Then he pulled back slightly and looked down at the exquisite features surrounded by a golden mist of hair. “Julia,” he said softly. “We need to talk.”
Tears glistened in Julia’s eyes. “Darling, what are we going to do?”
Kia couldn’t stand it any longer. These two people belonged together. She had to get out of there. Had to somehow put Brant out of her life. And her heart.
“Kia,” he growled just as she was about to twirl on her heels.
She pasted on a false smile. “I won’t stay, Mr. Matthews. I can see you’ve got your hands full.”
Then she rushed toward the elevator. The last thing she saw before the doors closed was Brant leading the woman he loved into his office. Kia’s knees buckled and she leaned against the elevator wall. She had never felt more devastated in her life.
Chapter Ten
Kia went straight home and packed a small bag, then tossed it in the car and drove off. She had to get away from here and she didn’t care where.
She’d lost Brant. Lost him to the one woman she could never compete with. The one woman who had
“mattered.” He’d only wanted her body until Julia was free to love him again. He’d never wanted her heart.
But she’d given it anyway.
And Julia would soon be free. Brant and Royce would fight over her some more, but in the end Brant would win, of course. Then he and Julia would celebrate with champagne and caviar and they’d make love with so much emotion it would bring tears to Julia’s eyes.
Kia swallowed a sob. The pain cut too deep to cry. She just hoped Julia never found out what sort of man Brant really was. A man who loved one woman but thought nothing of sleeping with others to satisfy his sex drive.
Being at the northern tip of Australia, Darwin wasn’t an easy place to leave on the spur of the moment, not with thousands of kilometers of desert between it and the southern major cities.
So for two hours Kia sat on Casuarina Beach and tried to think where she could go to lick her wounds.
Eventually an approaching tropical thunderstorm made her look up, and she saw a billboard for one of the large hotels nearby. She made the decision to stay there for a few days instead.
She spent those days sitting on the balcony or walking along the beach, the breeze off the ocean providing a refreshing relief from the high humidity caused by the monsoon rains. In the evening she forced herself to eat in the restaurant and even managed to smile at people as if her heart weren’t breaking and the food she was eating didn’t taste like plastic. It all meant nothing without Brant.
But eventually she had to pull herself together and get on with her life. Tomorrow she would go home and pick up the pieces. She could do it. She had to.
But first she had to make her weekly phone call to her mother and pretend she was home and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She was already overdue with the call.
“Darling, where are you?” her mother said the instant Kia spoke. “Are you okay?”
Kia’s fingers tightened around the telephone. “I’m fine, Mum. Why?”
“We’ve been so worried. Brant’s been looking for you and—”
She sank to the bed. “B-Brant?”
“Your boss, darling. Remember?”
Oh, she remembered all right. That’s all he was to her now. One of her bosses. Soon to be ex-boss.
“He said you’d gone away for a few days but he didn’t know where.” Her mother paused. “We were really worried about you, sweetie. You never mentioned going away.”
“It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, Mum,” Kia said, feeling guilty for not calling sooner. Then she thought of Brant and her heart began to thump harder. “Do you know what he wanted?”
“He didn’t say. I assumed it was another problem at work he needs your help with. He seemed quite upset about it, whatever it was.”
Brant upset? He should be ecstatic now he was back with the woman he loved. She frowned. Or perhaps there really was a problem at work? Yes, that would be more likely.
“Anyway, darling, he asked me to call him the minute I heard from you. Where are you staying? If you give me the telephone number, I’ll get him to call you.”
“Mum, I’d prefer not to say,” Kia said quietly. Brant would charm the information out of her mother if she told her. “I’m having a holiday and—”
“Darling, this isn’t like you to just run off. I know you’re a grown woman and all, and some things mothers probably shouldn’t know, but I’ll always be here for you if you want to talk.”
Kia blinked back tears. “Thanks, Mum. I know that. I just needed some time by myself, that’s all.”
A moment’s silence ticked by. Then her mother spoke. “This isn’t about work, is it? It’s about Brant.”
“Yes,” Kia murmured. She took a shaky breath. “But please don’t say anything to him. I’ll call him shortly to see if there really is a problem at work. And I’ll be going home tomorrow anyway. I’ll call you then. I might even come down to Adelaide for a week after that.” Suddenly she needed to go home. It would be for the best. Her mother, more than anyone, would understand her pain.
“Darling, you’re always welcome here. You know that. Please call me tomorrow. I’ll worry otherwise.”
“I promise.”
“And call Brant now. It may be important.”
“I will.” Kia hung up the telephone and stared at the wall. So he was upset, was he? Did he think she’d do something crazy just because he loved another woman? She wasn’t that stupid. She was heartbroken, but life would go on.
Taking a deep breath, she picked up the phone again and dialed the number for his office. He answered on the first ring.
Just hearing his voice constricted her heart. Oh, God. How was she ever going to forget him?
“Kia?” he said when she didn’t immediately announce herself.
“Yes.” She swallowed hard then cleared her throat. “Yes, it’s me.”
“Thank God!” He paused. “Where the hell have you been?”
“On holiday.”
He swore under his breath. “You’ve had everyone worried about you.”
Anger hardened her voice. “They wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t called my mother.”
“I had to see if you were there.”
“Why, Brant? It’s over.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s far from over. Not by a long shot.”
She gasped. “If you think I’m going to carry on an affair with you behind—”
“Look, we can’t talk about this over the telephone. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you.”
“No,” she said with a catch in her voice. In the flesh, he’d seduce her with more than words.
“Kia, I’m beginning to lose patience.” He took a deep breath. “Please listen. This is important. I need to see you. I want to feel my arms around you and—”
“My God. Isn’t one woman enough for you? Go to Julia, Brant. She’ll be waiting for you.”
