Doyle had stood quietly to one side as I moved around the room turning on all the lights like a child waking from a nightmare. Light to chase away the bad things. The trouble was that the bad things were in my head now. There was no light bright enough for that.
He followed me as I went into the bedroom. I hit the overhead light as I moved through the door.
"I like what you've done with the bedroom," he said.
The comment made me turn and look at him. "What do you mean?"
His face stayed impassive, unreadable. "The living room was so very... pink. I feared the bedroom would be, as well."
I looked around the room at the soft grey walls, the burgundy wallpaper border with its mauve, pink, and white flowers. The bed was a king-sized four-poster, leaving almost no room between the foot of the bed and the closet doors. The bedspread was a deep, rich burgundy with a mound of pillows: burgundy, purple, mauve, pink, and a few black, just a few. The mirrored dresser was cherry wood, varnished so dark it was almost black. The dresser near the window matched it. Jeremy said that my bedroom looked like a man's room with a few touches added by his girlfriend. There was a black lacquer cabinet in the corner farthest away from the bathroom door. The cabinet was Oriental, with cranes and stylized mountains. The crane had been part of my father's livery. When I bought it, I remembered thinking he would have liked it. There was a philodendron plant on top of it, grown so long that the vines fell like green hair around the beautiful wood.
I looked around the room, and suddenly it felt like it wasn't mine and I didn't belong here. I turned back to Doyle. "As if it makes a difference to you what color my bedroom is."
He didn't flinch, but his face became even more unreadable, more passive, a trace of arrogance creeping in, and it reminded me of Sholto's courtly mask.
The comment had been mean, and meant to be. I was angry with him. Angry with him for not killing Nerys for me. Angry with him for forcing me to do what had to be done. Angry with him for everything, even the things that weren't his fault.
He watched me with cool eyes. "You're quite right, Princess Meredith, your bedroom is no concern of mine. I am a court gelding."
I shook my head. "No, that's the problem. You're not a gelding; none of you are. She just won't share."
He shrugged, making it look graceful. The movement caused him to wince.
"How is your wound?" I asked.
"You were angry with me seconds ago, now you are not. Why?"
I tried to put it into words. "It's not your fault."
"What is not my fault?"
"You did not endanger me. You saved my life. You didn't send the sluagh after me. You didn't cause the hand of flesh to manifest tonight. It's not your fault. I'm angry, and I want someone to blame, but you shouldn't pay the price for other people's shit."
He raised black-on-black eyebrows at that. "A most enlightened attitude for a princess."
I shook my head. "Drop the title, Doyle. I'm Meredith, just Meredith."
The eyebrows went up even farther, until his eyes looked impossibly wide, and his expression actually made me laugh. The laughter sounded normal, felt good. I sat down on the edge of the bed and shook my head. "I didn't think I'd be laughing tonight."
He knelt in front of me. "You have killed before-why is this different?"
I looked at him, surprised that he'd understood exactly what was bothering me. "Why was it so important that I kill Nerys?"
"A sidhe comes into their power through ritual, but that doesn't mean that the power will manifest itself. After the first time the power is used, then the sidhe must bloody themselves in combat." He put a hand on the bed on either side of me, but not touching. "It is a kind of blood sacrifice; it will ensure that the powers do not go back to sleep, but continue to grow."
"Blood makes the crops grow," I said.
He nodded. "Death magic is the oldest of all magics, Princess." He gave that small smile. "Meredith." He said my name softly.
"So you had me chop Nerys up so that my powers wouldn't go dormant again?"
He nodded again.
I looked into that serious face. "You said a sidhe comes into their power after a ritual. I had no ritual."
"The night you spent with the roane was your ritual."
I shook my head. "No, Doyle, we did nothing ritualistic that night."
"There are many rituals for awakening the power, Meredith. Combat, sacrifice, sex, and many more. It is not surprising that your power chose sex. You are descended from three different fertility deities."
"Five actually. But I still don't understand."
"Your roane was covered in Branwyn's Tears; for that one night he acted the part of a sidhe lover for you. He brought on your secondary powers."
"I knew it was magical, but I didn't know..." My voice trailed off. I frowned at him. "It seems like there should be more to it than just good sex."
"Why? It is sex that makes the miracle of life-what could be greater than that?"
"The magic healed Roane, gave him back his sealskin. I didn't try to heal him, because I didn't know I could."
Doyle sat down beside the bed, his long legs curled up against the dresser. "Healing one skinless roane is nothing. I have seen sidhe raise mountains from the sea, or flood entire cities, when they came into their power. You were lucky."
I was suddenly scared. "You mean my coming into my powers could have caused some great natural disaster?"
"Yes."
"You'd think someone would have warned me," I said.
"No one knew you were leaving us, so we could give you no parting advice. And no one knew that you had secondary powers, Meredith. The queen was convinced that if seven years with Griffin in your bed and years of duels had not awakened your powers then they were not there to waken."