Prologue
Whoever told me life was easy — lied. It’s hard. It sucks. The crazy thing is — nobody has the guts to admit the truth. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a secret. Everyone has a story that needs to be told. Hurt is everywhere, as humans we practically drown in its essence, yet we all pretend like it doesn’t exist. We make believe that everything is fine, when really, everything within us screams in outrage. Our soul pleads for us to be honest at least once in our lives. It begs of us to tell one person. It forces us to become vulnerable to that one person and the very second that we do, everything seems better.
For a moment, life isn’t as hard as it seems. Effortless. It’s effortless, and then the gauntlet falls.
When I met Nixon I had no idea what life had in store for me. In my wildest dreams, I could have never imagined this.
“Everything…” He swallowed and looked away for a brief second before grabbing my hand and kissing it. “Everything is about to change.”
Chapter One
“I can feel you breathing down my neck, Trace.” Grandpa gripped the steering wheel and gave me a weak smile before he reached back and patted my hand.
Yup, patted my hand.
As if that’s going to make me feel any less nervous.
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to concentrate on the excitement of my situation, not the fear. I refused to be scared just because it was new.
I mean, sure I’d never ridden in an airplane before last night, but it wasn’t as if I was freaking out… yet.
I missed my dogs and everything about our ranch in Wyoming. When my ailing grandma suggested I enter the contest, I obeyed to make her happy — anything to distract me from her illness. Besides, it’s everyone’s dream to go to Eagle Elite, but your chances of getting in are slim to none. One company did a study and said your chances were higher than that of your body morphing into that of a whale.
Guess that made me a big, giant, fat whale, because I got in. I’m pretty sure the company did it as a joke, but still.
Out of millions of applicants, they drew my number, my name. So fear, it really wasn’t an option at this point. Going to Eagle for my freshman year of college meant that I was basically set for life. I would be placed in a career, provided for in every way possible. Given opportunities people dreamt of.
Sadly, in this world, it’s all about who you know, and my grandpa, bless his heart, all he knows is the ranch and being a good grandpa. So I’m doing this. I’m doing it for me and I’m doing it for him.
“Is that it?” Grandpa pointed, snapping me out of my pep talk. I rolled down my window and peered out.
“It… uh, it says E.E. on the gate,” I mumbled, knowing full well that I was staring at a steel gate that would have made any prison proud. A man stepped out of the small booth near the entrance and waved us down. As he leaned over the car I noticed a gun hidden under his jacket. Why did they need guns?
“Name,” he demanded.
Grandpa smiled. He would smile. I shook my head as he proceeded to give him the speech, the same one he’d been giving all our neighbors for the past few months. “You see my granddaughter, Trace.” He pointed at me. I bit my lip to keep myself from smiling. “She got into this fancy school, won the annual Elite lottery! Can you believe it? So I’m here to drop her off.” How did grandpa always stay so completely at ease all the time? Maybe it was because he was always packing a gun too, but still. He and grandma were the coolest grandparents a girl could ask for.
I swallowed the tears burning at the back of my throat. It should have been him and Grandma, but she died of cancer about six months ago, a week after I found out about the school.
They were my world, Grandpa and Grandma. Being raised by your grandparents isn’t all that bad, not when you have or had grandparents like mine. Grandpa taught me how to ride horses and milk cows, and Grandma could bake the best apple pie in the state. She won at every state fair using the exact same recipe.
My parents had died in a car crash when I was really young. I don’t remember much except that the night they died was also the night I met my grandparents for the first time. I was six. Grandpa was dressed in a suit. He knelt down and said something in Italian, and he and Grandma took me away in their black Mercedes. They moved their whole lives for me, saying it wasn’t good for a little girl to live in the city. Chicago hadn’t been that bad, at least from what I remember. Which wasn’t much.
I gave grandpa a watery smile as he reached across the console and grasped my hand within his large worn one. He’d sacrificed everything for me, so I was going to do this for him, for grandma. It may sound silly but being an only child I felt this immense need to take care of him now that grandma was gone, and the only way I could see myself doing that was getting a good job and making him proud. I wasn’t sure about his retirement, or about anything, and I wanted to be. I wanted to take care of him, like he took care of me. He was my rock, and now it was my turn to be his.
Grandpa winked and squeezed my hand again. He was always so perceptive. I could tell he knew I was thinking about grandma because he nodded his head and pointed at his own heart, and then pointed at mine as if to say, She’s in your heart. She’s in mine. We’ll be okay.
“You aren’t from around here are you?” The man interrupted our exchange and directed the question at me.
“No, sir.”
He laughed. “Sir? Hmm… I have to say I like the sound of that. Alright, you check out. Drive straight down the road for 1.5 miles. Parking is on the right and the dorms will be directly in front of the parking lot. You can drop her off there.”
