should have been immediate on her tongue. It was more complicated than whether or not she was over Reid, but she couldn’t tell Brennan that without putting him in danger. She cared about Brennan too much to let that happen.
“We didn’t break up face-to-face. I think I should at least talk to him,” she said softly.
His eyes shut, and he breathed heavily through his nose, like he was holding himself back. She hated herself. She hated herself so much. She never wanted to cause him any pain. She never wanted to see his beautiful face look at her any other way than as lovingly as he had on the boat yesterday. She would never forgive herself, but at least, he would be safe. She needed to keep reminding herself of that.
Brennan opened his eyes and stared so intensely into her own that she blushed and looked away. He grabbed both of her shoulders and pulled her close to him.
“Devon, please,” he said, making her look at him. “I can already see it happening. Don’t let the life drain out of you again. I can see you retreating. I need you, and I think you need me, too. Please just stay here, stay in the present, in the future. Stay with me.”
“Brennan,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes this time.
“No, Devon, no tears,” he said, wiping them away from her eyes. “You’re too beautiful for that.”
She laughed through her tears and sniffled.
“There’s that smile, that beautiful smile. I want to keep making you smile, but I can’t if you walk out of this place. We pulled each other out of the water once, Devon. I can’t bear to see you sink any deeper. Please, please stay with me. Just stay with me,” he pleaded.
Devon closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. The tears were coming harder, and they weren’t helping anything. She wanted to stay so badly. She wanted to run away with Brennan and continue to forget all her problems. She wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t keep running. She needed to do what was right even if it wasn’t what she wanted.
“I can’t,” she said, sinking into herself as she forced out the words. “I have to go.”
She pushed the tears out of her eyes and brushed past him toward the exit. She had already been in here too long. Reid would notice, and she didn’t want him to associate Brennan with her.
“Devon,” he said, grabbing her wrist in his hand before she could go, “you’re making a big mistake.”
She swallowed back her tears. “I have to go,” she repeated, pulling her wrist free.
Before Brennan could say another word, she rushed out of the break room and into the kitchen. Pushing her hands up into her hair, Devon doubled over like she had just been punched in the stomach. No. This was worse.
This felt like her heart was breaking, shattering into a million pieces.
Chapter Twenty-Five - Coiled
WHEN DEVON FINALLY composed herself, she walked out of the back to find Reid fiddling with his empty drink while he talked to an enamored Hannah. This was going to go over well for her reputation, not that it even mattered. She didn’t know what she would even be doing after today.
“Hey,” Reid said. He watched her as she walked toward him, like a predator tracking his prey.
“Hey,” Devon responded.
His eyes searched her face. She knew that he could tell she had been crying. She never hid it well, but there was nothing she could do about it now.
Seemingly without thinking, he reached out and took her hand. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah,” she murmured.
“It was really nice meeting you, Hannah,” Reid said with that same award-winning smile. He placed two twenties on the bar and stood.
“Nice meeting you, too,” Hannah said sullenly as she watched Reid with Devon.
Devon didn’t even have the strength to say anything else to Hannah. She was ready to leave or else she never would. She had already left Brennan in the break room, and that had been nearly impossible.
THE SILENCE THAT permeated the space between Reid and Devon was suffocating. There was so much left unsaid, so much that she was waiting for, but she wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence. She didn’t even know where Reid was taking her. She knew the area, but she couldn’t tell where they were going. She should have cared more or been a little freaked out, but it was Reid. He wouldn’t do anything to attract attention to himself in public. But if they were walking somewhere more private…
She swallowed hard; a lump that she couldn’t get down lodged in her throat. The fact that they were here together right now was so messed up. She had thought that she had loved this man, that he was her greatness. True love had never felt so cheap than it had in this moment.
She had deluded herself into believing in it, in him. Reid wasn’t her greatness. He was just a guy who got off on a little power. She had been so blind to him that even when the worst had come—she had still blamed herself. Why couldn’t she be better? How could she get him to see that she was trying harder? She deserved what he was doing to her because she wasn’t good enough for him.
The longer she had stayed away, the more these thoughts had faded from her mind. She wasn’t a coward. She hadn’t run because she thought it was easier than facing him. She was brave, and she had run because facing him wasn’t possible.
