"Ellie," he said softly, "come to bed."
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," she said primly.
"Don't you even want to give my plan a try? It doesn't seem fair for you to dismiss my ideas out of hand."
"Fair? Fair! Are you insane?"
"Sometimes I wonder," he muttered.
"See? You know as well as I that this is madness."
Charles swore under his breath and grumbled something about her having better ears than a rabbit. Ellie took advantage of his relative silence to stay on the offensive and say, "What could I possibly have to gain by seducing you?"
"I would tell you," he drawled, "but I'm not certain your tender ears are ready for it."
Ellie turned redder than her hair and tried to say, "You know that wasn't what I meant." But her teeth were so tightly clenched that it came out more like a hiss.
"Ah, my serpentine wife," Charles sighed.
"I am losing my temper, my lord."
"Really? I hadn't noticed."
Ellie had never had the urge to slap someone in her entire life, but she was starting to think that this might be a fine time to start. His mocking, overly confident attitude was too much for her to bear. "Charles—"
"Before you go on,'' he interrupted, "allow me to explain to you why you ought to seriously consider seducing me."
"Have you made a list?" she drawled.
He waved his hand nonchalantly in the air. "Nothing so formal, I assure you. But I tend to think in lists—it's a habit we compulsive listmakers share— and so naturally I have some key reasons organized in my head."
"Naturally."
He smiled at her attempt at sarcasm. "They are not ranked, of course." When she didn't say anything he added, "Just so there are no misunderstandings about the good of England and the possibility of the sky falling in and all that."
More than anything, Ellie wanted to throw him out of her room. Very much against her better judgment, she said, "Go on."
"Very well, let me see." Charles brought his hands together in a vaguely praying motion as he stalled for time. It hadn't even occurred to him to make a list until Ellie had mentioned it. He looked over at his wife, who was tapping her foot impatiently. "All right, here we are, first we must title the list."
She looked at him dubiously, and he knew she suspected he was making this up as he went along. Not a problem, he decided. This shouldn't be that difficult.
"The title?" Ellie prodded.
"Ah, yes. 'Reasons Why Ellie Should Seduce Charles.' I would have called it 'Reasons Why Ellie Should Try to Seduce Charles,' " he added as an aside, "but the outcome seems most certain to me."
She offered him nothing more than a stony stare, so he continued, "I meant that there is little reason to fear that you might make a muck of it."
"I know what you meant."
He smiled slyly. "Ah yes, of course you did. Shall we move on to number one?"
"Please."
"I shall begin with the most elementary. Number One: You shall enjoy it."
Ellie very much wanted to contradict this, but she had a sinking suspicion that would be a lie.
"Number Two: I shall enjoy it." He looked up at her and grinned. "Of that I am certain."
Ellie leaned back against the wall, feeling a bit weak.
Charles cleared his throat. "Which leads rather neatly into Number Three: Since I shall enjoy it, I will have no reason to look elsewhere for comfort."
"The fact that you are married to me ought to be reason enough!"
"Yes, it should," he agreed. "But I am the first to admit that I am not the most noble and God-fearing of men. I will need to be taught how blissful and satisfying marriage can be."
Ellie let out a derisive snort.
"Once I do that," he continued, "I am certain that I shall be a model husband."
"You just wrote in your other list that you wanted a sophisticated, worldly marriage, one in which you would be free to stray."
"That was before I met you," he said jovially.
She planted her hands on her hips. "I have already told you that argument won't wash."
"But it's true. To be frank, it had never occurred to me that I might find a wife to whom I wanted to be faithful. I won't tell you that I'm in love with you—"
Ellie's heart surprised her and sank.
"—but I think I might learn to love you, given time and proper encouragement."
She crossed her arms. "You will say anything to seduce a woman, won't you?"
Charles winced. His words had sounded a lot worse than he'd intended. "This isn't coming out right," he muttered.
She raised a brow, gifting him with an expression that was eerily reminiscent of his late nanny's—when she had been really annoyed with him. Charles suddenly felt rather like a scolded child—a most unpleasant sensation for a man of his stature.
"Hell, Ellie," he burst out, jumping off the bed and onto his feet, "I want to make love to my wife. Is that such a crime?"
"It is when you don't care about her."
"I do care about you!" He raked his hand through his hair, and his expression grew decidedly exasperated. "I like you better than any female I've ever met. Why the hell do you think I married you?"
"Because without me, your entire fortune would have gone to your odious cousin Cecil."
"Phillip," he corrected automatically, "and I could have married anybody to save my fortune. Believe me, I had my pick of the litter in London."