"Only then did she realize how her innocent friendship with Thomas had appeared to others. Juliana had considered confronting her husband when the maid told her that Tristan was even then soaked in ale and that Garrod was again whispering in his ear. Now he was encouraging Tristan to help his wife rid herself of Thomas's bastard. Did he wish the fruit of another man's seed inheriting all? Garrod was suggesting several ways to get rid of this child of uncertain paternity. Tristan could always get another on Juliana to replace it.
"Your mother was staggering under this news when she heard Tristan begin to roar in fury. When she realized he was climbing the stairs toward their chamber, she panicked and fled the room. Juliana hid in the chamber next door until he passed by in the hall. Then she slipped out and down the stairs. Garrod had still been seated at the trestle tables and yelled when she raced down the stairs and out the door, but hadn't given chase right away. Juliana supposed he had gone to fetch his lord. In the meantime, she ran for the stables, collected her mare and rode out of the bailey, forsaking a saddle for speed. She had ridden straight for Claymorgan in the hope that Thomas could keep her child safe.
"You were born moments after she finished telling this tale. Eada placed you in your mother's arms, then attempted to staunch her bleeding, but 'twas no use. Juliana quickly grew weak and, when she could no longer hold you, I took you from her. That was my downfall and my blessing. Even wrinkled and red-faced, you were a beautiful child. When your mother left you in my care and begged me to keep you safe and hide you from Tristan, I could not refuse. You became my new purpose in life. My only purpose."
Willa paused and promptly found the meade shoved at her again. She waved it away, then sniffled and wiped away tears. Lord Wynekyn promptly stepped forward, producing a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. Willa murmured, "thank you," as he finished, then found the cloth over her nose.
"Blow," he instructed briskly.
Willa flushed, but dutifully blew into the handkerchief. Lord Wynekyn nodded his satisfaction and wiped at her nose, as if she were a child, before stepping back and nodding for her to continue.
"Little time passed after your birth and Juliana's death before Tristan rode into Claymorgan bailey with Garrod at his side and a hundred soldiers at his back. I hid you with Eada in my chamber and met them in the great hall. Tristan was angry and bold. When he demanded his wife, I led him to Thomas's room, where your mother still lay. I think he believed Juliana to be sleeping until I told him she had died giving birth to a stillborn child. I told him she should not have been riding in her condition and asked - as if I did not know - what had sent her fleeing Orland as if for her very life. His answer was a cry full of anguish I well knew. 'Twas the same pain I'd known at the deaths of my wife and Thomas. I almost felt pity for him at that moment, but his jealousy had killed Juliana and sent Thomas to his death and was still a threat to you. He never asked after your body, or said another word. He lifted Juliana in his arms, held her to his chest and strode out of the room, looking much older than when he had arrived.
" 'Twas not until they were gone that I learned Garrod had followed us above stairs. He did not come into Thomas's room and I worried that he might have been poking around the other chambers. Eada did not see him, but I feared if he had got too near my room, he might have heard you cry. My fear was not eased when I began getting reports that someone of his description had been seen about the village and even once in the castle bailey.
"I had lost everyone else, my sweet girl. I was determined not to lose you, too. I decided that you were to remain in Thomas's room and never to leave there until I was sure you were safe. I brought a wet nurse in from the village and she and Eada looked after you. But then one day Luieus, Lord Wynekyn, visited. We have been friends since childhood, as you know, and I was too proud not to flaunt you before him. I ordered a servant to have the wet nurse bring you to us. She did, and I quite enjoyed showing you off; then she took you back to your room. I was about to explain who you were and your presence at Claymorgan when the wet nurse started screaming. Luieus and I rushed to the room to find her clasping you tightly while gaping in horror at her own child. She had lain the babe in your cradle to sleep while she brought you to me. Her child was now obviously dead, her face blue from lack of oxygen.
"Babies often die for no reason. 'Tis as if they forget to breathe. Still, I felt a chill run down my neck as I looked on that child and thought it could have been you. These fears were not eased when I learned that a man fitting Garrod's description had been spotted descending the stairs and rushing out of the castle shortly before the death was discovered. I decided not to explain to Wynekyn and kept my own counsel on the matter. I was sure that the wet nurse's child had been smothered by Garrod. He must have mistaken her for you.
