Lo hugs her to his side. “That’s a good idea, love.”
Rose solidifies, my arm around her stiff waist while she leans against the sink. “Connor and I are taking care of it,” she says tightly. “The four of you don’t have to worry about anything.” She doesn’t want to saddle her sisters with a heavy burden anymore than I want to saddle Ryke and Lo.
Ryke breathes through his nose and shakes his head a couple times. But he stays silent.
“What’s taking care of it exactly?” Lo asks, his voice edged.
I tilt my head. “I didn’t call my publicist so she could entertain me for an hour with useless advice.”
Daisy rests her chin on Ryke’s shoulder. “I thought the whole point of being on social media was to be ourselves?”
“And clarify when the tabloids spread lies about us,” Lo adds.
“And support each other,” Lily chimes in, the biggest advocate for Ryke and Daisy’s relationship online.
Daisy smiles. “And to always have fun.”
Rose crosses her arms. “Then we’ll have fun implementing Naomi’s to-do list.”
Lo glares. “Then I better see you smiling when you tweet things like ‘my little angel sleeps so peacefully when I sing her a lullaby. Hashtag, I’m a lying liar.’”
Rose is too exhausted to retort anything of equal intensity. She supports most of her body weight against me and just shoots him a look like stop talking.
“I know it’s hard for all of you to accept,” I tell them, “but if we don’t make at least a small effort, this won’t blow over. We can’t simply be who we are online if people keep twisting our relationship into something…” cold, loveless and empty. The words hit me but I don’t want to say them aloud.
“Why isn’t this harder for you?” Lo asks me, his face contorting with more emotion. He gestures to both of us. “You’re just standing there like it’s a goddamn pothole that you can drive over.” This is a crater with no alternate routes. I’m aware. “They’re degrading your marriage…and everything you two are.” Maybe he thinks we should be immobilized on the floor.
I recall Rose crying earlier in the closet, screaming into her coat so no one could hear. I could feel her pain grow, and I could feel mine burst. I let it out then, but it’s not gone. It’s sunken low so I can keep standing, so I don’t become crippled and small.
“I don’t know how to wallow,” I tell him honestly. “Maybe that action isn’t in me, but I assure you, grief is.” I’m never going to be entirely expressive with my emotions, but the fact that I feel anything at all is what matters.
His brows furrow, as though trying to detect it, and then he notices Rose rubbing her hands together, her skin dry and peeling. I clasp her palm in mine, and she stops.
Lo nods a couple times to himself. “We know that you two love each other, so now we just have to make the whole world realize that your love is equal to the rest of ours.”
It’s not possible. “You can’t make people see love. It’s intangible. They can see affection, the actions between two people who are in love, but ours is less physical and more mental.” Naomi’s plan is the best, regardless of how much it shames the way that we love each other.
“I saw your love,” Lily tells us.
Rose frowns. “What?”
Lily’s eyes smile before her lips do. “The first time I ever saw you together at my apartment with Lo. It looked like you two were fighting, but I always believed it was flirting.”
I can feel my grin. Flirting—I told Rose so during St. Patrick’s Day.
“And I also sensed a lot of…sexual tension.” She reddens. “I can’t be the only one who thought so. Right?” She turns to Lo. He was there that day, a long time ago.
“I thought they were weird,” he admits. “But in hindsight, I guess, yeah, it was flirting.” No one is convinced by him, least of all Rose.
She lets out a jailed breath. “We’re going to do what Naomi says.”
The room tenses, and Ryke finally speaks. “I fucking hate this.”
“Not as much as people hate my tweets,” Rose grumbles.
Ryke gives her a look. “They’re fucking funny, Rose.”
“Apparently they’re insensitive.”
“I’ve tweeted more insensitive shit and no one gets onto me,” he rebuts.
Lo’s brows rise. “He did once tweet that anyone who’s praying for rain again needs to shut the fuck up.”
Daisy smiles, the whole room brightening an extra degree. “And anyone who’s performing a rain dance needs to sit the fuck down.”
Lo laughs, but it fades among the proliferating stress.
Rose fills the silence. “It’s a small sacrifice.”
“I don’t like when we have to sacrifice who we are…” Ryke trails off, his hard gaze drifting to the two babies closest to him. Jane even smiles up at Ryke and babbles a string of noises that desire to be words.
Rose says, “I’ve never shied away from who I am, even when people asked me to be softer, quieter or warmer. I’ve proudly remained me. But I’m willing to appear as the person they want for Jane.” She turns to me, and I read the look in her eye that says just as you’d be willing to make that sacrifice.
If I lie to the world and pick a label, she doesn’t want me to lift this burden alone.
Her loyalty is admirable, but her speech hits me in a new way, with a new realization.
I’d rather Rose teach Jane to never step down and cower, to never appear as something else as I’ve always done.
To be real.
To be herself, to love every part of her own soul, no matter if it’s what someone else desires or not.
That’s the woman I love.
I don’t want her to be anything less.
I open my mouth to combat her, but she says, “Just let me try. If Jane is heckled by her peers, I want to at least know that I did something to change the outcome.”
“You teach Jane to never be afraid to speak her mind by never being afraid to speak yours,” I whisper to Rose. “You give her the tools to defeat their words through confidence and self-respect.”
“And you?” she asks me. “It’s not fair that you have to carry this…” She rolls her eyes as they fill with tears. I wipe beneath them.
“I haven’t made a choice yet.” I can’t tell her that I’m leaning towards the option that’ll help Jane. The fake me. I’ll sound like a hypocrite, and maybe I am in this instance. I would much rather protect Rose’s spirit, even if it means barring her from protecting mine.
“I’ll support you no matter what,” Lily suddenly says to us.
Rose sniffs and then Daisy passes her a piece of toilet paper, and Rose dabs beneath her eyes.
“Me too,” Daisy says. “Whatever you say, I’ll stand behind.” She gives me a smile, referring subtly to my choice and the press conference in May.
“I have to ignore you,” Lo says. “Don’t I?”
“It’s up to you,” I tell him.
“For how long?” he wonders.
“I don’t know.” It’s the truth.
He shakes his head automatically. “No. I’m not doing it. I’m not going to give my dad what he wanted. Then he’ll just keep doing this shit over and over again, and goddammit, if anyone needs to learn a lesson, it’s him.”