I sighed, a hand resting on my son's back. "But...my family...?" I let that trail off, knowing I couldn't argue my family's importance over his own. There was just no way to do that.
He looked down, understanding that as well. "I know." He peeked up. "We could visit...constantly."
I looked down to the end of the bed, where Spike had decided to rest while he waited for us to get up. "If we left, would everyone here be wiped?"
I glanced back at him and he looked down, then slowly nodded. "Yes, not your family, of course, but everyone else...yes. They would still remember you, vaguely, but not anything about you being with me." He shrugged. "I'm sorry."
I sighed again, lying back to the pillows. I tried to imagine every friend or acquaintance I knew only hazily remembering my face, and probably not even remembering my name. I tried to imagine leaving my mother and sister, only to see them on holidays and special occasions. I couldn't picture it. Being on "bed rest" had been hard enough, and that had only been a few months. A long term separation...would be painful. Feeling the tears sting my eyes, I unfairly muttered, "But your family is immortal...mine isn't."
He brought his hand back to my face, twisting me to look at him. "My dad isn't." He shrugged, like he knew it wasn't a fair argument either.
We both sighed at the same time and I had a sudden appreciation for spouses that met and married great distances from each other's families. You pretty much had to choose which side to go over to, and there was no way to really fairly decide that.
Looking glum, he whispered, "We've always moved together..." He let that trail off and looked away from me.
I could see the guilt there and hated that he felt it. He shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to stay near the family he loved, the same as I shouldn't feel guilty. Pushing aside a decision that was still, at the minimum, a year away, I brought my fingers to his stubbled jaw. He looked back at me, sadness in his pale eyes.
I smiled warmly. We could work this out. Our being together was the most important thing anyway. Smiling even wider, I stroked his cheek. "We have time to think about it. We have time to decide what we want to do...and we'll decide together, okay?"
He smiled softly, then nodded. "Together...I like that."
His words reminiscent of a conversation held between us long ago, a conversation regarding the two miracles we'd brought into this world, I laughed lightly. He laughed with me, then leaned down across Julian's body to give me a soft kiss.
Julian stirred between us, a shudder running through him at the feel of Teren's chill. I bundled him up next to me and pushed Teren away. "Why don't you go keep your promise to your daughter, and go help your dad."
I said the last part softly and his eyes flicked over my face for long seconds before he stood up. I watched him silently as he stripped off the clothes that he'd slept in, then dressed in rugged jeans and a button-up shirt. I sighed at how attractive the man was and wished for the millionth time that he had a cowboy hat tucked away somewhere. It would just complete the fantasy for me.
Finished getting ready for the day, he leaned over me and his sleeping son, giving us each a cool kiss. "We'll be outside, if you need us." He grinned, obviously eager to show his daughter the world he secretly, or maybe not so secretly, loved.
He ruffled the fur on Spike's head as he twisted to leave. "Come on, boy." Spike thumped his tail and eagerly hopped down, following his master out of the room. Alone with a slightly snoring toddler, I rested my cheek on his head and thought about leaving my family.
I was still thinking about it when I walked downstairs awhile later with Julian in tow. His energy level now matching his boisterous sister's, he bounded into Alanna's arms when we met up with her in the kitchen. She laughed merrily and effortlessly picked him up. Sighing at the sight of them, so similar, so perfectly natural together, I thought of my own mother, bad leg and all. Alanna twisted her head to me as she held Julian on her hip. "You alright, dear?"
Her voice was quiet, subdued, like she knew exactly what thoughts were tumbling through my head. And I supposed she did, probably having heard Teren's and my entire conversation. Lack of privacy was just something you got used to, hanging around vampires.
I shrugged. "Just torn, I guess." She rustled Julian's hair then made a bowl of cereal for him, setting it in front of a stool, beside a granite island in the center of the room.
I watched him scramble up to his breakfast as she responded to my vague reply. "Don't let Teren's concerns for his father, override your own."
I looked up at her, surprised that she wouldn't immediately side with her son. Surely she would want him to stay close? Noticing my startlement, she shrugged again and lightly shook her head. "Jack will be around for several more ranch shifts. Teren has nothing to fear yet."
She smiled sadly and I wondered for a moment if she really believed that. Forcing a grin back to her features, she rested a cool hand on mine. "We've already done so much to you. We won't ask you to give up your life here." Her eyes flicked to the scar on my neck. A scar I tried to keep hidden with my hair, but one their super sight could see no matter what I did. The scar of where I'd been bitten, where my life had turned a complete one eighty.
I looked down, troubled that she felt responsible for that in any way. It really hadn't been anybody's fault. Well, except for the prick who'd actually done it. Him I blamed wholeheartedly. "Well, we haven't decided yet either way and...we have time?" I peeked up at her and she nodded slightly.
Releasing me, she went about prepping some food for her mother, tucked away in her darkened bedrooms. I watched the eternally youthful caretaker warm up a container of blood, wondering how she'd get through the torment Halina and Imogen had both suffered. I wished beyond anything that I could spare her that pain.