"I should have gone to the king then. But, of course, he was still on crusade and while John was running the country in his absence, I had no proof, merely suspicions. Perhaps I also feared your being taken from me - if not to be returned to your father, where I felt your life was in danger, then to court where royal nannies would raise you. I convinced myself that the best thing I could do was to remain quiet and keep you safe.
"You were just a babe, Willa. At first, 'twas easy to keep you a secret. I had you moved to the room next to mine and was more determined than ever to keep you above stairs. Eada and the wet nurse continued to tend you. I visited you daily.
"When you grew old enough to eat solid food and to find the bedchamber confining, I allowed you below. However, I instructed the servants that you were never to be mentioned outside the castle.
"The years passed and the time came when I should have explained these restrictions to you, but did not. I expected you to obey without question. It never occurred to me that you might wish to play out of doors as any normal child would. You had Luvena as a friend and I thought that enough. As time passed without trouble, my vigilance slackened, and so 'twas that - unbeknownst to me - you and Luvena were able to slip out of the castle to play. What happened to Luvena was none of your fault. You were children, acting as children do. What harm could you imagine in playing outside in the sun?
"Nay. 'Twas not your fault. 'Twas mine.
" 'Twas May of 1199, and you were not quite nine years old. King Richard had died in April and John was to be coronated. As earl of Hillcrest I was expected to attend the coronation and pledge my fealty to him. I did not realize it then, but you had already slipped out of the castle on several jaunts with Luvena. The two of you had avoided the village, no doubt for fear of word getting back to me of your excursions. However, you had been seen on one or two occasions anyway and the word had spread that there was a child; a young girl in rich clothing, running the woods with cook's daughter. The coronation was accomplished, I pledged my fealty, concluded some other business I had to attend to and returned home. Wynekyn traveled with me. When we arrived at Claymorgan, you and Luvena were missing.
"The whole castle was in an uproar and I only added to it. I was furious that someone had not noticed you slipping away. I stomped about, yelling orders and taking out my frustrations on the servants. I questioned everyone. When one of the things I learned was that a man fitting Garrod's description had been seen in the area again, my blood ran cold. He had been at court with Tristan when I first arrived, but I had not seen him during the two days after the coronation.
"Then you were found. My relief was boundless... until I saw Luvena wearing your gown and lying pale and still in Baldulf's arms. She was dead.
"I know at first you thought she had fallen, but the bruising told the tale. 'Twas not an accident. The bruises formed very distinct fingerprints on her arms and throat. I was horrified, crushed and - God forgive me - so very grateful 'twas not your life that was lost.
"I know it confused and hurt you when I sent you away with Eada. But 'twas the best I could do at that time. I spread the news that you had died, had you moved to the cottage with guards, and refused to see you myself. Not seeing you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I feared leading him to you. The absence of your sweet face was my punishment for the lack of vigilance that had caused Luvena's death and once more placed your life at such risk.
"Now, as you read this, I can no longer keep my promise to Juliana to keep you safe. All I can do is place you in the hands of someone I think strong enough to do so. This is why I arranged the marriage between you and Hugh. He is strong and smart, an excellent warrior. You will need him, Willa. The moment you marry, your existence will be known. The marriage will be reported to the king. You shall have to accompany Hugh to pledge his fealty as the new earl. The news of your existence will travel through court like fire. Tristan will know you live and your life will again be at risk... from your own father, Tristan D'Orland.
"I can only think that he still believes you to be Thomas's child. He would know better if he had ever laid eyes on you. He could not fail to recognize himself in you. While everything else is Juliana's, you have Tristan's eyes and hair. Thomas was dark-haired, as your mother was. But I fear he will not wait to see whom you resemble, but send his nephew after you again. I pray to God that if he does, he will fail and Hugh will be able to keep you safe.
"Your loving Papa, Richard."
Willa let the scroll settle in her lap, and stared at it silently. She wasn't ready to face those standing so still around her. They all remained silent for a moment, then Lord Wynekyn cleared his throat and breathed, "Well... that clears things up."
