Do I even want him on this trip? I have visions of myself cruising down the highway, singing along to the radio, and giving myself a nervous pep talk in the driveway before meeting my mom. Do I want an audience for what is sure to be an emotional trip? I have always imagined doing it alone.
Jase looks at me with hopeful eyes. I can’t help but notice he’s said nothing about us – about what him being here means. Why is he really here?
I take a deep breath and realize I do want him by my side, having his comfortable silence next to me, his warm hand to hold if I need it. It changes everything. I don’t know what will happen between us, but there’s no one else I’d rather have with me.
“Fine. Get in.”
He smiles. “Want me to take the first driving shift?”
“No. I’ll drive.” I’ll need something to concentrate on other than him. We climb into the car and as soon as the doors are shut, his familiar scent washes over me. So much for concentrating.
Jase
I know she’s surprised to see me, but I didn’t expect her to actually consider sending me away. But I see the indecision in her eyes, the split-second of uncertainty before she says yes.
I settle in the passenger seat next to Avery and flip through the radio stations, asking what she’s in the mood to listen to. She shrugs, noncommittal about anything, but I guess it’s to be expected. I can’t even imagine all the emotions she must feel embarking on this trip.
Avery drives slow and steady in the right lane of the highway. I don’t complain though – I’m fine with letting her take things at her own pace. I’ll probably have to drive tomorrow, knowing she’ll likely be a jittery mess as the time approaches to meet her mom.
I realize I’ve never been in the car while she’s driving, and though I usually prefer being the driver, watching her concentrate on the road is pretty cute. She gets a crease in her forehead and her little hands are gripping the wheel at ten and two. She also looks thinner, which I don’t like. But she also looks more determined, more sure, and I do like that.
I sneak glances at Avery as we drive, and the images from those sexy photos flash through my mind. I hate remembering her that way. The raw feeling of shock and disgust when I first saw those pictures slices through me. I wanted to hit something, or someone. Fuck, I still do. I don’t like associating the sweet, innocent girl I fell for with something so dirty. But that past is part of her, and I have to decide if it’s something I can get over or not. Will I ever be able to look at her without remembering?
The hours tick by and as I watch the passing headlights, I wonder what the future holds for me and Avery.
Avery
We don’t discuss my p**n ographic past, we don’t talk about us. We just drive. Each hour carries us closer to Denver, and I can’t help but feel further apart emotionally. The casual banter that used to flow so easily between us has been snatched away. This is what I’d always feared – getting close to someone, and then having it ripped away from me once my secret came out. That’s why it’s easier not to get too close. But nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. Crap. I hate how in my head I get about Jase. I need to just let it go. Him being here doesn’t mean anything…does it?
Jase yawns and stretches next to me, pulling my attention from the road over to him. “When do you wanna stop?” he says around another yawn.
The clock on the dash informs me it’s already after eleven. I’ve been driving for almost six hours. Wow. My neck is stiff and sore and cracks when I roll my shoulders. “I just thought I’d pull into a motel off the highway, and crash. Sound okay to you?”
He nods. “Sounds good.”
A few minutes later, Jase points out a sign for a motel. It’s a cheap and probably run-down chain, but it’ll do. I don’t need anything fancy. I pull off onto the exit, more than ready to get out and stretch my legs.
As I navigate us toward the motel, Jase gestures to the string of fast food restaurants further down the road. “Let’s grab something to eat first. You’re too thin, and I doubt you had dinner.”
I grin sheepishly. He’s right. I haven’t been eating well. Somehow food just doesn’t taste like it used to. Most days I have to force myself to get something down, and today, with all the excitement, it completely slipped my mind. “Sure. Burgers or subs?” I survey the restaurants around us.
Jase looks over at me, his eyes smiling on mine. “I’m feeding you the biggest cheeseburger we can find. It wouldn’t hurt to put a few pounds on you.”
I chuckle and shake my head at him. I’m nowhere near model-thin, but it’s nice to hear his concern, just the same.
After polishing off cheeseburgers and fries, Jase and I check into the little motel he’d seen off the highway. An adjoining door separates our rooms, and though I want a shower and to crawl in bed, suddenly that door is all I can think about. Or more specifically, what’s on the other side of it. I shouldn’t allow myself to feel any hope, but I can’t help wonder what Jase is thinking. I’m also worried about trusting myself with him.
Chapter 27
Jase
I’ve paced the room for the last fifteen minutes, trying to talk myself out of it. I heard her shower turn on – and then off, eight minutes later – and now she’s probably getting ready for bed, but still I can’t shake the desire to see her.
I take one last deep breath, willing myself just to let it go and move on, but I know I won’t. It’s why I’m on this trip. I can’t give her up.