And I knew she was right, when she put it like that. I slumped in my seat, my sudden hope defeated. Beside me, Edward relaxed.
He whispered the reminder in my ear. "Not because you're afraid."
"Oh," Alice said, and a blank look crossed her face. Then her expression became surly. "I hate last- minute cancellations. So that puts the party attendance list down to sixty-five. . . ."
"Sixty-five!" My eyes bulged again. I didn't have that many friends. Did I even know that many people?
"Who canceled?" Edward wondered, ignoring me.
"Renée."
"What?" I gasped.
"She was going to surprise you for your graduation, but something went wrong. You'll have a message when you get home."
For a moment, I just let myself enjoy the relief. Whatever it was that went wrong for my mother, I was eternally grateful to it. If she had come to Forks now . . . I didn't want to think about it. My head would explode.
The message light was flashing when I got home. My feeling of relief flared again as I listened to my mother describe Phil's accident on the ball field - while demonstrating a slide, he'd tangled up with the catcher and broken his thigh bone; he was entirely dependent on her, and there was no way she could leave him. My mom was still apologizing when the message cut off.
"Well, that's one," I sighed.
"One what?" Edward asked.
"One person I don't have to worry about getting killed this week."
He rolled his eyes.
"Why won't you and Alice take this seriously?" I demanded. "This is serious."
He smiled. "Confidence."
"Wonderful," I grumbled. I picked up the phone and dialed Renée's number. I knew it would be a long conversation, but I also knew that I wouldn't have to contribute much.
I just listened, and reassured her every time I could get a word in: I wasn't disappointed, I wasn't mad, I wasn't hurt. She should concentrate on helping Phil get better. I passed on my "get well soon" to Phil, and promised to call her with every single detail from Forks High's generic graduation. Finally, I had to use my desperate need to study for finals to get off the phone.
Edward's patience was endless. He waited politely through the whole conversation, just playing with my hair and smiling whenever I looked up. It was probably superficial to notice such things while I had so many more important things to think about, but his smile still knocked the breath out of me. He was so beautiful that it made it hard sometimes to think about anything else, hard to concentrate on Phil's troubles or Renée's apologies or hostile vampire armies. I was only human.
As soon as I hung up, I stretched onto my tiptoes to kiss him. He put his hands around my waist and lifted me onto the kitchen counter, so I wouldn't have to reach as far. That worked for me. I locked my arms around his neck and melted against his cold chest.
Too soon, as usual, he pulled away.
I felt my face slip into a pout. He laughed at my expression as he extricated himself from my arms and legs. He leaned against the counter next to me and put one arm lightly around my shoulders.
"I know you think that I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but that's not actually the case."
"I wish," I sighed.
And he sighed, too.
"After school tomorrow," he said, changing the subject, "I'm going hunting with Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. Just for a few hours - we'll stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett should be able to keep you safe."
"Ugh," I grumbled. Tomorrow was the first day of finals, and it was only a half-day. I had Calculus and History - the only two challenges in my line-up - so I'd have almost the whole day without him, and nothing to do but worry. "I hate being babysat."
"It's temporary," he promised.
"Jasper will be bored. Emmett will make fun of me."
"They'll be on their best behavior."
"Right," I grumbled.
And then it occurred to me that I did have one option besides babysitters. "You know . . . I haven't been to La Push since the bonfire."
I watched his face carefully for any change in expression. His eyes tightened the tiniest bit.
"I'd be safe enough there," I reminded him.
He thought about it for a few seconds. "You're probably right."
His face was calm, but just a little too smooth. I almost asked if he'd rather I stayed here, but then I thought of the ribbing Emmett would no doubt dish out, and I changed the subject. "Are you thirsty already?" I asked, reaching up to stroke the light shadow beneath his eye. His irises were still a deep gold.
"Not really." He seemed reluctant to answer, and that surprised me. I waited for an explanation.
"We want to be as strong as possible," he explained, still reluctant. "We'll probably hunt again on the way, looking for big game."
"That makes you stronger?"
He searched my face for something, but there was nothing to find but curiosity.
"Yes," he finally said. "Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fractionally. Jasper's been thinking about cheating - adverse as he is to the idea, he's nothing if not practical - but he won't suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say."
"Would that help?" I asked quietly.
"It doesn't matter. We aren't going to change who we are."
I frowned. If something helped even the odds . . . and then I shuddered, realizing I was willing to have a stranger die to protect him. I was horrified at myself, but not entirely able to deny it, either.
He changed the subject again. "That's why they're so strong, of course. The newborns are full of human blood - their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year."