He uses his other hand to rifle through the first-aid kit. He pulls out a spool of thread and hands it to me. Do your best.
Its not like Im sewing on a damn button, Miles.
Im not spending the whole day in an emergency room for a cut. Just do what you can. Ill be fine.
I dont want him to spend the day in an emergency room, either. That means he wouldnt be here. If your hand gets infected and you die, Im denying any part in this.
If my hand gets infected and I die, Id be too dead to blame you.
Good point, I say. I clean his wound again, then take the supplies Ill need and lay them out on the counter. I cant get a good angle with how were positioned, so I stand up and prop my leg on the edge of the tub. I put his hand on my leg.
I put his hand on my leg.
Oh, hell.
This isnt gonna work with his arm draped across my leg like this. If I want my hands to remain calm and not shake, Im going to need to reposition us.
This wont work, I say, turning to face him. I take his hand and rest it on the counter, then stand directly in front of him. The other way worked better, but I cant have him touching my leg while I do this.
Its gonna hurt, I warn.
He laughs as though he knows pain and to him, this isnt pain.
I pierce his skin with the needle, and he doesnt even flinch.
He doesnt make a sound.
He watches me work quietly. Every now and then, he looks up from my hand and watches my face. We dont speak, like always.
I try to ignore him. I try to focus on his hand and his wound and how it desperately needs to be closed, but our faces are so close, and I can feel his breath on my cheek every time he exhales. And he begins to exhale a lot.
Youll have a scar, I say in a quiet whisper.
I wonder where the rest of my voice went.
I push the needle in for the fourth time. I know it hurts, but he doesnt let it show. Every time it pierces his skin, I have to stop myself from wincing for him.
I should be focusing on his injury, but the only thing I can sense is the fact that our knees are touching. The hand of his that Im not stitching is resting on top of his knee. One of the tips of his fingers is touching my knee.
I have no idea how so much can be going on right now, but all I can focus on is the tip of that finger. It feels as hot against my jeans as a branding iron. Here he is with a serious gash, blood soaking into the towel beneath his hand, my needle piercing his skin, and all I can focus on is that tiny little contact between my knee and his finger.
It makes me wonder what that touch would feel like if there wasnt a layer of material between us.
Our eyes lock for two seconds, and then I quickly look back down at his hand. Hes not looking at his hand at all now. He stares at me, and I do my best to ignore the way hes breathing. I cant tell if his breathing has sped up because of how close Im standing to him or because Im hurting him.
Two of the tips of his fingers are touching my knee.
Three.
I inhale again and try to focus on finishing his stitches.
I cant.
This is deliberate. This touch isnt an accidental graze. Hes touching me because he wants to be touching me. His fingers trail around my knee, and his hand slips to the back of my leg. He lays his forehead against my shoulder with a sigh, and he squeezes my leg with his hand.
I have no idea how Im still standing.
Tate, he whispers. He says my name painfully, so I pause what Im doing and wait for him to tell me it hurts. I wait for him to ask me to give him a minute. Thats why hes touching me, isnt it? Because Im hurting him?
He doesnt speak again, so I finish the last stitch and knot the thread.
Its over, I say, replacing the items on the counter. He doesnt release me, so I dont back away from him.
His hand slowly begins to slide up the back of my leg, all the way up my thigh, around to my hip and up to my waist.
Breathe, Tate.
His fingers grip my waist, and he pulls me closer, still with his head pressed against me. My hands find his shoulders, because I have to grab onto something in order to steady myself. Every muscle in my body somehow just forgot how to do its job.
Im still standing, and hes still sitting, but Im positioned between his legs now that hes pulled me so close. He slowly begins to lift his face from my shoulder, and I have to close my eyes, because hes making me so nervous I cant look at him.
I feel him tilt his face up to look at me, but my eyes are still closed. I squeeze them a little tighter. I dont know why. I dont know anything right now. I just know Miles.
And right now, I think Miles wants to kiss me.
And right now, Im pretty damn sure I want to kiss Miles.
His hand slowly trails all the way up my back until hes touching the back of my neck. I feel like his hand has left marks on every single part of me hes touched. His fingers are at the base of my neck, and his mouth is no more than half an inch from my jaw. So close I cant distinguish if its his lips or his breaths that are feathering my skin.
I feel like Im about to die, and there isnt a damn thing in that first-aid kit that could save me.
He tightens his grip on my neck … and then he kills me.
Or he kisses me. I cant tell which, since Im pretty sure they would feel the same. His lips against mine feel like everything. Like living and dying and being reborn, all at the same time.
Good Lord. Hes kissing me.
His tongue is already in my mouth, gently caressing mine, and I dont even remember how that happened. Im okay with it, though. Im okay with this.
He begins to stand, but his mouth remains on mine. He walks me a few feet until the wall behind me replaces the hand that was on the back of my head. Now hes touching my waist.