I say nothing because he’s right. And I’m already done with this conversation. I feel anxious. I’ll see Lucy today in marketing class. We have it together twice a week and though I have no idea how she’s going to react upon seeing me, I can’t help but admit that hell yeah, I’m anxious. Excited.
Anticipating seeing that pretty face and asking her out on an official date. Will she accept? I hope so.
That I worry about her accepting my offer of a date or not is pretty hilarious.
“Remember back in the day when we used to get any chick we wanted?” There’s a fondness in Shep’s voice I find surprising. I thought he was perfectly happy being a taken man.
“Yeah, it wasn’t that long ago.” Especially for me, though technically not for Shep either.
He nods, looking nostalgic. “The three of us could walk into a bar and start a poon monsoon within seconds of our arrival every single time.”
I grimace. Seriously? How old are we? “I guess you could say that,” I agree slowly.
Shep laughs. “I’m serious. Girls would go nuts every time we made an appearance together, all of them fighting to see who could get one of us first. Wet panties galore, everywhere. And we fucking loved it. It was great.”
“Yeah.” It was. But I can reflect on it now and it was sort of lonely. I could never remember the girl’s name. One pussy after another, one mouth after another…there wasn’t anything special about any of it. I was just fucking for fucking’s sake. How sad and empty is that?
“Why you looking so down?” Shep nudges me. “You once lived for that shit.”
“So did you,” I return. “But now you’ve changed.”
“You’re right. I don’t miss it anymore,” Shep agrees.
“So what did it? What made you change?” I already know the answer but I want to hear his explanation. We sound like a couple of chicks, talking about our feelings and shit but damn it, I need some advice. Some guidance.
Shep’s expression turns serious. “The right girl. I can’t even tell you what exactly possessed me. Only thing I can tell you, is that it was Jade. She possessed me. More like I had to possess her.”
I completely understand. That’s how I feel about Lucy. The need to make her mine is just…it’s there. Bubbling up inside of me, threatening to take hold and never let go until I conquer my goal.
And my goal is…Lucy.
“Bro, you are way too quiet.”
I shrug. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“Like how to make that girl yours? Easy. Chase after her.” Shep shakes his head. “Another one of us has fallen. Looks like Tristan is finally on his own. Wonder if he can create a poon monsoon all by himself?”
“That’s fucking disgusting. Why do you keep having to say it?” If he says those two words one more time I might walk out. Leave him with the breakfast bill.
Shep starts to laugh in earnest and I scowl at him in return. Lately I feel like I’m a big joke at his expense. I know Tristan and I thought it was pretty fucking hilarious—and strange—as we watched Shep do stupid things to make Jade his. That our best friend was falling for a girl when he could have any and every girl he could ever want confused the hell out of us. I didn’t understand it.
Now, I get it. I’m the idiot trying my best to win over a girl and no doubt I’m also about to make an ass of myself.
Hell, I’ve already made an ass of myself. Passing out in the middle of kissing Lucy? Thank God no one knows about that beyond the two of us.
“So you’re telling me you’re so gone over this girl, you can’t even handle the words poon monsoon anymore?” Shep snickers.
He said it again, the bastard. I jump to my feet. “Gotta go.”
Shep’s laughter dies. “I thought you were buying breakfast.”
“Sorry bro, when you keep saying shit like that, I can’t stick around.” I throw a couple of dollars onto the table. “I’ll cover the tip though.”
“Asshole,” Shep calls as I exit the diner, making me laugh.
The smile stays plastered on my face the entire walk back to campus.
He sits by me in class. Like, literally sits by me, in the desk next to mine, his arm brushing against my arm as he settles in. The physical contact with Gabe makes my skin tingle, makes me blush and stutter and when he flashes that easy grin in my direction and says hi in that sexy, low drawling voice, it’s like he zaps all of my brain cells with a mere bearing of his perfectly straight, perfectly white teeth.
How am I going to survive an entire semester with him in this class? I’m on the path to fail I’m sure.
No. I refuse to let my reaction to Gabe cause me to fail. Mama would freak out if she knew there was a man in this class who could distract me. They’re the devil. Men are sent straight from hell to tempt a woman to sin. She told that to me once when I was sixteen and hot to go out with Ricky Torres. Oh, he’d been adorable. Seventeen, tall with black-as-night hair and flashing dark brown eyes, with a smile that promised all sorts of things, things I couldn’t begin to comprehend, I was so sheltered. He’d asked me out to the movies and I’d said yes.
Mama had immediately squashed that date with Ricky by letting me know not so nicely that he was the spawn of Satan. At first, I thought she was joking. But no, she was serious. And frightened—seriously frightened that I would go out to the movies with Ricky and return home knocked up, scared and all alone.
She put all of her past fears on me. I know it was unfair but she couldn’t help it and I forgive her. But by putting her fears on me, she kept me back. Kept me from experiencing things like…getting a quiet thrill out of a boy sitting next to me in class and smiling at me like I’m the only thing he ever wants to see.