He slapped the top of the car and the gate suddenly opened in front of us.
My heart was in my throat. Large trees lined the driveway as grandpa drove the rental toward the dorms.
Nothing in my life had prepared me for what I was seeing. The buildings were huge. Everything was built in old stone and brick. I mean, I’d seen pictures, but they did not even come close to reality. The dorms looked like ritzy hotels.
Another security guard approached the car and motioned for grandpa to turn it off. My mouth gaped open as I stepped out of the car and leaned my head way back so I could look up at the twelve-story building.
“New girl’s here,” came a voice from behind me. I flipped around and my mouth dropped open again.
“So squeaky clean and innocent. Like a little lamb, right, Chase?” The guy tilted his head. Dark wavy hair fell across his forehead; he had a lip piercing and was dressed in ripped jeans and a tight t-shirt.
I backed away, like the little lamb/whale that I was.
My grandpa stepped forward protectively as he reached inside his jacket, probably for the gun that was usually present. I’m sure he was just trying to freak the guys out. “A welcoming committee? This place sure is nice.” Anyone could see the guys standing in front of us were not here to welcome us and certainly weren’t part of any committee, but Grandpa was making a point, marking me as his to protect. I stepped behind him and swallowed at the dryness in my throat.
“Is there a problem?” Grandpa asked, rolling back his sleeves. Whoa. Was my seventy-two year old grandpa going to get in a rumble or something?
The guy with the lip ring stepped forward and then squinted his eyes in Grandpa’s direction. “Do I know you?”
Grandpa laughed. “Know many farmers out in Wyoming?”
The guy scratched his head giving me a lovely view of his golden tanned abs as his hands reached above his head. I swallowed and grabbed my grandpa’s arm.
The guy named Chase smirked and hit the other guy on the back. He glared in my direction and then stepped right by me reaching out to lift my chin, closing my once-gaping mouth.
“Much better,” he whispered. “We’d hate for our charity case to choke on an insect on her first day.” His eyes flickered to Grandpa’s and then back to mine before walking away.
They disappeared behind the dorm. I could feel my face heat with embarrassment. I didn’t have much experience with guys. Okay, it was safe to say my first and only kiss was with Chad Thomson and it was awful. But still, something about those guys warned me that they weren’t good news.
“I don’t like those boys. They remind me of… well, that doesn’t matter.” Grandpa scratched his head then went to the trunk of the car to pull out my few things. I was still trying to get over the fact that I had embarrassed myself when someone walked up to us with a clipboard.
“No parents allowed in the dorms. Sorry. Rules.” She popped her gum and winked at my grandpa. Was she flirting with him? What the hell kind of school was this? The guys have piercings and treat people like dirt, and girls flirt with old men?
My grandpa shot me a concerned look and sighed, placing his hands against the rental car as if trying to brace himself for the emotional turmoil of the day. “You sure you’ll be okay here?”
I sighed heavily and looked up at the intimidating building. This was why I had applied. I needed to do this for him, for us.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped away from him and gave them my most confident smile. “I’ll be fine, Grandpa, but I’ll miss you so much.” Warm tears streamed rapidly down my face as I stepped into his embrace.
“I have some things for you. I know…” Grandpa coughed and wiped at a few of his own stray tears. “I know she would have liked you to have them, Trace.”
Wordlessly, he walked away from me and pulled out a small box from the back of the car and handed it to me. “Don’t open it until you’re in your dorm. Oh sweetheart, I’m going to miss you so much.”
I hugged him again and closed my eyes, memorizing the way his spicy scent filled my nostrils with all the comforts of home. “I’ll miss you more.”
“Not possible,” he said with a hoarse voice. “Not possible, sweetheart.”
He released me and folded some cash into my hand. I looked down into my clenched fist where a few hundred dollar bills were rolled with a rubber band. “I can’t take this.” I tried to give it back, but he put his hands up and chuckled.
“Nope, your grandma would roll over in her grave if she knew I was dropping you off at some fancy school without an emergency fund. You keep it. You hide it in your pillow or something, okay?”
“Grandpa, we don’t live in the Depression anymore. I don’t need to go hiding money under my mattress or in my pillowcase.”
He narrowed his eyes and laughed. “Just keep it safe.”
I hugged grandpa one last time. He sighed heavily into my shoulder. “Be safe grandpa. Don’t let the cows out and keep milking the goats. I really will miss you.”
“And I you… just, do me a favor.” He pulled away and looked into my eyes as I nodded. “Be careful. There are people out there who…” He cursed. Grandpa rarely cursed.
“What is it?” Okay, he was starting to scare me.
He looked behind me and pressed his lips together in frustration. “Nothing. Never mind. Just be careful, okay, sweetheart?”