I can handle this as long as it stays simple, I tell him. When you pull the shit you pulled a few weeks ago by walking away and slamming your door? Thats not keeping it simple, Miles. Things like that make it complicated.
He nods, contemplating what Ive said. Simple, he says, rolling the word around in his mouth. If you can do simple, I can do simple.
Good, I say. And when it becomes too hard for either of us, well end it for good.
Im not worried about it becoming too hard for me, he says. Im worried about it becoming too hard for you.
Im worried about me, too, Miles. But I want the here and now with you a whole lot more than I care about how it will affect me in the end.
With that thought, I suddenly figure out what my one rule is. Hes had his boundaries this entire time, protecting himself from the vulnerability that Ive been subjected to.
I think I finally have my one rule, I say. He looks at me and raises a brow, waiting for me to talk. Dont give me false hope for a future, I say. Especially if you know in your heart well never have one.
His posture immediately stiffens. Have I done that? he asks, genuinely concerned. Have I given you false hope before?
Yes. About thirty minutes ago, when you looked me in the eyes the entire time you were inside me.
No, I say quickly. Just make sure you dont do or say things that would make me believe otherwise. As long as we both see this for what it is, I think well be fine.
He stares at me silently for a while, studying me. Evaluating my words. I cant tell if youre really mature for your age or really delusional.
I shrug, guarding my delusions deep inside my chest. An unhealthy mixture of both, Im sure.
He presses his lips against the side of my head. This feels really f**ked up to say out loud, but I promise I wont give you hope for us, Tate.
My heart frowns at his words, but my face forces a smile. Good, I say. You have serious issues that kind of freak me out, and Id much rather fall in love with an emotionally stable man someday.
He laughs. Probably because he knows the odds of finding someone who can put up with this kind of relationship, if you can even call it that, are extremely low. Yet somehow, the one girl who might be fine with it just happened to move in across the hall from him. And he actually likes her.
You like me, Miles Archer.
Corbin found out, I say as I take what has become my usual seat next to Cap.
Uh-oh, he says. Is the boy still alive?
I nod. For now. Not sure how long thatll last, though.
The doors to the lobby open, and I watch Dillon make his way inside. He pulls a hat off his head and shakes rain out of it as he walks toward the elevator.
Sometimes I wish the flights I send up would crash, Cap says, eyeing Dillon.
I guess Cap doesnt like Dillon, either. Im beginning to feel a little bad for Dillon.
He spots us just before he reaches the elevators. Cap is moving to press the up button, but Dillon reaches it before him. Im pretty capable of fetching my own elevator, old man, he says.
I vaguely remember having a brief thought ten seconds ago about Dillon and how I felt sorry for him. I take that thought back now.
Dillon looks at me and winks. What you doing, Tate?
Washing elephants, I say with a straight face.
Dillon shoots me a confused look, not at all understanding my random response.
If you dont want a sarcastic answer, Cap says to him, dont ask a stupid question.
The elevator doors open, and Dillon rolls his eyes at both of us before walking onto the elevator.
Cap cuts his eyes to mine, and he grins. He holds a palm up in the air, and I high-five him.
Chapter twenty-four
MILES
Six years earlier
Why is everything yellow?
My dad is standing in the doorway to Rachels bedroom,
looking at the few items weve collected in the months since
hes known about the pregnancy. It looks like Big Bird threw
up in here.
Rachel laughs. Shes standing at the bathroom mirror, putting
the finishing touches on her makeup. Ive been lying on her
bed, watching her.
We dont want to know if its a boy or a girl, so were buying
gender-neutral colors.
Rachel answers my dads question as if it were one of many,
but we both know its the first. He hasnt asked about the
pregnancy. He doesnt ask about our plans. He usually leaves
the room if Rachel and I are both in it.
Lisa isnt much different. Shes not past the point of
disappointment or sadness yet, so we dont push it. Itll take
time, so Rachel and I are giving that to them.
Right now, Rachel only has me to talk to about the baby, and
I only have her, and even though that seems like too little, its
more than enough for both of us.
How long will the ceremony last? my dad asks me.
No more than two hours, I tell him.
He says we should go.
I tell him that as soon as Rachel is ready, we can go.
Rachel says shes ready.
We go.
Congratulations, I tell Rachel.
Congratulations, she tells me.
We both graduated three hours ago. Now were lying on my
bed, thinking about our next step. Or at least I am, anyway.
Lets move in together, I tell her.
She laughs. We kind of already live together, Miles, she
points out.
I shake my head. You know what I mean. I know we already
have plans for after we start college in August, but I think we
should do it now.
She rises up on her elbow and looks at me, probably trying to
read my expression to see if Im serious.
How? Where would we go?