Damon had been a monster, she knew - he had kil ed, although not as blithely as he pretended; he had manipulated people and enjoyed it; he had haunted and hated Stefan for hundreds of years - but she had also seen the lost little boy he kept locked inside him. He had loved her, she had loved him, and he had died.
And she loved Stefan. Desperately, devotedly, undeniably. She loved the sincerity in his eyes, his pride, his courtly manners, his honor, and his intel igence. She loved that he had rejected the monster that lurked inside him, the one that had driven so many vampires to terrible acts. She loved the sorrow he held - for his past, for his hatred and jealousy of Damon, for the terrible things he had seen. And she loved the hope that always sprang up in him, the strength of wil Stefan possessed that al owed him to keep fighting back the darkness.
Beyond al that, she loved Stefan. But she was afraid. She had thought she knew him inside and out, that she could see clear through to the innermost reaches of his soul. That wasn't true, not anymore. Not since the Guardians had stripped her powers, severing their psychic connection and reverting her back to a normal, human girl. Elena rol ed over and buried her face in the pil ow. She knew the truth now. No matter what the Guardians had done for her, she would never be a normal girl. Her life would never be simple. Tragedy and horror would fol ow her forever.
In the end, there was nothing Elena could do to change her destiny.
Chapter 20
"Cookies," Alaric said gravely. "Bonnie thinks she could manage to choke down a few cookies. Just to keep her strength up."
"Cookies, got it," said Meredith, rummaging in Mrs. Flowers's kitchen cabinet to find a mixing bowl. She clunked a big china bowl that was probably older than she was onto the counter and checked the refrigerator. Eggs, milk, butter. Flour in the freezer. Vanil a and sugar in the cupboard.
"Look at you," Alaric said admiringly as Meredith unwrapped a stick of butter. "You don't even need a recipe. Is there anything you can't do?"
"Lots of things," Meredith replied, basking in the warmth of Alaric's gaze.
"What can I do to help?" he asked cheerful y.
"You can get another mixing bowl and measure two cups of flour and a teaspoon of baking powder into it," Meredith told him. "I'l beat the butter with the other ingredients in this bowl, and then we can put them together."
"Got it." Alaric found a bowl and measuring cups and started to measure out the items. Meredith watched his strong, tanned hands confidently leveling off the flour. Alaric had gorgeous hands, she thought. His shoulders were nice, too, and his face. Al of him, real y.
She realized she was ogling her boyfriend instead of stirring, and felt her cheeks color, even though no one was watching her. "Pass me the measuring cups when you're done with them?"
He handed them to her. "I know something scary's going on, and I want to protect Bonnie, too," he said, smiling a little, "but I think she might be milking the situation a little. She loves that everyone's pampering her."
"Bonnie's being very brave," said Meredith primly, then flashed him a grin, "and, yes, she might be milking it."
Matt came down the stairs and into the kitchen. "I think maybe Bonnie should have some tea when she gets out of her bubble bath," he said. "Mrs. Flowers is busy putting protective spel s on the bedroom Bonnie chose, but she said she has a mix of chamomile and rosemary that would be good, and to put honey in it."
Meredith focused on mixing the cookie ingredients together as Matt boiled water and careful y measured dried herbs and honey to make the tea to Mrs. Flowers's exact specifications. When he final y finished fussing over it, Matt picked up the fragile teacup and saucer careful y.
"Wait, maybe I'd better take the whole pot up," he said. As he searched for a tray to carry it on, he asked,
"Meredith, are you sure you and Bonnie got everything she might need from her house?"
"She was up there for nearly a half hour. She got everything she wanted," said Meredith, "and if we missed anything, I'm sure Mrs. Flowers has some extras."
"Good," said Matt, his handsome face intent as he picked up the tea tray without spil ing anything. "I just want to make sure Bonnie's okay."
He left the kitchen, and Meredith listened to his footsteps heading back upstairs. Once he was out of earshot, she and Alaric both burst out laughing.
"Yes, she's definitely milking it," said Meredith, when she'd stopped giggling.
Alaric pul ed her toward him. His face was serious and intent now, and Meredith caught her breath. When they were this close, she could see the hidden flecks of gold in his hazel eyes, and they felt like a secret only Meredith knew.
"I love how you take care of your friend," Alaric told her, his voice low. "What I love most is that you know she's pushing it as far as she can, seeing what you'l do for her, and you laugh, but you're stil going to give her whatever she needs." He frowned a little. "No, that's not right. I do love how you see the funny side of it, but what I love most is how wel you take care of everyone you can." He pul ed her closer stil . "I guess mostly I love you, Meredith."
Meredith kissed him. How could she have worried that Celia would come between them? It was like there had been a mist fil ing her eyes, making it so that she was unable to see the simple truth: Alaric was crazy about her. After a minute, she broke the kiss and turned back to the cookie dough. "Get a cookie sheet, would you?" she asked. Alaric stood stil for a moment. "Okay..." he said. Closing her eyes, Meredith summoned al her strength. She had to tel him. She had promised herself she would. He handed her a cookie sheet and she busied herself by scooping spoonfuls of dough onto it. "There's something I need to tel you, Alaric," she said.