“Can we talk now?” I’m not trying to punish her, and I can’t bear to see her so broken up. So I grab a paper towel and hand it to her.
“Yeah, we can talk.” I sit down across from her as she wipes her face. “Did anything happen? Who was that guy? Did you . . .” She leaves the rest of the sentence to my imagination and I can finish it. I’m about to tell her that I hadn’t had sex with Jett, but my mouth has other ideas.
“Yeah. I did. We had sex.” I mean it as sarcasm.
Hazel squeals louder than I’ve ever heard her and throws herself at me. I’m engulfed in her perfume and the rank cigarette residue. She’s flipped the switch from devastated to elated in less than two seconds.
“Oh my God! How was it? Was it good? I bet it was good. That guy had some awesome tattoos. Did he use a condom? You should probably go to the clinic now. Are you in pain? Did you bleed?”
“Holy shit, Hazel, do you want me to answer all of those questions?” She peers up at me from her spot in my lap. She’s wrapped around me like a very large koala.
“Were you safe?” I really should tell her that I hadn’t slept with Jett. But instead, I say, “Yes. We were safe.” I think I have a medical condition. My mouth has divorced my mind and is speaking on its own.
“Good. Did it hurt?” And the lies just keep coming out of my mouth. It’s like once I start with one, I just keep going and I build this story of seduction and I try to throw as much realism in it as I can. There are candles and music and multiple orgasms.
By the time I’m done with my completely untrue account of my virginity-losing to Jett, we’re on the couch and she’s playing with my hair. It did get a little messed up when Jett and I were sleeping on the couch, so it very closely resembles sex hair.
“Do you feel different now?”
“Yeah, I do.” This is the one thing that I say that isn’t a lie.
After Hazel attempts to make me breakfast, I head out to the library to study. After all the chaos of last night, I need something comforting and familiar. An hour later I’m totally in the homework zone, so I don’t notice that someone’s standing next to my table until he pushes a little crane made of notebook paper across my textbook.
“Excuse me, but I was wondering if you could watch my laptop?” Oh, hey Jett. Fancy seeing you here. This is the thing I should have said out loud. Instead I say something along the lines of “What are you doing here?” It also comes out more accusatory than I mean it to.
“Well, I heard this is where the books live, so I figured I’d come visit.” Of course his answer is totally cute and appropriate and causes me to smile.
“Are you one of those people who has to study alone, or is this seat taken?” He gestures to the empty seat across from me that I’ve had my feet propped on.
“No, go ahead, sit down.” I realize the non-wisdom of doing this a second later. No way I can focus on macroeconomics with him sitting across from me. He sets his bag down and pulls out his computer.
He smiles and starts it up and I pretend to look at my book so I won’t stare at him. But my curiosity gets the better of me.
“What are you working on?” I say.
“New website design. Wanna see?” His eyes light up even more and I get up and go lean over his shoulder. Now I’m the one doing the back-of-the-neck-breathing. It also gives me a chance to breathe him in without it being hella creepy.
Jett shows me the project he’s working on for a local band. It’s bold and bright, but at the same time clean and he even designed a logo for them.
As he takes me through the different tabs and links he’s added and I can see that the boy has talent. Not that it was ever in doubt. I find myself putting my hand on his shoulder and leaning in further. My mouth is almost level with his ear and if I tilt my head just a little I could lick his earlobe. But that would be completely weird, so I probably shouldn’t. Still, the idea crosses my mind. What is with me and licking Jett?
“What do you think?” Jett turns his head and our mouths are so close and I remember him kissing the back of my head and my hip and I wonder what those lips would feel like on my lips.
“It’s awesome, really.” I’m unable to find any other words to say about it.
“Thanks.” It can’t be my imagination that his eyes flick to my lips and then back up to my eyes. I should stop leaning, but my body doesn’t want to. Jett’s face gets really serious and I can’t stop staring him.
And then someone slams a book shut at a nearby table and I jump like I’ve been caught doing something bad.
“I should, um, probably get back to work,” I say and stumble back to my seat and sit down with a clunk.
Jett’s eyes go back to his computer and mine go back to my textbook.
Chapter 6
It takes me two hours to read two pages. Two. Pages. Well, I skimmed more, but I don’t remember any of it. I take notes on things that look important, but I might as well be writing a stream of consciousness. I’m too busy studying the way he types so fast on the keyboard and the way his head turns to the side when he’s thinking about something and how his eyes squint just a little when he reads. Our feet keep touching under the table and we keep apologizing to each other, but it keeps happening. I swear, it’s not my fault.
Jett closes his computer and stretches his arms up, his shoulders popping.
“Do you want to take a break and get something to eat?” he says.