"Aye," she heard Lucan agree quietly, then gave a start as something heavy settled on her shoulder. Turning her head, she peered at the large hand resting there, then followed it up to her husband's face. He was peering at her with silent sympathy. She quickly turned away, afraid she might cry otherwise.
"So," Jollivet gave a dramatic sigh. " 'Tis your cousin and father causing all this trouble."
Willa felt her mood lighten at once at his exasperated tone. She lifted a crooked smile to him and shrugged. "If my father is aware of Garrod's actions."
"Oh dear," Jollivet breathed, his expression becoming pitying. "Willa, you cannot believe the man could be unaware?"
Willa shrugged again and glanced down at the scroll in her lap to find that she was twisting it between her hands. She made herself stop at once and said, "He may not know. 'Tis possible."
She could practically feel the pitying gazes of everyone in the room, even Eada. They all thought her a fool. And perhaps she was. Perhaps 'twas just wishful thinking that she might have a parent who would care for her. Willa stood abruptly and moved toward the door.
"Where are you going?" Hugh barked.
"I think I should like to lie down," she said, and much to her relief, Hugh let her go. But she didn't go to her room to lie down. Not right away. First she had to speak to Alsneta.
She found the cook in her kitchen, tossing food about and shouting orders. Willa watched her from the door for a moment, then stepped into the room and crossed to her.
"Alsneta?" she said.
The woman turned to her with surprise, then smiled. "Hello dear. Did you come looking for a sweet treat?"
"Nay." Willa hesitated, then took a deep breath and said, "I came to ask why you wish me dead."
Chapter Seventeen
Hugh stared at the door his wife had just gone through, his mind filled with his last vision of her. Worry gnawed at him. Willa was obviously unready to accept that her own father wished her dead. Hugh knew she was hurting and he ached for her. He wished he'd thought of a way to prevent her from reading the letter. He wouldn't have her hurt this way.
"Hugh?" Lord Wynekyn's voice drew his attention.
"Aye?" he asked. His eyebrows rose when Wynekyn jerked his eyes between him and Baldulf several times, then began nodding his head in the soldier's direction.
When Hugh merely stared at him in confusion, his uncle's friend clucked his tongue impatiently. "Did you not have something you wished to ask Baldulf?" he asked meaningfully.
The question merely added to Hugh's bewilderment. "Did I?"
"About the cottage and whom he might have told - "
"Oh!" Hugh moved to the bed and scowled down at the man. "Did you tell anyone that Willa and I intended to go to the cottage?"
"Nay!" Baldulf appeared surprised at the very question; then his forehead wrinkled and he said, "Well, not really. I mean I did, but - " He glanced sharply at Hugh. "You are not thinking - Were you not followed to the cottage?"
"Nay," Hugh assured him. "The wolves did not act skittish or growl. They would have known had someone followed us would they not?"
"Aye." The soldier nodded slowly. "So whoever set the fire had to have come later. Which means they knew you were at the cottage."
Hugh nodded, his expression stern. "Whom did you tell?"
"Gawain and Alsneta," Baldulf answered promptly. "When the nooning hour came and you did not appear, Gawain apparently went to ask Alsneta if you were eating in your room today. She had no idea. She and Gawain came to ask me if I thought all was well and what they were to do about the meal. I told them that you and Willa had gone to the cottage and probably would not be back for a while."
"Gawain and Alsneta," Hugh murmured, mulling this over. Then he straightened and glanced at Eada. "Have a bath brought up for Willa. She needs to wash away the soot ere she does anything else." When Baldulf promptly began to struggle upright, Hugh waved him back to a reclining position. "Nay, Baldulf. Stay here. I shall watch over her. When she is finished, I shall return her here for you to guard while I talk to Alsneta and Gawain."
"Do you wish me to fetch Gawain and Alsneta for you?" Lucan asked.
"Nay. Not yet. I may be a while with Willa, but I should appreciate your finding them and keeping an eye on them in the meantime." Hugh waited for Lucan's nod, then strode out of the room. His thoughts were troubled as he hurried to his chamber. Willa had shown some affection for the cook. That being the case, Hugh did not like any suspicion cast on the woman. He would have to see to this matter quickly. Right after he saw to his wife's bath and getting her to bed.