I stood there with the rain driving against my back. Time, strategy, hope, the weather, fear of failure. All parts of the reason for staying. All right there on the list.
But top of the list was a woman.
Not Susan Duffy, not Teresa Daniel. A woman from long ago, from another life. She was called Dominique Kohl. I was a captain in the army when I met her. I was one year away from my final promotion to major. I got to my office early one morning and found the usual stack of paperwork on my desk. Most of it was junk. But among it was a copy of an order assigning an E-7 Sergeant First Class Kohl, D.E. to my unit. Back then we were in a phase where all written references to personnel had to be gender-neutral. The name Kohl sounded German to me and I pictured some big ugly guy from Texas or Minnesota. Big red hands, big red face, older than me, maybe thirty-five, with a whitewall haircut. Later in the morning the clerk buzzed through to say the guy was reporting for duty. I made him wait ten minutes just for the fun of it and then called him in. But the him was a her and she wasn't big and ugly. She was wearing a skirt. She was about twenty-nine years old. She wasn't tall, but she was too athletic to be called petite. And she was too pretty to be called athletic. It was like she had been exquisitely molded from the stuff they make the inside of tennis balls out of. There was an elasticity about her. A firmness and a softness, all at the same time. She looked sculpted, but she had no hard edges. She stood rigidly at attention in front of my desk and snapped a smart salute. I didn't return it, which was rude of me. I just stared at her for five whole seconds.
"At ease, Sergeant," I said.
She handed me her copy of her orders and her personnel file. We called them service jackets. They contained everything anybody needed to know. I left her standing easy in front of me while I read hers through, which was rude of me too, but there was no other option. I didn't have a visitor's chair. Back then the army didn't provide them below the rank of full colonel. She stood completely still, hands clasped behind her back, staring at a point in the air exactly a foot above my head.
Her jacket was impressive. She had done a little of everything and succeeded at it all in spectacular fashion. Expert marksman, specialist in a number of skills, tremendous arrest record, excellent clear-up percentage. She was a good leader and had been promoted fast. She had killed two people, one with a firearm, one unarmed, both incidents rated righteous by the subsequent investigating panels. She was a rising star. That was clear. I realized that her transfer represented a substantial compliment to me, in some superior's mind.
"Glad to have you aboard," I said.
"Sir, thank you, sir," she said, with her eyes fixed in space.
"I don't do all that shit," I said. "I'm not afraid I'm going to vaporize if you look at me and I don't really like one sir in a sentence, let alone two, OK?"
"OK," she said. She caught on fast. She never called me sir again, the whole rest of her life.
"Want to jump right in at the deep end?" I said.
She nodded. "Sure."
I rattled open a drawer and slid a slim file out and passed it across to her. She didn't look at it. Just held it one-handed down by her side and looked at me.
"Aberdeen, Maryland," I said. "At the proving grounds. There's a weapons designer acting weird. Confidential tip from a buddy who's worried about espionage. But I think it's more likely blackmail. Could be a long and sensitive investigation."
"No problem," she said.
She was the reason I didn't walk out through the open and unguarded gate.
I went inside instead and took a long hot shower. Nobody likes to risk confrontation when they're wet and naked, but I was way past caring. I guess I was feeling fatalistic. Whatever, bring it on. Then I wrapped up in a towel and went down a flight and found Duke's room. Stole another set of his clothes. I dressed in them and put my own shoes and jacket and coat on. Went back to the kitchen to wait. It was warm in there. The way the sea was pounding and the rain was beating on the windows made it feel warmer still. It was like a sanctuary. The cook was in there, doing something with a chicken.
"Got coffee?" I asked her.
She shook her head.
"Why not?"
"Caffeine," she said.
I looked at the back of her head.
"Caffeine is the whole point of coffee," I said. "Anyway, tea's got caffeine, and I've seen you make that."
"Tea has tannin," she said.
"And caffeine," I said.
"So drink tea instead," she said.
I looked around the room. There was a wooden block standing vertically on a counter with black knife handles protruding at angles. There were bottles and glasses. I guessed under the sink there might be ammonia sprays. Maybe some chlorine bleach. Enough improvised weapons for a close-quarters fight. If Beck was even a little inhibited about shooting in a crowded room, I might be OK. I might be able to take him before he took me. All I would need was half a second.
"You want coffee?" the cook asked. "Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes," I said. "It is."
"All you have to do is ask."
"I did ask."
"No, you asked if there was any," she said. "Not the same thing."
"So will you make me some? Please?"
"What happened to Mr. Duke?"
I paused. Maybe she was planning on marrying him, like in old movies where the cook marries the butler and they retire and live happily ever after.
"He was killed," I said.
"Last night?"
I nodded. "In an ambush."
"Where?"
"In Connecticut."
"OK," she said. "I'll make you some coffee."
She set the machine going. I watched where she got everything from. The filter papers were stored in a cupboard next to the paper napkins. The coffee itself was in the freezer. The machine was old and slow. It made a loud ponderous gulping sound. Combined with the rain lashing on the windows and the waves pounding on the rocks it meant I didn't hear the Cadillac come back. First I knew, the back door was thrown open and Elizabeth Beck burst in with Richard crowding after her and Beck himself bringing up the rear. They were moving with the kind of exhilarated breathless urgency people show after a short fast dash through heavy rain.
"Hello," Elizabeth said to me.
I nodded. Said nothing.
"Coffee," Richard said. "Great."
"We went out for breakfast," Elizabeth said. "Old Orchard Beach. There's a little diner there we like."
"Paulie figured we shouldn't wake you," Beck said. "He figured you looked pretty tired last night. So he offered to drive us instead."
"OK," I said. Thought: Did Paulie find my stash? Did he tell them yet?
"You want coffee?" Richard asked me. He was over by the machine, rattling cups in his hand.
"Black," I said. "Thanks."
He brought me a cup. Beck was peeling off his coat and shaking water off it onto the floor.
"Bring it through," he called. "We need to talk."
He headed out to the hallway and looked back like he expected me to follow him. I took my coffee with me. It was hot and steaming. I could toss it in his face if I had to. He led me toward the square paneled room we had used before. I was carrying my cup, which slowed me down a little. He got there well ahead of me. When I entered he was already all the way over by one of the windows with his back to me, looking out at the rain. When he turned around he had a gun in his hand. I just stood still. I was too far away to use the coffee. Maybe fourteen feet. It would have looped up and curled and dispersed in the air and probably missed him altogether.