"Alanna...will you be alright?"
She looked back at me, her timeless eyes momentarily worn. "Of course, Emma." She turned and leaned her back to the counter, her gaze wandering outside to where I could hear Jack whistling a soft tune while he worked.
The edges of her lips curled into a small smile. "He's the love of my life. He's given me so much joy and happiness. He accepted me for what I was, because he loved me. He let go of every friend he'd ever had to be with me. He deals with the gossip of being called a cradle robber, every time we start up somewhere new. He watches me kill. He watches me drink blood. And he watches me stay young...while he ages."
Her eyes came back to mine, soft pink tears in them. "And he does it all without complaint, because he loves me, and he doesn't want to be apart from me." She shook her head, her tears falling. "He is my everything and I will take each day that I have with him, each memory that we make together, and I will cherish him for all eternity, whether he's beside me or not."
She smiled sadly while I sniffled. "But I won't condemn him to Halina's life, nor does he wish to be condemned." She shrugged softly. "I will respect his wishes, by letting him die. In the end, that is the best way that I can repay him for the sacrifices that he has made for me over the years."
I nodded, hating that I understood. A part of me wanted them together forever, like Teren and I would be. But Jack was happy human, and wished to stay that way. Alanna wouldn't have him changed for her own selfish reasons, and she was right, being with vampires was a sacrifice. I could see that, as I contemplated my own future. Jack had already given her so much, and all he'd asked in return, was a normal, typical death. And while sad and horrible, it was also the cycle we all lived by, even long-lived vampires, eventually.
Walking up to the woman, I engulfed her in a warm hug. "You will never be alone, Alanna. We will never let you be alone."
I pulled back from her, my cheeks disastrously wet. She smiled, wiping them dry. "I know." She inhaled deeply, glancing over at an obliviously eating Julian. "My family is what makes it okay for me to let him go."
The blood warming on the stove filled the air with a warm, refreshing scent, better than cinnamon on a chilly day. Alanna smiled as she poured some into a thermos for Imogen. "And I will let him go...just not today." She winked at me and then turned to go take care of her mother.
I shook my head at her as I watched her walk away, blown away by yet another woman in Teren's life.
Back at home a few days later, my mind was still tossing around Alanna's words. Even though I had an ample amount of time to decide, I was torn over which direction to take my life. Thinking of everything that Jack had sacrificed for Alanna, willingly, without complaint, made it feel a little selfish to me to do anything other than give Teren exactly what he wanted.
But I couldn't really compare the situation. Jack may have had no better option to him than his life with Alanna. Maybe what she deemed a sacrifice, really wasn't one in his eyes. Mentally, I made a note to sit and talk with Jack. Even though he wasn't the type to open up with his feelings, he'd surely have some insight for me on life with a vampire spouse.
As time went on, I thought to talk to Teren about it again, but Teren didn't seem to want to think about it again yet. No, Teren had started to fixate on something else entirely.
"So, what do you want to do?"
I sighed, setting my mammoth bag on the on the couch. Julian and Nika immediately started going through it. Watching Nika grab my cell phone and start to pretend that she was talking to Julian on it, I twisted to Teren. "Why do we have to do anything? Can't we just have a quiet night in?"
I pouted a little as he smirked and walked up to me. Slinging his arms around my waist, he shook his head. "You only turn thirty once, we should celebrate in style." He ducked down to meet my eye. "We could get that overnight sitter?"
I smiled at his attempt to get me alone for awhile, then shook my head. "I think, just this once, that I'd rather have a quiet night at home with you and the kids, maybe watching a movie."
Teren chuckled lightly, then pulled me into his body. "Alright, I guess I should cancel the clowns and pony rides."
Nika dropped my phone, staring up at us. "A pony?"
Julian peeked up too, but he frowned. "No clowns, Daddy." Clowns came with balloons, so naturally Julian didn't like either one. "Can we have a pony?" He brightened instantly and they were both wrapped around our ankles begging for their own horses.
Teren laughed and I poked him in the chest. Some things you just didn't say around kids..."pony" was one of those things. Looking down at my twins, I sighed. "No, Daddy was teasing, nobody is getting a pony."
They both groaned in unison, and still chuckling, Teren said, "Sorry, guys, no ponies this year."
As they groaned again, then twisted to storm off upstairs, Teren tightened his grip on me and whispered in my ear. "I might still get the bouncy house though." He gave me a devilish smile as he said it and my heart started to beat just a smidge faster.
From upstairs, I heard, "Yeah, bouncy house!" I rolled my eyes and sighed again. Darn super ears.
Teren laughed again and was about to respond when we both stopped and tilted out heads. A car was crunching to a stop in our half circle drive. Our place was well spaced from our neighbors' homes, so it was pretty easy to tell when someone was pulling into our drive and not next door's. Thinking it was my sister, I smacked him in the stomach a final time before disengaging myself.