this time, we arent really playing. Its kind of serious.
So what happens if he really does propose to her this time?
she asks.
I tell her not to worry. I tell her hes not proposing. He would
ask me first before he did it. I know that much about him.
We have to tell them, I say to her.
She nods. She knows we have to tell them. Its been three
months. We graduate in two. Shes starting to show.
Shes getting an outie. Its cute.
We should tell them tomorrow, I say.
She says okay.
I move away from her stomach and lie beside her. I pull her
against me. I touch her face.
I love you, Rachel, I tell her.
Shes not as scared now. She tells me she loves me, too.
Youre doing a good job, I say. She doesnt know what Im
talking about, so I grin and touch her stomach. Youre doing a
good job growing him. Im pretty sure youre gonna grow the
best baby any woman has ever grown.
She laughs at my silliness.
You love me so much, Rachel.
I look at herat the girl I gave my heart toand I wonder
how I got so lucky.
I wonder why she loves me just as much as I love her.
I wonder what my dad is going to say when he finds out about
us.
I wonder if Lisa will hate me. I wonder if shell want to take
Rachel back to Phoenix.
I wonder how I can convince them that weve got this.
What are we going to name him? I ask her.
Shes excited when I ask her this. She likes talking about names.
She says if its a girl, she wants to name her Claire. After her
grandmother.
I tell her I wish I knew her grandmother. I want to know the
woman my daughter will be named after. She tells me her
grandmother would have loved me. I tell her I love the name
Claire.
What if hes a boy? I ask.
You can pick the boy name, she says.
I tell her thats a lot of pressure. I tell her hell have to live with
his name the rest of his life. She says, Then youd better pick
a good one.
Id better pick a good one.
One that means something to you, she says.
One that means something to me.
I tell her I have the perfect name for him.
She wants to know what it is. I tell her Im not telling her. Ill
tell her his name after it becomes his name.
After hes born.
She tells me Im insane. She says she refuses to give birth to
our baby until she knows his name.
I laugh. I tell her she has no choice.
She tells me Im crazy.
You love that about me, Rachel.
Chapter twenty-one
TATE
I worked all weekend, so I havent seen or spoken to Miles since Thursday night. I keep telling myself its for the best, but it sure as hell doesnt feel like it with the way Ive been letting it eat at me. Tonight is Monday, and its the first of three days when Corbin wont be home and Miles will be. I know he knows Corbin is gone, but based on the way he left things Thursday, I doubt he cares much. I half expected that he would eventually explain if I did something wrong or at least tell me what upset him so much, but the last I got from him was the slam of his bedroom door after he walked away.
I can see why he hasnt been in a relationship for six years. Hes obviously clueless when it comes to how a guy should treat a girl, which surprises me, because I get these vibes from him that hes really a decent guy. However, his actions during and after sex seem to contradict his character. Its as if pieces of the guy he used to be bleed over into the guy hes trying to be.
If any other man ever treated me like he did, it would be the one and only time. I dont put up with the things Ive seen a lot of my friends put up with. However, I find myself continuing to make excuses for him, like something could actually justify his actions last week.
Im beginning to fear that maybe Im not so tough after all.
That fear is immediately confirmed with the skip of my heart as soon as I step off the elevator. Theres a note taped to my apartment door, so I rush to it and pull it down. Its just a folded piece of paper without anything written on the outside of it. I open it: I need to run an errand. Ill stop by at seven if you want to come with me. I read the note several times. Its obviously from him, and its obviously for me, but the note reads so incredibly casual that for a second, I begin to doubt that Thursday even happened.
He was there, though. He knows how that night ended between us. He knows I must be upset or angry, but nothing in his note reveals that at all.
I unlock my door and walk inside before I can work myself up to the point of beating on his door to scream at him.
I drop my things once Im inside my apartment and read the note one more time, dissecting everything from his handwriting down to his selection of words. I wad it up in my hands and throw it toward the kitchen, completely pissed off.
Im pissed because I already know Ill be going with him.
I dont know how not to.
Theres a soft knock on the door at exactly seven oclock. His punctuality pisses me off, and theres no reason for it. I have nothing against punctuality. I have a feeling every single thing Miles does tonight is going to piss me off.
I walk to the front door and open it.
Hes standing in the hallway, several feet away. Hes probably closer to his door than to mine, actually. Hes looking down at his feet when I open the door, but he eventually lifts his eyes to meet mine. His hands are tucked away in his jacket pockets again, and he doesnt lift his head all the way up. I take this as a sign of submission from him, even though its more than likely not.
Want to come?
His voice invades me. Weakens me. Turns me into liquid again. I nod as I step out into the hall and close the door behind me. I lock it and turn around to face him. He nods his head toward the elevators, silently telling me hell follow behind me. I try to read the expression in his eyes, but I should know better.