“Yeah, sure.” I’m still really full from my breakfast, but there’s no point in continuing to try to read because nothing is getting into my brain. I kind of regret letting him to sit down with me. But I can’t blame him for my lack of being able to focus when he’s around.
We walk down to the café and Jett orders a coffee and a bagel.
“What do you want?” Is he going to order for me and pay? This cannot stand.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I have money,” I say as the bored-looking barista waits for me to order. She’s also chewing gum and popping it. Yuck. Isn’t that against the rules to chew gum in a place that makes food?
“I’m sure you do have money, but I’ve got this. What do you want?” Jett’s sweet smile is my undoing. I order a piece of banana bread and a pumpkin chai.
“Thank you. Now I do owe you,” I say.
“No, you don’t. This is me paying you back for the help with Javi.” Oh, right. I’d nearly forgotten about him. We move to the side to wait for our drinks.
“How is he?”
“Recovered. That bastard can drink like a fish and be fine the next day. I have two beers and I’m wrecked for the entire weekend.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” The bored girl doesn’t even call out our orders, just pushes them across the counter at us.
“Did everything that you were running from last night turn out okay?” he asks.
“More or less.” I’ve gotten several apology texts from all my other friends. After dealing with Hazel, I kind of just want to be done with it.
We take our drinks and treats and sit down at the only available table. The café is packed, even for a Saturday, and I realize it must be for some sort of sporting event. Sometimes I think that I should be more involved in things like that, but then I remember how my butt feels after sitting on metal bleachers for two hours.
“Sorry about the nachos,” I say.
“Oh, it’s not a big deal. Javi ate the entire pan of them in the middle of the night. Or at least I hope he did. I found the pan empty in the morning and unless we have nacho-eating ghosts . . .”
That sounds terrifying.
“Well, hello there,” a voice I know very well says behind me. I turn and glare at Hazel so Jett can’t see.
Before I can ask what the hell she’s doing here, she speaks.
“I needed a pick-me-up before my study session.” She frequently has study sessions with gigantic books filled with itty-bitty print. She’s going to be blind by the time she is thirty, I swear.
“Oh, um, Hazel, this is Jett.” Jett looks from me to Hazel and back. I hadn’t really told him that we’d made up, but he was smart enough to figure it out.
“Nice to meet you, Jett. I hope you’re being good to her.”
And the love fades.
Jett doesn’t miss a beat.
“She’s easy to be good to, and it’s nice to meet you, too, Hazel.” He half-stands up and holds his hand out. She takes it, while her gaze skips up his arm and takes in the tattoos, and then up to his face. I can almost read what thoughts are going through her mind.
“Hm,” she says, and releases his hand.
His smile never falters as he sits back down. Hazel’s coffee is ready, so she grabs it and says goodbye, giving me a sharp look. Great. That’s going to be fun later.
“You have Javi, I have Hazel,” I say with a shrug.
“Understood. So you made up?” Oh, I don’t really want to get into this.
“Yeah. About that.” I have to tell him that the reason Hazel was being that way is because she thinks we had sex.
“Uh oh. I’m not sure I like the sound of that. It sounds a bit like doom.” Oh, if he only knew.
“So what would you say if I told Hazel that we had sex?” I mean, I’d asked him to give me a ride and pretend that he was taking me home, presumably to have sex, but he didn’t know that it was also my first time. Or would have been if we’d actually had sex.
“I would say that I don’t have a problem with that. I mean, it’s not a crazy thing to think. You’re a girl and I’m a guy and we did spend time alone at my apartment. I’d almost be insulted if she didn’t think that.” He plays it off confidently, but it’s like he’s trying to be TOO casual.
“Are you sure? Because I can set her straight. I mean, I like hanging out with you and she’s my best friend, so if we hang out again, you’re probably going to see her again and we’ll probably have to do this again.”
“It’s not a problem, I swear. It’s an honor to have slept with you. Even if it’s only for show,” he says and his face is a little red and he won’t look at me.
“Okay. Cool.” I don’t know what else to say. I’m definitely not telling him about the virginity thing. You would have to hold a gun to my head, and I don’t foresee that happening anytime soon.
There’s a beat of awkward silence as I try to move the conversation onto different and less-embarrassing ground.
“So you do want to hang out again?” Jett says, not looking at me.
“Uh yeah. Unless you don’t want to. I shouldn’t have assumed. That was dumb.” Ugh, I’ve done it again.
“No! No, I do want to hang out again. I just didn’t know if you would want to. I mean, after the disgusting apartment and Javi and everything. I wasn’t exactly a great host.” This time he looks embarrassed. It’s kind of sweet.
“I want to hang out, too,” I say.