***
Paige showed up an hour and a half later, and when I told her to go away, she shook her head and held up a handful of DVDs—a season of Adventure Time and both volumes of Kill Bill. “Don’t ask me to leave or I’ll sit outside blasting the Gears of War soundtrack.” I lifted my eyebrow and she nodded slowly, her hazel eyes gleaming. “And yes, I’ve actually got it inside of my van.”
I shuffled aside so she could come in, crossing my arms as she tossed the DVDs on the coffee table and sat down in one corner of the couch.
“Miller called you?” I asked, dragging myself across the room to sit on the opposite end of her.
She cricked her neck to one side and then raced her fingers through her short black hair. “Don’t be mad at him,” she said.
My upper lip curled. “My bodyguard is calling my friend to come sit with me to make sure I won’t do something stupid and you’re telling me not to be mad at him. I’ve been burnt enough already by people I trust and now he’s going behind my back.” I clenched my hands by my side and glared up at the ceiling, in the general direction of Miller’s apartment. “I should fire him.”
“Now you’re just being a bitch. He called someone he knows won’t throw a ninja star into your back the moment you turn around. You should be thankful.”
I turned my dark gaze on her. She narrowed her hazel eyes, challenging me. Frustrated and dizzy, I raked both hands through my brown hair. There was no point telling her the entire story of what had happened with Mom so I leaned forward, burying my face in my hands, and went for the Cliff Notes version. “My mom brings out the worst in me,” I said, my voice catching. “She likes to bring up the very worst of me hoping it’ll help me change.”
And like always, I’d let it get to me to the point where I’d brought up her very worse, hurling it back at her angrily. When I told Paige she nibbled her lower lip thoughtfully for a few seconds and then stood up, disappeared into the kitchen, and returned a moment later with two Diet Cokes that she wrinkled her nose at. She handed me one and then sat down, popped hers open and took a long swig.
“You know that most people ask before making themselves at home, right?” I demanded, running the hem of my t-shirt across my sweaty forehead.
She leaned forward, placed her can on the coffee table, then sat back to scratch one of the tattoos on her shoulder—a vintage pinup on a surfboard. “Does it work?” she asked.
“What? Not rifling through someone else’s refrigerator?”
She snorted. “No. Turning the tables on your parents.”
I shook my head slowly. “If anything it just makes me realize what a f**ked up mess I’ve made of things.” When she raised her eyebrow in concern, I released a frustrated groan. “I’m not taking pills again if that’s what you’re wondering. I just—”
She released something that sounded like a sigh and a groan. “What?”
“It’s hard. When they bring Cooper into it. And it’s not just my parents—it’s the paparazzi and my friend Jessica and hell even my producer.”
Her lips curled downward sympathetically. “Cooper told me what happened with Dickson.”
“See. Shit like that just makes me want to black out.”
Her breath caught and she moved closer, trying to get a good look at my face so that she could gauge my expression. “Willow, it scares me when you say things like that.”
“It’s the truth,” I said, dipping my head so I didn’t have to meet her gaze. “That’s what you wanted from me, right? I’ve been acting since I was a kid. I’m tired of the bullshit that comes along with it sometimes. Ninety percent of the world thinks I can handle anything they sling at me and the rest— everyone who knows me—believes I’ll relapse at any moment.”
“What do you think?”
“I think I’ll be alright,” I lied. “But it still doesn’t make me feel any better that I can’t even go for a f**king burger with my boyfriend without getting my weight picked apart. It doesn’t make me feel better to see old pictures of myself sloppy drunk and kissing some stranger reposted on gossip sites for shits and giggles.”
“Quit acting then,” Paige suggested. She took another sip of her Diet Coke and shuddered. “At least for a little while until you fix you.”
A bitter laugh came from my throat. “The whole time I was in my last rehab I kept promising myself that I wouldn’t do any acting anymore and the day I came out I accepted this role. I can’t let Dickson down.”
“Then quit afterward. You know what I majored in?” she asked, and when I lifted an eyebrow, she said, “Psychology. My parents thought I’d be in graduate school by now, and maybe I will someday, but not right now. Hell, look at my sister. Delilah flat out told my mom that she was only nineteen and shouldn’t be expected to know what she wants to do. You know what my mother did?”
“Hmmm?”
“She got the hell over it,” she said.
“I wish it were that easy.”
Paige leaned in to me, as if she were sharing a secret. “It is.”
Chapter Eighteen
Paige’s words stuck with me for the rest of the night, and into the next morning. My mom left Honolulu without seeing me—hell, without calling me—again, and I hadn’t made an effort to contact her either. As Cooper and I worked on a new technique a few days later, he pointed out that he thought I should call my parents.