Two-and-a-half months wasn’t long enough for her to forget what had happened. It wasn’t long enough for her to forgive if she ever would. It was only long enough for the bruises to heal…but not the emotional ones. Those had scarred, and she didn’t know if they would ever fully heal.
As Reid walked into a parking garage, Devon’s heart fluttered. Of course, he had driven here. How else would he have gotten here so soon? The thought of getting into a car with him and letting him control her course was terrifying. Where were they going to go? Would he drive them straight back to St. Louis and pick up where they left off?
They found Reid’s sporty little black BMW parked all by itself. He had a habit of parking a floor above all the other cars to avoid anyone messing with his baby. Ironic at best.
Still holding her hand, he guided her to the passenger seat, opened the car door for her, and let her slide onto the black leather seat. As he shut the door tightly behind her, she tried not to hyperventilate.
They were alone. Completely alone. 100 percent alone.
She felt like a caged animal, desperate to be released from captivity. Her hair stood on end, and she tried not to fidget. Without thinking, she reached into her purse and pulled out a pen. She absentmindedly flipped it between her fingers. It didn’t calm her down, but it helped. It gave her something else to think about. She wanted to write then, to let out all the emotions coursing through her body. She wanted to write more than she had since the first couple weeks she had been in Chicago. But she didn’t dare pull out her notebook. Reid didn’t like her lyrics, and he certainly wouldn’t like the ones she had written about him.
Reid sat himself comfortably into the driver’s seat and locked the doors. Devon watched the lock click into place, and she had the sudden urge to lift it and bolt. How far could she get? She wasn’t a runner. Could she make it to the elevator? Would the stairs be a better option? Would he chase her? Were her dreams becoming reality?
He revved the engine to life, and Devon sank back into the seat. She couldn’t outrun him. Although he didn’t work out like he had used to, he still had more than six inches on her in height. Not to mention, he was a natural athlete. And who was she kidding? Her dreams were already her reality.
“Where have you been staying?” he asked, reaching for her hand and taking it.
“With Hadley and her boyfriend,” she told him with a sigh.
“Ah,” he said, putting the car into reverse, “I forgot Hadley was in the city.”
Devon nodded, not knowing what else to say. Now, he knew. Great.
“Then, we’ll go there.”
“What?” she asked. Oh God…Hadley! She had told Hadley that she and Reid had broken up and that she was into Brennan. If she showed up with Reid in tow, it could cause a nuclear meltdown. Garrett knew what had happened between them, and Garrett and Hadley both knew that she had been out all night with Brennan. If they said one word about Brennan, it would set off Reid. Reid could not go back to the apartment.
“That’s where your stuff is, right?” he asked, turning to face her.
“Uh, right. But I don’t have much,” she said. She didn’t even know why she said that. It wasn’t like she wanted to hurry up and head back to St. Louis. She had no escape there.
He smiled and squeezed her hand. She tried not to cringe.
“Didn’t you leave your phone there?”
Her stomach dropped. Fuck! Of all the days…
“Oh yeah,” she whispered.
Reid pulled the car out of the garage and exited smoothly into traffic on the one-way street. “Where am I headed?”
She bit her lip and stared out the car window before directing him to their destination. She didn’t want to bring him back to the apartment. What choice did she have though? She had taken the only choice she could to protect Brennan. Now, she had to follow through with it. Once he was safe, she would try to work things out with Reid. He just couldn’t find out. She wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if Reid were to hurt Brennan.
Devon had never driven the streets of Chicago, but she knew the blocks well enough. Jenn’s wasn’t far from Marina City, but she felt a bit disoriented since she always took the L. He grunted when she made another accidental wrong turn.
“I should have just used my GPS.”
“Sorry,” she squeaked.
It was the least angry he had gotten with her for bad directions in a long time. He had refused to let her navigate anywhere they went because he hated all her mistakes. This was already starting out so well.
He pulled into the Marina City complex and parked. Devon pushed the door open and stood. From her position, she could see out of the building all the way to Lake Michigan. It made her think of Brennan’s boat, the boat his father had left him, sitting in the harbor. She pulled her eyes away from the horizon, not wanting her eyes to show the loss of what could have been. Reid might not be able to decipher what it was immediately, but she didn’t want to give him cause to consider it.
They walked to the elevator together, his arm locked around her shoulder. He was using any excuse to touch her. She wanted to run far, far away. Apparently, she hadn’t run far enough to get away from him.