"Neither can I," he replied calmly.
Stunned, she lay frozen for a few seconds, wondering if she'd heard him correctly. When she could move, she peeked out from under her arm to find him lying there watching her with something like relief in his eyes. "What?"
"I had a vasectomy years ago. I didn't think my genes were something that needed to be passed along."
He was probably right, she thought, and burst into tears. Damn the man, he could make her cry when nothing else in the world could. But wasn't that something he'd do, calmly analyze the situation and then take steps to protect the world from his progeny, which might carry the peculiar combination that made him so lethal, but without his coolness of thought, his restraint?
"I-I had to have a hysterectomy when I was fifteen," she said, hiccuping and crying and talking all at once. She got up and went into the bathroom, got a tissue to blow her nose. While she was there, she took care of another area that needed attention, then wet another washcloth and took it to him.
"My own genes aren't anything to brag about," she said, still sniffling a little. "It took a miracle to get my attention, and you can't count on miracles all that often."
"One to a lifetime, probably." He gave her a wry, crooked smile. "And I've already had mine...with you."
She lay down beside him again, cradling her head on his shoulder and placing her hand on his chest. Feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart made her feel better, more secure. She would always feel better when he was near, their bond making her stronger; she hoped she had even half that effect on him, because it wouldn't be fair if she got all the benefits and he gave and gave with nothing coming back to him.
"I don't expect much," he murmured, staring at the ceiling while he stroked her hair. "At the end. If remorse is a requirement for redemption, then I'm not there. I don't imagine I ever will be. All I can offer is...revenge, maybe, and retribution. I can offer restraint-unless you're threatened, and then all bets are off. But I don't feel remorse. Some people need killing, and I did the job. So...this life with you is probably all I'll have, but it's enough, sweetheart. It's enough."
The damn tears started again, and Andie smiled at him through the blur as she leaned forward to kiss him. His heart beat strongly beneath her fingers and she flattened her palm over that vital, rhythmic surge. "Don't count yourself out," she advised. "I have inside information, and in the end, I think, you'll be fine."
It would be a long road for both of them, she thought, suddenly seeing a span of years stretching out in front of them. She got only a sense of time passing, no specific incidents, but years and years and years. They had time, and they had each other.