Yikes. I’d heard enough of Ainsley’s rants to know that wasn’t good.
“And I cannot come up with a good excuse to back out, because he knows I’ll take any chance to get out of the house.” She paused, looking at me. “Can we pretend you have chicken pox and I need to take care of you?”
I laughed.
Ainsley sighed. “Guess not. I just... I hate his friends. They all think they’re better and smarter than me, because I’m homeschooled. They constantly make these comments suggesting how hard it must be for me to socialize with ‘normal’ people. You know what?”
I raised my brows.
“It is hard for me to socialize with them, because I’m pretty sure most of them sincerely believe that the First Amendment actually means they can say anything they want without consequences. Like no, that does not protect your butt when you say something ignorant on Facebook and end up getting kicked off the football team or whatever!”
My lips twitched.
She threw up her hands, and I hid a smile. “That’s not how that works, you know? It is not a free pass. Do you know, one of his friends last week actually argued with me about that? He was all like, let me wannabe mansplain this to you while incorrectly explaining the First Amendment. He was trying to tell me that it meant he could say whatever he wanted to say, because it was his opinion and it was protected. Free speech, he yelled. Um, maybe from the government, but not from anything else when it comes down to it. I was like, is he for real?”
At least I wasn’t thinking about sex anymore.
“Besides the fact that not all speech is protected in the first place, I’m pretty sure our founding fathers stated it pretty damn clearly.” She drew in a sharp breath. “Oh my God, I’m like that insurance commercial. I want to scream, ‘This is not how this works! This is not how any of this works!’ Look, shout your opinions from the rooftops, but please, dear Lord, stop thinking the First Amendment is going to protect you from losing your job or from getting kicked out of a frat house. Or—or! From other people having a difference in opinion.”
Ainsley was entertaining a future in law.
“And yeah, I can speak three languages fluently,” she continued. “But they want to treat me like I’m some kind of simpleton, just because I’m homeschooled.” Her shoulders slumped. “I hate saying this, but I...I don’t like them.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She shook her head, and long straight strands of hair flew in the wind. “It’s whatever. I’ll deal.”
Ainsley would. She always did.
After a few moments, she said, “Oh, man, I have such a headache.” Lifting her hand, she rubbed her brow, above her left eye. “I don’t know if it’s stress over tomorrow or sinuses or my eyeballs or what.”
My brows furrowed. “Your...eyes have been...bothering you a lot lately.”
“Have they?” Her lips pursed. “I guess so. I just have crap eyesight. You know that.”
Did I ever. Ainsley probably should wear her glasses more often, since I had no idea how she saw anything without them. I’d tried them on once, and it was like seeing the world through funhouse mirrors. Once I had asked her why she didn’t wear them, but she swore that she could see, as she put it, what she needed to see.
Throwing an arm around my shoulders, Ainsley snuggled close, resting her head on my shoulder. “Don’t hate me, ’cause I’m about to bring the conversation back to Rider, but it’s for purely selfish reasons. I hope you guys end up hanging out a lot and then we can double-date. Not that it’d be a date-date, but close enough. Do you know why I want to double-date with you?”
My lips kicked up at the corners.
“Because you’re awesome,” she said, giggling. “And I could use some extra awesome when it comes to Todd.”
Something occurred to me. “Do you...really like Todd?”
Ainsley sighed. “Good question. I don’t know. I guess I like him for now, but not for forever.”
I could’ve told Ainsley that for now was pretty darn good. That none of us knew what the future held. That forever could be yanked out of reach. Instead, I smiled and tried not to picture all the dates she was planning for Rider and me, dates that were never going to happen.
I was going to give for now a try, myself.
Chapter 12
I white-knuckled the drive to school Monday morning, my stomach twisting and churning the entire time. A huge part of me didn’t even want to show up, because what was the point? The deal Carl had made with Mr. Santos meant I wasn’t really pushing myself.
But I had to go to class. Even if I would only be giving my speeches in front of one person, I had to show my face. If I didn’t, I would be that same girl who could barely look at herself in the mirror, let alone hold a conversation with anyone.
I thought of Ainsley, of how hard it still was to talk in person to even my closest friend. I loathed that I took shyness to a whole new, crippling level. Shyness wasn’t even the right word, according to Dr. Taft. But it was still what people had always labeled me.
Mallory was just shy.
Mallory needed to come out of her shell.
If I really was in a shell, it was titanium-laced and wrecking ball–proof.
When I turned the corner leading to my locker, my step stumbled as I saw Paige leaning against it.
Oh no.
I had a feeling that her waiting for me wasn’t the same thing as Jayden waiting for me.
Instinct flared to life, demanding that I turn around and go to class. I didn’t have my morning books, but I could stop by afterward, maybe, and grab them. Or maybe this wasn’t going to end badly. I wanted it not to. I wanted things to be okay between Paige and me. She was important to Rider.