“I love kids. Seeing the girls’ happiness has not affected my own. I can share their happiness with them. I think Hardy and I have been hiding from the truth. If it was just a case of us moving on from what happened, it would have been different. I didn’t move on.” She was frowning, staring off into space as she talked. “I changed who I was. He didn’t change himself.” She licked her lips, putting the brush onto the table. “I wasn’t the kind of woman who took her clothes off while dancing for the whole club to see.” The tears that had been filling her eyes stumbled down her cheeks. “My life was filled with books, cooking, boring mundane crap that Hardy thought was cute. I was a virgin when he claimed me.”
“I thought you hung around the club. I thought you were a sweet-butt.”
“I did hang around the club, but I was with a sweet-butt who has since moved on. She stayed around, fucked several of the men, but Hardy caught sight of me and I never looked at anyone else. Hardy’s always been like that for me.” She shook her head. “We were young, and I was a fucking idiot. All he ever had to do was ask me for anything and I gave it to him. I never made him work hard for me. He had that ability. I don’t know if every woman was like that. He was the first man I fell in love with.”
“Are you going to leave him?”
“I don’t know.” She started to fiddle with the brush. “I think I need to, but then I worry.”
Whizz didn’t say anything as she went silent in between thoughts.
“I love him. I really do, and I hate what we’re going through. I wake up, and I think, this day will be different. I can go back to pretending and forgetting, and then I look at him or he’ll say something. It doesn’t have to be relevant, and the memories come. I’m pulled back to that moment I realized the man I loved was fucking another woman. I wish there was something I could do or say to stop what’s happening to us, but I can’t.” She tucked some of her red hair behind her ear. Her blue eyes blurred with tears. “I don’t know if I can keep pretending to be something I’m not. This woman you all know, it’s not me. It has never been me.”
“You need to do what’s right for you.”
“The club is my life.”
“Then find a way to forgive him or a way to move on. Your life isn’t over, Rose. You’re a beautiful woman. Give him a chance to love the woman you once were.” Whizz poured them both a coffee. “Just out of curiosity did you wear glasses?”
Rose chuckled, wiping the tears from under her eyes. “I was the kid who wore glasses, braces—you name it, I had it. When I met Hardy, the braces were long gone. I wear contacts now.” She shrugged.
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Rose. The club loves you. You’re part of us, and I hope you never turn your back on us.”
“I won’t.” She reached over, touching his hand. “Thank you, Whizz.” She stood up, grabbing a portable cup. “I’m going to go to the spa to clear my head. I’ve got some decisions to make. Please, don’t tell Hardy where I am.”
“He loves you,” Whizz said.
“I know. He refuses to give me any space, and I need it.” She walked out of the kitchen, leaving him alone.
Whizz didn’t know how long he sat there before Gash made his way into the kitchen. He looked like he’d spent the whole night partying and not enough time sleeping. “Fuck, I feel awful.”
“That’s what you get for drinking all night.”
“Raven’s been keeping me company. I swear she’s got a pussy that’s never satisfied. I’m starting to think you need to share her in order to give her what she really wants.” He poured himself a cup of black coffee, no sugar or milk. “Everyone else asleep?”
“Rose just popped out. She’s gone to the spa, but she doesn’t want Hardy to know.”
“I remember them being so fucking solid. I tell you, it shocks me to see them struggling and I’ve been inside for five years. Everything has changed while I’ve been gone. Lash is settled with a good woman, too damn good for him. Nash became an addict. Tiny finally married Eva. Wherever I turn new shit is going down.” Gash took a sip, wincing. “Fuck, that shit’s horrible.”
“I can’t make coffee.” Whizz took a sip, used to his brew.
“I was hoping Angel was up. She cooks the best food.”
Stink walked into the room next followed by Sandy. The two were inseparable nowadays. Sandy didn’t want to sleep with the club, and Stink had offered to keep her within his room without hitting on her. Stink was in love with Sandy, who had been a club whore up until she was hurt. Whizz knew the man would do anything to claim her as his own. She’d stopped sleeping with the men a couple of years ago, but Stink hadn’t made his move.
“What are you doing today?” Whizz asked.
“I’m sticking around the club. Tiny’s asked for me to wait before I take out my revenge.” Gash shrugged. “I’ve got no choice but to wait for the bitch to pay.”
“Whatever Tiny says is usually right,” Sandy said, sitting beside him as Stink grabbed a coffee for himself.
Prue rounded the corner carrying Markus on her hip. Frowning, Whizz looked at Prue then at Markus. “You’ve all got dirty minds. I passed Killer and Kelsey’s room. I heard her throwing up, and Markus was screaming. Killer needed some help, and I adore this little guy.” Prue pressed a kiss to the boy’s cheek. “Seriously, I’m in love with Zero. You’re all dirty bastards.”
“I didn’t think anything about it,” Sandy said, holding her hands up in surrender.
Whizz was already laughing. He loved winding Prue up. She was adorable when she was angry.
“I’m going to head out to see Butch,” Whizz said, finishing his coffee off. “I’ve told Lacey she can move around the club. If she wakes before I get back will you show her around?” He directed his question at Prue.
“Sure thing. Angel and I have plans today to do a little shopping. We’ll take Lacey with us, if you want?” Prue said.
“Sure.” Whizz opened his wallet pulling out several large notes. “Here, make sure she buys whatever she needs.” He gave the money to Prue.
“Will do. Say hi to Butch for me.”
No one else said anything else as he made his way out of the clubhouse. The rest of the club was starting to wake up as he exited the building. The air was chilly as they were getting into fall. It wouldn’t be long for the Halloween celebrations, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. He wondered what would happen this Christmas with everything that was going on within the club.