I subside back onto Fabia’s sofa, trying to take all this in. I can’t believe Luke has been walking around with all of this to worry about for so long. Saying nothing. Trying to protect me.
Not having an affair after all.
I run my eyes over his averted face. He could still be lying, it occurs to me. Even if the stuff about Arcodas is true. He could still be seeing Venetia. He’s just playing along to keep you happy runs through my mind for the thousandth time.
“Luke, please,” I say in a rush. “Please. Tell me the truth once and for all. Are you seeing her?”
“What?” Luke turns to me, astounded. “Becky, I thought we’d dealt with this—”
“She said you were acting.” I twist my fingers miserably. “All this could just be put on. To…to keep me happy.”
Luke turns to face me square-on and takes both my hands in his, tight.
“Becky, we’re not seeing each other. Nothing is going on. I don’t know how I can put it any more plainly.”
“So why did she say you were seeing each other?”
“I don’t know.” Luke sounds at the end of his rope. “I honestly have no idea what she was talking about. Look, Becky, you’re just going to have to trust me. Can you do that?”
There’s silence. The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know if I can trust him anymore.
“I want a cup of tea,” I mumble at last, and get up.
I thought everything would be better when we’d talked, when we’d got it all out in the open. But here it is, out in the open like an exhibit on a podium. And I still don’t know what to believe. Without meeting Luke’s eye, I head into the kitchen and start opening all Fabia’s hand-built cupboards, looking for the tea. God, this is supposed to be my house. I’m supposed to know where the tea is.
“Try that one,” says Luke, as I open a cupboard filled with saucepans and bang it shut again, except it won’t bang because it’s so expensive and well-made. “The corner cupboard?”
“Oh, right.” I open it and locate a box of tea bags. I put them on the counter and lean against it, all energy gone. Meanwhile Luke has headed over to the huge glass doors at the back and is staring out at the garden, his shoulders rigid.
This isn’t how I planned our reunion. Not one bit.
“What are you going to do about Arcodas?” I say at last, twisting the string of a tea bag. “You can’t fire Amy.”
“Of course I’m not going to fire Amy.”
“So, what are your options?”
“Option one: I patch things over,” says Luke without moving his head. “Take the flak, smooth down some feathers, and carry on.”
“Until it happens again,” I say.
“Exactly.” Luke turns with a grim little nod. “Option two: I call a meeting with Arcodas. Tell them straight, I’m not having my staff bullied. Get an apology for Amy. Make them see reason.”
“And option three?” I can tell there’s an option three from his expression.
“Option three: if they won’t cooperate”—he pauses for a long time—“we refuse to work for them. Withdraw from the contract.”
“Would that be possible?”
“It would be possible.” He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and rubs them. “It would be fucking expensive. There’s a penalty if we quit within the first year. Plus we’ve opened Europe-wide offices on the strength of this contract. It was supposed to be our brave new world. Our gateway to bigger and better things.”
I can hear the heavy disappointment in his voice. And suddenly I want to throw my arms around him tight. It was so exciting when Brandon Communications won the Arcodas pitch. They worked so hard to get it. It seemed like such a prize.
“So, what are you going to do?” I ask tentatively.
Luke has picked up an antique nutcracker from a side table. He starts rotating the handle, his face set.
“Or else I could tell my staff they just have to get on with it. A few might leave, but the others would knuckle down. People need jobs. They’ll put up with shit.”
“And have a miserable company.”
“A miserable, profitable company.” His voice has an edge which I don’t like. “We’re in this to make money, remember?”
The baby suddenly kicks me hard inside and I wince. Everything’s so…achy-painy. Me. Luke. The whole horrible situation.
“You don’t want that,” I say.
Luke doesn’t move a muscle. His face is flint-hard. Anyone watching would think he didn’t agree or hadn’t heard or didn’t care. But I know what’s inside his head. He loves his company. He loves it when it’s thriving and successful and happy.
“Luke, the staff at Brandon C…” I take a step toward him. “They’re your family. They’ve been loyal to you all these years. Think how you’d feel if Amy was your daughter. You’d want her employer to take a stand. I mean…you’re your own boss! The whole point is, you don’t have to work with anyone.”
“I’ll talk to them.” Luke’s eyes are still focused downward. “I’ll have it out. Maybe we can make it all work.”
“Maybe.” I nod, trying to sound more hopeful than I feel.
Suddenly Luke puts the nutcracker back on the table and looks up. “Becky, if I end up pulling out of the Arcodas deal…we won’t be squillionaires. You understand that.”
I feel a pang. It was pretty exciting when it was all going so well and we were going to conquer the world and fly around in private jets. And I was planning to buy these amazing £1,000 stiletto boots from Vivienne Westwood.