He was quiet, his face drawn and blank.
I let out a hiss of frustration. Of course he was too trashed to comprehend what I was saying, so I needed to keep stuff short and straight to the point.
“Interview is canceled.”
I gave the room another glance then stepped toward the door. “We’ll have to apologize to the staff some other time.” With one hell of a swag bag, I thought, making a mental note. “Let’s get you in a cab and--”
“Today’s the anniversary.”
I looked back at him and froze when I saw his eyes were filled with tears.
“I killed her. Seven years ago today.”
I had to have misheard him. Even if I hadn’t, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear more. That privilege stuff was for lawyers and priests.
I pretended that I didn’t hear him, maintaining a safe distance. “Let’s get you home, Cade.”
“I was everything to her,” he trailed on, trudging back to the mirror, gazing into it like he hated who was reflected back at him. “She was just a pretty face to me. I didn’t love her. I mean, if I loved her, I would have written her more when I was in the sandbox instead of putting my dick in every piece of pu**y I could find.” He punched the top of the vanity, making me jump. “I didn’t care about the mission or making a goddamn difference. I just cared about myself.”
I swallowed the knot in my throat, thinking, knowing he was about to tell me something horrible. “Cade--”
“She used to say that she couldn’t live without me, that she’d rather die than be alone. Some guy in my platoon with a conscience told her about what happened.” He shook his head. “I thought I was the shit. Like she should have been honored that I decided to stick it out with her. And the other girls? That was just the price she had to pay to be Mrs. Cade Wallace.
When I came back from my tour, she was different. Quiet. But I was still so hung up on myself that I couldn’t see her slipping away. Didn’t see it until it was too late and I...I...I found her.” He gasped, like he was back there. Back in that place. “I found her in the bathtub.”
He didn’t say any more than that but I filled in the blanks. Suddenly his comments about meeting the soldier and feeling like a fake, shying away from his military service, it all made sense.
“I’m not a hero. And I have no right to play one, or profit from it,” Tears lashed down his face. “How can I sit across from that desk and act like one? Act like I’m worth a damn?”
After a day of being on top of the world, feeling like I could take on anything on, I looked at him and felt completely and utterly useless. I couldn’t even begin to relate or understand what it would be like to find my significant other dead at their own hand. Even with this massive, giant of a man brought low, sobbing uncontrollably, I would never truly know what he was going through.
I went to him, my hand hesitating a few inches above his back as Jacob’s face flashed through my mind.
You’re a fixer, I thought firmly. You’re not cheating if you’re just trying to help your client.
His tears stopped as soon as my hand made contact. He closed his eyes, his heavy breathing slowing as I stroked his back, telling him it wasn’t his fault. Telling him everything would be okay.
He opened his eyes, a smile playing at his lips, then wavering when he turned and looked at what he’d done. “Jesus.”
“Yeah,” I smiled up at him, glad that he was sobering up and shared something so personal. So raw. Maybe someday, if he could respect my relationship with Jacob, we could be friends after all.
I opened my mouth to tell him it was time to leave before they called security and he rushed forward, taking my face between his massive hands. Before I could react, he slammed his mouth into mine. The kiss couldn’t have lasted longer than a heartbeat. A blink of an eye.
He pulled back almost immediately, remembering himself. And after a stunned moment where it sunk in and I realized what he’d done, my hand sliced toward his cheek.
He caught it easily, his mouth working as he tried to apologize, but it came out as gibberish. “I...uh...didn’t...I meant...sorry--”
I yanked my arm from his grip, speaking in some mishmash language myself. “You...Jacob...can’t...BASTARD!”
I wanted to lunge at him, to pummel him with both hands, but I knew I was no match. I had to leave. I had to just GO.
I turned around and faced the cherry on top--Lisa standing in the doorway, her mouth an O of surprise.
I shoved past, seeing red as blood roared in my ears. I had to get out of there. I had to get out now.
****
"I'm going to kill him."
When I looked at Jacob’s face, I didn’t see a trace of any emotion besides determination. The stoic mask was all machine with one purpose only--ending Cade Wallace.
I stepped in front of him, barring the exit. "Don’t do something you’re gonna regret."
"You told him you were attached and uninterested and he took it as an invitation." Jacob started rolling up his sleeves. "Get out of my way, Leila."
This was escalating to Crazy Town. "Okay, so you’re going to go to his apartment and challenge him to a duel or fight or whatever. And what are we supposed to do when the reporters snap pictures of your face?"
"My face?" He snorted. "The bigger they are, the harder they fall. I'm sure they'll be more concerned with Cade's broken nose."
I didn't move, even though I was sure a slight breeze would have knocked me out flat. I couldn't believe that he was willing to create a whole new scandal and go toe to toe with Cade just to protect my honor. It was sweet but I couldn’t let it go down.
"I'm not going to let you do this," I said firmly. "Not for me."
"I guess it's a good thing I don't need your permission then."
I knew I could tell him about Cade’s wife and it would at least chill his blood and give me a chance to convince him to let it go, but I felt like it wasn't my secret to tell. Still, there was another part of me that knew that picking and choosing what I thought Jacob should know wasn't fair to him.
I inhaled sharply, praying that I wasn't just making things worse.
"I found out something personal. Something that I think explains why he did what he did."
He shifted, but didn't stand down. "I'm listening."
"Apparently Cade was married, back when he was in the military." I didn't feel like his...extracurricular activities were relevant, so I got to the point. "When he came home from a tour, his wife committed suicide."