"Very kind," he echoed.
"I did not have to stop and help you."
"No," he murmured, "you did not."
"I'll have you know that I could be married if I so wished it. I am on the shelf by choice."
"I wouldn't have dreamed otherwise."
Ellie thought she heard mocking in his voice, and this time she did kick him.
"Curse it, woman!" Charles exclaimed. "What the devil was that for? I am being utterly serious."
"You're drunk." she accused.
"Yes," he admitted, "but I've never asked a woman to marry me before."
"Oh, please." she scoffed. "If you are trying to tell me that you fell head over heels blindingly in love with me at first sight, let me tell you that it won't wash."
"I am not trying to tell you anything of the sort," he said. "I would never insult your intelligence in such a fashion."
Ellie blinked, thinking that he might have just insulted some other aspect of her person, but not sure which.
"The fact of the matter is—" He stopped and cleared his throat. "Do you think we might continue this conversation elsewhere? Perhaps somewhere where I might sit in a chair rather than in the dirt."
Ellie frowned at him for a moment before grudgingly holding out her hand. She still wasn't certain that he wasn't making sport of her, but her recent treatment of him had been less than gentle, and her conscience was nagging her. She didn't believe in kicking a man when he was down, especially when she was the one who had put him there.
He took her hand and eased himself back onto his feet. "Thank you," he said dryly. "You are clearly a woman of great strength of character. It is why I am considering taking you to wife."
Ellie's eyes narrowed. "If you do not cease mocking me...."
"I believe I told you I am utterly serious. I never lie."
"Now that is a clanker if ever I heard one." she retorted.
"Well, then, I never lie about anything important."
Her hands found their way to her hips and she let out a loud, "Harumph."
He exhaled in a vaguely annoyed manner. "I assure you I would never lie about something like this. And I must say, you have developed an exceedingly poor opinion of me. Why, I wonder?"
"Lord Billington, you are considered the biggest rake in all of Kent! Even my brother-in-law has said so."
"Remind me to throttle Robert the next time I see him," Charles muttered.
"You very well might be the biggest rake in all of England. I wouldn't know, since I haven't left Kent in years, but—"
"They say rakes make the best husbands," he interrupted.
"Reformed rakes," she said pointedly. "And I sincerely doubt that you have any plans in that direction. Besides, I'm not going to marry you."
He sighed. "I really wish you would."
Ellie stared at him in disbelief. "You are mad."
"Thoroughly sane, I assure you." He grimaced. "It is my father who was mad."
Ellie suddenly had a vision of crazy, cackling babies and lurched backward. They said insanity was in the blood.
"Oh, for the love of God," Charles muttered. "Not truly mad. He simply left me in a cursed bind."
"I don't see what this has to do with me."
"It has everything to do with you," he said cryptically.
Ellie took another step backward, deciding that Bil-lington was beyond mad—he was ready for Bedlam. "If you'll beg my pardon," she said quickly, "I'd best be getting home. I'm sure you'll be able to manage from here. Your carriage ... you said it was around back. You should be able to—"
"Miss Lyndon," he said s iarply.
She stopped in her tracks.
"I must marry," he said plainly, "and I must do it within the next fifteen days. I have no choice."
"I cannot imagine that you would do anything that did not suit your purposes."
He ignored her. "If I do not marry, I will lose every drop of my inheritance. Every last unentailed farthing." He laughed bitterly. "I will be left with only Wycombe Abbey, and believe me when I tell you that pile of stones will soon fall into disrepair if I lack the funds to keep it up."
"I have never heard of such a situation," Ellie said.
"It is not wholly uncommon."
"It seems uncommonly stupid, if you ask me."
"On that matter, madam, we are in complete agreement."
Ellie twisted some of the fabric of her brown skirt in her hand as she considered his words. "I don't see why you think I should be the one to aid you," she finally said. "I am certain you could find a suitable wife in London. Don't they call it The Marriage Mart?' I should think you would be considered quite a catch."
He offered her an ironic smile. "You make me sound like a fish."
Ellie looked up at him and caught her breath. He was devilishly handsome and thoroughly charming, and she knew she was far from immune. "No," she admitted, "not a fish."
He shrugged. "I have been putting off the inevitable. I know that. But here you are, dropped into my life at my most desperate—"
"Excuse me, but I believe you dropped into my life."
He chuckled. "Did I mention that you're also vastly entertaining? So I was thinking, 'Well, she'll do as well as any, and—"
"If your aim was to woo me," Ellie said acidly, "you are not succeeding."
"Better than most," he corrected. "Really, you're the first I've come across I think I could bear." Not, Charles thought, that he had any plans to devote himself to a spouse. He didn't really need anything out of a wife save for her name on a marriage certificate. Still, one had to spend some time with one's wife, and she might as well be a decent sort. Miss Lyndon seemed to fit the bill nicely.