“Did you stake your claim?” Suze takes a bite of chocolate-chip cookie. “Last time you saw her?”
“Totally! But she didn’t take any notice.”
“Hmm.” Suze ponders for a while. “Have you thought about going to another doctor?”
“I keep thinking about it. But I don’t think it would make any difference. She’s already made contact with Luke, hasn’t she? In fact, she’d probably love to get me out of the picture.”
“And what does Luke say?”
“Oh well.” I start fiddling with my straw. “He says she’s all lonely and vulnerable since she split up from her boyfriend. He behaves like she’s this poor tragic victim. And he always takes her side. I called her Cruella de Venetia the other day and he got really cross.”
“Cruella de Venetia.” Suze splutters cookie crumbs over the counter. “That’s good.”
“It’s not good! We ended up having an argument! She’s this…presence in our life, even though I never see her.”
“Don’t you have appointments with her?” Suze looks surprised.
“I have, but the last two times I’ve been to the clinic she was with a client in labor, and I got seen by one of her assistant doctors.”
“She’s avoiding you.” Suze gives a knowing nod and slurps on her straw, her brow furrowed. “Bex, I know this is a really dreadful thing to suggest…but what about looking at Luke’s texts?”
“I already have,” I admit.
“And?” Suze looks agog.
“They’re in Latin.”
“Latin?”
“They both studied Latin at university,” I say resentfully. “It’s their ‘thing.’ I don’t understand a word of it. But I wrote one down.” I reach in my pocket and unfurl a small bit of paper. “This is it.”
We both look at the words in silence.
Fac me laetam: mecum hodie bibe!
“I don’t like the sound of that,” says Suze at last.
“Nor do I.”
We both regard the words for a few moments longer, then Suze sighs and pushes the paper back toward me. “Bex, I hate to say it…but you should be on your guard. In fact, you should strike back. If she can spend all this time with Luke, then so can you. When was the last time you did something romantic, just the two of you?”
“Dunno. Not for ages.”
“Well, then!” Suze slaps the table triumphantly. “Go to his office and take him out for lunch as a surprise. He’d love that.”
That’s a good idea. I never want to bother Luke at work, because he’s so busy. But if Venetia can do it, then why can’t I?
“OK, I’ll try it,” I say, cheering up. “And I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks, Suze.” I drain my smoothie and put my glass down with a flourish. “So.”
“So.” Suze meets my eyes. “Are you ready?”
“I think so.” I feel a squirm of nerves. “Let’s go!”
I pull the gender predictor box toward me along the counter and tug at the plastic wrapping, my hands trembling a little. In a matter of minutes I’ll know. This is almost as exciting as the birth itself!
I secretly think it’s a boy. Or maybe a girl.
“Hey, Bex, wait,” says Suze suddenly. “How will you fool Luke?”
“What do you mean?”
“When they deliver the baby! How will you convince him you didn’t know the sex beforehand?”
I stop ripping at the plastic. That’s a good point.
“I’ll just act surprised,” I say at last. “I’m really good at acting — look.” I put on my most astonished expression. “It’s a…boy!”
Suze pulls a face. “Bex, that was terrible!”
“I wasn’t ready,” I say hastily. “Let’s try again.” I concentrate for a moment, then gasp. “It’s a girl!”
Suze is shaking her head and wincing. “Totally fake! Bex, you need to get into your character. You need to use some Method.”
Oh no. Here we go. Suze went to drama school for a term before university, so she thinks she’s practically Judi Dench. (It wasn’t a real drama school, like RADA. It was a private one where your father pays and you do cooking in the afternoon. But we don’t mention that.)
“Stand up,” she instructs me. “Do some loosening-up exercises….” She rolls her head around and shakes out her arms. Reluctantly, I copy her. “Now, what’s your motivation?”
“Fooling Luke,” I remind her.
“No! Your interior motivation. Your character.” Suze closes her eyes for a moment, as if communing with the spirits. “You’re a new mother. You’re seeing your baby for the first time. You’re delighted…yet surprised…. The sex is not what you expected…. You’ve never been so amazed in your life…. Really feel it….”
“It’s…a boy!” I clutch at my chest. Suze is whirling her arms at me.
“More, Bex! Again, with passion!”
“It’s a boy! My God, it’s a BOY!!!” My voice resounds around the kitchen, and a spoon falls off the counter onto the floor.
“Hey, that was pretty good!” Suze looks impressed.
“Really?” I’m panting.
“Yes! You’ll definitely fool him. Let’s do the test.”
As I head to the sink for some water, Suze rips the box open and pulls out a syringe.