He pulled himself away from the vision of seeing his brother with the woman who was creating a constant ache within his heart as well as incessant stirring in his groin. How many times had he thought of approaching her? Of telling her about his changing devotion? Asking for her body and her love? Until he’d discovered the book that had severed any chance he had. The diary lay open for all to see on his desk, and Paul cursed the damn thing. The secret of their family line lay open and exposed for him to see. Not only did he have to deal with his own disgust at desiring a woman who was too young for him, but also seeing the truth of past wives’ thoughts almost destroyed him.
All of his hopes, wishes and dreams shattered by the revelation of the most important diary of generations. He wondered if his own fathers knew about the private thoughts of past generations of women who’d been shared by the Steer men. Glancing down at the old-looking diary he fingered the pages, wishing he could ignore the thoughts and concerns of these women.
The Diary of Belonging to the Steer Men, a fitting title for the occupation of the women of their line. The first entry went back over one hundred years. It had been written by the youngest of the women, Fanny Steer, at the ripe age of eighteen.
“I’m nothing short of a trophy for their pleasure. No one knows what they demand behind closed doors. The line of love we’d been fed was nothing more than a means to get a woman in their lives. They need heirs, and I was too stupid to see what was before my own eyes. The Steer men were after nothing but the continuation of their male line, and I’m nothing but a mere vessel to acquire the final product...”
For most of his young life Paul had believed the women came to the Steer men willingly. His family line was a closed off secret within their family, but the small town of CapeFalls where they lived was always rife with suspicion and rumours. How strange it was for all the brothers to live in the same house with one woman. For all of CapeFalls’ good points, their complete lack of accepting something different always hindered them. They didn’t accept relationships easily. Paul thought about Laura and Dean Riley. The couple were still scorned by most of the town-folk, even though their love shined through wherever they went. The twenty year age gap meant nothing to the couple. Yet the whole town, including her family, scorned them. He wondered what would happen if he let his feelings for Anna become apparent. Would her friends and the folk shun her?
Most knew something happened with his family, but the Steers made sure no one found out. The Steer men of past generations picked one woman to love, honour and cherish for the rest of their lives. Paul and David had lived like this for all of their lives, growing up under the love and happiness of his three fathers and one mother. He would have known no differently but for this diary. This abomination told of another side. A revelation, the outcome for the woman. A side he’d never given much thought to before. It didn’t paint the men in a colourful light. The diary was old and probably from a bitter union, but Paul couldn’t help but read the book and think of Anna. She was so young, and he couldn’t force such a life on her. Part of his brain couldn’t accept any woman not enjoying the complete devotion of one or several men.
The other part wondered what would happen if one day Anna had a diary of her own and was writing words of hatred? He wouldn’t be able to bear her accusing words.
Closing the horrid diary, Paul went in search of sustenance in the kitchen. He stopped as he saw Anna, the woman he and his brother wanted but could never have, bent over a work surface, her gorgeous plump ass covered by the skimpiest bikini he’d ever seen. She turned as soon as he entered, running up to him and circling her arms around his neck. Her greeting was enthusiastic and loving. For so long she’d been running up and hugging him. For the past two years he’d fought the growing stiffness in his groin. Her hot little body pressed against him almost had him on his knees begging for her attention.
Usually he’d embrace her. Lay a kiss on the forehead and that would be all. There would be no thoughts of acting on his erection. Now he knew he must back off. He must make her hate him. That diary had destroyed any thought of him being with her. David would fight and tell him to grow up. The writings of a bitter old woman weren’t worth it. How did he know it wasn’t a woman similar to Anna? David may be able to handle the thought of her growing up and hating them. Paul refused even to give it a try.
He should find someone from town to love her and marry her. Seeing her with a man of his choosing would be easier than accepting she loved someone else. Instead he settled for the easiest option. He settled for her hating him. Paul didn’t know why; he just knew it would save him, David, and Anna so much heartache in the long run. He wasn’t acting selfishly. This was for their own good.
“What’s wrong?” she asked when he didn’t respond. His heart broke. Hurting her was the only way.
“Don’t you think you’re a little old to be hugging older men?” His hands were on her arms, pushing her away. Paul walked to the fridge and pulled out a cool bottle of water, his c**k threatening to split his trousers in two. Just having her close put him in an aroused state. Long shirts were indeed a blessing when covering embarrassing reactions. Paul saw the hurt written on her face and put his back to her, not allowing her pain to affect him. If he saw her, he wouldn’t be able to push her away. Anna and her tears threatened to destroy him. Never before had he been so affected by a woman’s pain as he was when it came to Anna.
“You’re not old, Paul. If you don’t want me to hug you anymore, just say so,” she said, her voice wobbling from his sting of rejection.
“No? But I’m a man with needs. If you’re not prepared to see them through, stop f**king teasing me.” He stormed out of the kitchen. Her eyes were bright with tears. Slamming his office door gave him little comfort. This was the only way. Closing his eyes, Paul walked back to the window and watched as Anna walked back out to the pool. David was waiting with a smile and open arms. Paul watched as she rejected his comfort and stayed as far away from his brother as possible. She gathered her towel and walked back inside. David glanced down to where her towel had lain. In his heart he knew David would fight his decision. He picked up the diary and placed it in his safe. Whenever it got too hard for him and his feelings for her, he would come and read the diary. No way would he let Anna suffer the same fate that Fanny had. He loved Anna too much. And so it began. At every opportunity he stung Anna, trying to get her away from them. To save her from the bitterness and heartache of belonging to the Steer brothers. They would bring her nothing but pain. The diary said so.