"And now you feel yourself floating down deeper... into a deeper state of relaxation... and you're surrounded by a deep blue light. The blue light is all around you, shining through you, and it's making you
more comfortable, more relaxed..."
The soft soothing voice went on, and at its direction Hannah imagined waves of colored light bathing her body. Deep blue, emerald green, golden yellow, glowing orange. Hannah saw it all. It was amazing and effortless; her mind just showed her the pictures. And as the colors came and went she felt herself becoming more and more relaxed, warm and almost weightless. She couldn't feel the couch underneath her any longer. She was floating on light.
"And now you're seeing a ruby red light, very deep, very relaxing. You're so relaxed; you're calm and comfortable, and everything feels safe. Nothing will upset you; you can answer all my questions without ever feeling distressed. Do you understand me?"
"Yes," Hannah said. She was aware of saying it, but it wasn't exactly as if she had said it. She wasn't aware of planning to say it. Something within her seemed to be answering Paul using her voice.
But it wasn't frightening. She still felt relaxed, floating in the ruby light.
"All right. I'm now speaking to Hannah's subconscious. You will be able to remember things that Hannah's waking mind isn't aware of-even things that have been repressed. Do you understand?"
"Yes." Again, the voice seemed to come before Hannah decided to speak.
"Good. Now, I've got this last note here, the one you found wrapped around your toothbrush this morning. Do you remember this note?"
"Yes." Of course.
"Okay, that's good. And now I want you to go back in your mind, back to the time that this note was written."
This time Hannah was aware of a need to speak. "But how can I do that? I don't know when it was written. I didn't write-"
"Just-just-just let go, Hannah," Paul said, overriding her. His voice soothing again, he added, "Feel relaxed, feel yourself becoming very relaxed, and let your conscious mind go. Just tell yourself to go back to the time this note was written. Don't worry about how. See the ruby light and think 1 will go back.' Are you doing that?"
"Yes," Hannah said. Go back, she told herself gamely. Just relax and go back, okay?
"And now, a picture is beginning to form in your mind. You are seeing something. What are you seeing?"
Hannah felt something inside her give way. She seemed to be falling into the ruby right. Her ordinary mind was suspended; it seemed to have been shuttled off to the side somewhere. In this odd dreamlike state, nothing could surprise her.
Paul's voice was gently insistent. "What are you seeing?"
Hannah saw it.
A tiny picture that seemed to open up, unfold as she stared at it.
"I see myself," she whispered.
"Where are you?"
"I don't know. Wait, maybe I'm in my room." She could see herself, wearing something long and white-a nightgown. No, she was that self, she was in her bedroom, wearing her nightgown. She was in Paul's office, lying on the couch, but she was in her bedroom at the same time. How strange, she thought dimly.
"All right, now the picture will get clearer. You'll begin to see things around you. Just relax and you'll begin to see them. Now, what are you doing?"
Without feeling anything-except a kind of distant amusement and resignation-Hannah said, "Writing a note."
Paul muttered something that sounded like, "Aha." But it might have been, "XJh-huh." Then he said softly, "And why are you writing it?"
"I don't know-to warn myself. I have to warn myself."
"About what?"
Hannah felt herself shake her own head helplessly.
"Okay... what are you feeling as you write it?"
"Oh ..." That was easy. Paul was undoubtedly expecting her to say something like "fear" or "anxiety." But that wasn't the strongest thing she was feeling. Not the strongest at all.
"Longing," Hannah whispered. She moved her head restlessly on the couch. "Just-longing."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I want-so much ... I want..." .
"What do you want?"
"Him." It came out as a sob. Hannah's ordinary mind watched somewhere in amazement, but Hannah's body was entirely taken over by the feeling, racked with it. "I know it's impossible. It's danger and death to me. But I don't care. I can't help it..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, you're feeling very relaxed. You're very calm and you can answer my questions. Who is this person that you're longing for?"
"The one who comes," Hannah said softly and hopelessly. "He's wicked and evil ... I know that. She explained it all to me. And I know he'll kill me. The way he always has. But I want him.''
She was trembling. She could feel her own body radiating heat-and she could hear Paul swallow.
Somehow in this expanded state of consciousness she seemed to be able to see him, as if she could be everywhere at once. She knew he was sitting there on the edge of the desk, looking at her dazedly, bewildered by the transformation in the young woman on his couch.
She knew he could see her, her face pale and glowing from inner heat, her breath coming quickly, her body gripped by a fine muscular tremor. And she knew he was stirred-and frightened.
"Oh, boy." Paul's breath came out and he shifted on the desk. He bowed his head, then lifted it, looking for a pencil. "Okay, I have to admit, I'm lost. Let's just go back to the beginning here. You feel that somebody is after you, and that he's tried to kill you before? Some old boyfriend who's stalking you, maybe?"