“Dammit, there is no—”
“I’ll come to the office tomorrow. Until then, just accept that I’m the one who got away. Goodbye, Brant.”
“Kia, don’t hang up. I’ll—”
She carefully placed the phone in its cradle. Whatever he’d do to her would have to wait until tomorrow.
It still wouldn’t change her mind.
At exactly noon Kia stepped out of the elevator and strode toward Brant’s office. She’d come straight from the motel, dressed in a mauve knit top, white jeans and sandals. She’d never dressed so casually at the office before. Never even contemplated it. It was kind of freeing.
Just like the letter of resignation in her hand.
Of course, telling herself she should be feeling free was different to actually feeling free. That would come with time. Dear God, she hoped so.
For now, she had to face Brant and get it over with. Then she’d put one foot in front of the other and march out that door and out of his life.
She squared her shoulders just before she stepped in the open doorway, but it didn’t stop the impact of seeing him sitting at his desk while he studied some paperwork in front of him. He looked so handsome.
So…Brant.
For one precious moment she didn’t think she had the strength to do this. But she had to. For God’s sake—for her sake—she had to stay strong.
He looked up and their eyes met. And in that split second her heart cried out for him and all that she’d lost. She had come so close to finding happiness, utter fulfillment, only to lose all chance for both. The grief over that loss cut right to the center, the heart of her. She would never be the same, not even close.
“Kia,” he said hoarsely, as if feeling that same pain. But that couldn’t be. He would have to love her to suffer the same sense of desolation she felt. Yet she knew he didn’t. He loved Julia.
Somehow, from somewhere deep inside her, she found the strength to enter the room. “I’m not staying,” she told him in a firm voice.
His shoulders tensed. A mask came down over his face. “Why not?”
“I’m only here for one thing.” She saw his eyes flicker over her, and her lips tightened. “No, it’s not what you’re thinking.”
A muscle began to throb in his cheek. “And what would I be thinking?”
“Sex. That’s all it ever was with you, Brant.”
Those blue eyes bored into hers as he stood up and walked around the desk. “No. That’s all you ever let yourself believe it was.”
She stiffened. “So it’s my fault, is it?”
He stopped right in front of her. “Who said anyone was at fault?” he asked quietly.
She gaped at him in disbelief. “Surely you don’t think this is how a relationship should be?”
He reached out and cupped her chin, looking deep into her eyes. “Just because two people fall in love doesn’t mean everything runs smoothly, sweetheart. But that doesn’t mean they should end what they have.”
She sucked in a sharp, painful breath and jerked her chin away. Dear God, was he enjoying the wounds he caused by his affair with Julia? “In other words, I should just let things slide along as they are? Boy, you really take the cake.”
He seemed to freeze for a long pause. Then he said, “Kia, did you hear what I said?”
“No! I don’t want to hear any more. I’ve come to give you this.” She thrust the envelope at him.
Moments crept by as he stared hard at her, and she shifted uneasily. Then his gaze dropped to her hand.
“What is it?”
“My resignation.”
“You’re not resigning,” he said softly, taking the envelope and tearing it in half, just as he’d done with the check she’d written out for him over the security alarm.
She pulled out another envelope from her pocket. “I thought you might do that. You can tear this one up, too, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve already sent one to Phillip in this morning’s mail.”
“You are not resigning,” he repeated.
She gave a short laugh. “Unless you chain me to my desk, I won’t be coming back.”
“Chaining you to your desk sounds a bloody good idea right now,” he muttered, grabbing her shoulders and lightly shaking her. “Kia, you say you listen, but you don’t actually hear what I’m saying. I love you, Kia Benton. I’m not going to let you walk out of my life. I can’t.”
Her heart lurched in her chest. “Please don’t do this to me, Brant,” she whispered. “I can’t be your mistress.”
His hands tightened on her shoulders. “I don’t want you for my mistress. I want you to be my wife.”
Her mind spun in shock. His wife? For just a moment hope blossomed. Oh, yes, she wanted to be married to him so badly she ached with it. But did he love her, truly love her?
Then she remembered Julia, and that hope shriveled. There was only one woman he loved. A woman who belonged to another man at the moment. Kia’s heart plummeted even further. Is that why he was asking her to marry him now? Had something gone wrong between him and Julia?
Regret and pain at what could have been flowed through her, cutting deep. “I’m sorry, Brant. I can’t.”
His head reeled back. “Why?” he rasped in a voice low and raw with something that sounded like need.
She blinked back tears. “You want me, but that’s not enough. It’ll never be enough for me.”
“It’s more than enough. For both of us.”
“You’re wrong. I won’t be a substitute for Julia. I can’t,” she cried, spinning away. She had to get out of there before she fell apart. Before she let herself be taken on any terms.
“Stay.”
His plea stilled her. Slowly she turned. Their gazes met for a long moment that seemed to last for eternity.
She searched to the depth of his soul in those dark eyes, wanting to believe he loved her yet afraid to accept that the pain, the longing in his eyes, was real and not her imagination. She shook her head. No, she was too emotional to trust her judgment right now.
She was about to turn away again, to really go this time, but all at once she saw the anguish in his eyes and her legs refused to move. Brant wasn’t a man to show his emotions and certainly not his vulnerability.
Yet here he was showing that very thing. Hope and wonder bubbled inside her. Dare she believe? Could she believe in him? In herself? Her judgment?
She needed to stay rational. She needed to find out more about his relationship with the other woman before deciding. “What about Julia?”
The intensity of his gaze remained strong on her face. “She’s already a wife. To Royce.”
“But…you love her. You said things don’t always run smoothly for people in love.”