I felt nauseous as I walked over to Kiera. She lifted her hand in greeting, and I feebly returned the gesture. I tried to walk as casually as possible, but curiosity was starting to eat at me. What was she doing here?
She was biting her lip as she studied me, and as soon as we were close enough, she asked, “Are you okay?” Her eyes were shiny, like she was about to cry…for me. That was almost as shocking as her being here.
Instead of answering her question, I asked one of my own. “What are you doing here? Come to gloat? See how low I’ve fallen?” I indicated the dirty, dusty factory drowning in the deluge behind me. If only the rain would completely sweep the hellish place away. But sadly, no…I needed it too much.
Kiera’s expression turned incredulous. “No, of course not. I was worried about you. I just needed to know you were okay. And now…I’m not so sure you are.” Her eyes scanning my face, she stepped forward so we were both covered by her mammoth umbrella; someone sheltering me felt oddly nice. It choked me up a little.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I waved off her concern. “I’m fine.” I smiled, and it hurt. I was anything but fine. Studying Kiera, I asked, “Why are you checking on me? You hate me.”
A flush of guilt crept over Kiera’s features. “I don’t hate you, Griffin. I may not always like you…but I don’t hate you.” She sighed. “But my sister loves you, and that’s why I’m here. She’s miserable without you, Griffin. They all are…Anna, the girls…the guys.” She shrugged as her gaze fell to the concrete.
I felt like she’d just grabbed a slab of that stone and cracked me over the head with it. They were all miserable? Without me? I wanted to believe that…but they weren’t exactly knocking down my door asking me to come back. Any of them…
“Nobody’s miserable without me. Nobody even cares that I’m gone. I’ve been living here for over a year now, and you’re the only one of them who has come down to see me.” I wanted to cross my arms over my chest and stand there in proud defiance, but I couldn’t. I had no pride left.
Frowning, Kiera nodded at my car. “Can we go somewhere quiet and talk? Preferably somewhere dry?” She looked up at the underside of her umbrella. “Your mom told me it was going to rain when I asked her where I could find you. I didn’t believe her at the time, but yeah…she’s a smart woman.” Her eyes returned to mine, and I could see the compliment in them.
I shook my head. “Yeah, she is. But apparently, her smarts wasn’t something she passed down to her kids. Not all of them, at least.”
Kiera’s eyes widened in surprise; she’d probably never heard me put myself down before. Not wanting to hear her say it wasn’t true when we both knew it was, I pulled out my car keys. “There’s a diner nearby. Are you hungry?”
I couldn’t eat, my mouth felt like ash, but Kiera had just traveled hours to get here, and…as I just remembered…she was pregnant. I made myself smile. “You’re pregnant, of course you’re hungry. Congratulations…I bet Kellan’s stoked.” Seeing Kiera’s glow reminded me that Anna had wanted another baby. God I missed her.
Kiera giggled as she rubbed her belly under her jacket. “Thanks, yeah, we both are. I’m due in November, a girl this time. Anna’s been going crazy, helping me shop for her…” Her voice trailed off, like she knew that hearing about my wife would hurt me. And like a knife to the gut, it did. Fuck, would it ever stop hurting?
Wanting away from this waterlogged misery, I opened my car door and helped Kiera inside. I drove us to a quaint diner a mile away, and we settled into a booth near the back. Kiera ordered a meal while I ordered coffee; until I knew what she wanted, I couldn’t eat. While we waited for the food to arrive, Kiera started in on her speech.
She smiled at me, then frowned. “First off, I want to clarify something you said in the parking lot. The guys do care about you, Griffin. It’s just…everyone has been really busy lately…and, well, they’re just as prideful and stubborn as you are. You hurt them when you left. No, more than that…you crushed them.”
A smart retort started to bubble in my brain, but I let it fade away and continued sitting there with my head hanging. Yes, I had hurt them, I knew that. Kiera put a hand on my arm and I looked up at her. “There’s still hope here, don’t give up.”
Shaking my head, I indicated my grimy exterior, the run-down diner that was the best I could afford. “Look at me, Kiera. I lost everything I owned, I’m living with my parents, I’m so deep in debt that even my piss is red, I’m doing a job I hate just to get by, and…I lost my wife, my best friends, and my children. What hope? How can I possibly fix all of that?”
Her face was firm but sympathetic. “That’s why I’m here. Things have been really hard on the D-Bags since you left. Denny told me he mentioned some of it, but probably not all of it. Have you been following the news?”
With a sigh, I shook my head again. “No, once the TV show fizzled, I tuned out. Even before that actually. Once I left the band…I didn’t want to hear about them. It kind of hurt, you know?” I felt weird admitting something so personal to Kiera, but she only nodded.
“Yeah, I know. Kellan and the guys kind of felt the same way about you. But they had to move on to keep the group going.” She let out a long exhale. “And it hasn’t been easy. There was a huge backlash when you left. Fans were hurt, confused…angry.”