“Three,” I say after a pause. “About three.”
He gives me a hard look. The trouble with husbands is, they get to know you too well.
“OK then, fifteen,” I say in a rush.
“And how many overdrafts?”
“Fifteen. What?” I add defensively. “What’s the point of having a bank account if you don’t have an overdraft?”
“Fifteen overdrafts?” Luke clutches his head in disbelief. “Becky…you are third world debt.”
“I’m playing the global economy to my advantage!” I retort. “The Bank of Chad gave me a fifty-dollar bonus just for joining!”
Luke’s so blinkered. So what if I have fifteen bank accounts? Everyone knows you shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket.
“You seem to forget, Luke,” I add in lofty tones, “I am a former financial journalist. I know all about money and investment. The bigger the risk, the bigger the profit, I think you’ll find.”
Luke doesn’t look too impressed. “I’m aware of the principles of investment, thank you, Becky,” he says politely.
“Well, then.” I suddenly have a thought. “We should invest the baby’s trust fund in Bangladesh too. We’d probably make a fortune!”
“Are you crazy?” He stares at me.
“Why not? It’s an emerging market!”
“I don’t think so.” Luke rolls his eyes. “In fact, I’ve already spoken to Kenneth about the baby’s fund, and we’ve agreed to invest it in a range of secure unit trusts—”
“Wait a minute!” I raise a hand. “What do you mean, you’ve spoken to Kenneth? What about my opinion?”
I can’t believe they haven’t even consulted me! Like I don’t count. Like I didn’t used to be a financial expert on television and get hundreds of letters a week asking for advice.
“Look, Becky.” Luke sighs. “Kenneth is very happy to recommend suitable investments. You don’t need to worry.”
“That’s not the point!” I say indignantly. “Luke, you don’t understand. We’re going to be parents. We need to make all important decisions together. Otherwise our child will run around hitting us and we’ll end up hiding in the bedroom and never have sex again!”
“What?”
“It’s true! It’s on Supernanny!”
Luke looks totally baffled. He really should watch more TV.
“All right, fine,” he says at last. “We can decide things together. But I’m not putting the baby’s trust fund in some high-risk emerging market.”
“Well, I’m not putting it in some stodgy old bank account where it doesn’t make any profit!” I retaliate.
“Stalemate.” Luke’s mouth twitches. “So…what does Supernanny recommend when parents have fundamentally differing approaches to trust fund investment?”
“I’m not sure she’s covered it,” I admit. Then a sudden brain wave hits me. “I know. We’ll split up the money. You invest half and I’ll invest half. And we’ll see who does best.” I can’t resist adding, “I bet it’s me.”
“Oh, I see.” Luke raises his eyebrows. “So…this is a challenge, is it, Mrs. Brandon?”
“He who dares wins,” I say nonchalantly, and Luke starts to laugh.
“OK. Let’s do this. Half each, to be invested in anything we choose.”
“You’re on,” I say, holding out my hand. We shake gravely, as the phone starts ringing.
“I’ll get it,” Luke says, and heads over to his desk. “Hello? Oh, hi there. How are you?”
I am so going to win this! I’ll pick loads of brilliant investments and make the baby an absolute mint. Maybe I’ll invest in futures. Or gold. Or…art! I just need to find the next Damien Hirst and buy a pickled cow or whatever, and then auction it for a huge profit at Sotheby’s, and everyone will say how farsighted and genius I was….
“Really?” Luke is saying. “No, she never mentioned it. Well, thanks.” He puts down the phone and turns to face me with a quizzical expression. “Becky, that was Giles from the real estate agents. Apparently you had a long talk earlier this week. What exactly did you say to him?”
Shit. I knew there was another tricky subject I had to broach. I should really start a list.
“Oh yes, that.” I clear my throat. “I just told Giles we were willing to be more flexible in our requirements.” I straighten some papers on my desk, not looking up. “Like you said. Expand our search area a bit.”
“A bit?” echoes Luke incredulously. “To the Caribbean? He’s sending us the details of eight bloody beach villas and wants to know if we’d like to arrange flights!”
“You’re the one who said we had to look further afield, Luke!” I say defensively. “It was your idea!”
“I meant Kensington! Not Barbados!”
“Have you seen what we can get in Barbados?” I counter eagerly. “Look at this!” I push my office chair across the floor to his computer, click on a browser, and find my way onto a Caribbean realty page.
Property Web sites are the best thing ever. Especially the ones with virtual tours.
“See this one?” I point at the screen. “Five bedroom villa with infinity pool, sunken garden, and guest cottage!”
“Becky…” Luke pauses, as though thinking how to explain the situation to me. “It’s in Barbados.”