He fell silent, still rolling the beer bottle like some kind of magic talisman. Nobody moved.
And I remembered.
Shanes whisper sounded raw, somehow, vulnerable and exposed. Michael wasnt looking at him. He was looking down, at his own beer bottle, and the label he was peeling off in strips.
It was like some wall coming down, and then it all just flooded in. I mean, its bad enough to live through it and sort of cope with it, but when it comes back like that Shane visibly shuddered. It was like Id just watched Lyss die all over again.
Oh, Eve said faintly. Oh God.
Mom He shook his head. I couldnt handle it. I left her. I had to get away, I couldnt justI had to go. You know? So I left. I ran.
A hollow rattle of a laugh. Saved my life.
Shane Michael cleared his throat. I was wrong. You dont have to
Shut up, man. Just shut up. Shane tipped the bottle to his lips for the last few drops, then swallowed hard. Claire didnt know what was coming, but she could see from the look on Michaels face that he did, and it twisted her stomach into a knot. So anyway, I came back a few hours later and she was in the tub, just floating there, and the water was redrazor blades on the floor
Oh, honey. Eve got up and stood there, hovering next to him, reaching out to touch him and then pulling back in jerky motions without making contact, like he had some force field of grief shielding him. It wasnt your fault. You said she was depressed.
Dont you get it? He glared up at her, then at Michael. She didnt do it. She wouldnt. It was them. You know how they work: they close in; they kill; they cover it up. They must have gotten there right after I left. I dont know
Shane.
I dont know how they got her in the tub. There werent any bruises, but the cuts were
Shane! Christ, man! Michael looked outright horrified this time, and Shane stopped. The two of them looked at each other for a long, wordless moment, and then Michaelvisibly tenseeased back into his chair. Shit. I dont even know what to say.
Shane shook his head and looked away. Nothing to say. It is what it is. I couldntshit. Let me just finish, okay?
As if they could stop him. Claire felt cold. She could feel Shanes body shaking next to her, and if she felt cold, how must he be feeling? Frozen. Numb. She reached out to touch him and, like Eve, juststopped. There was something about Shane right now that didnt want to be touched.
Anyway, my dad came home, eventually. Cops said it was a suicide, but after they were gone I told him. He didnt exactly want to hear it. Things gotugly. Claire couldnt imagine how ugly that had been, for Shane to actually admit it. But I made him remember.
Eve sat on the floor, hugging her knees close to her chest. She looked at him with anime-wide eyes. And?
He got drunk. A lot. Bitterness ran black through Shanes voice, and all of a sudden the beer bottle in his hand seemed to get a whole lot of significance for him, beyond just something to occupy his nervous hands. He set it down on the floor and wiped his palms on his blue jeans. He started hooking up with these bikers and stuff. Iwasnt in a real good place; I dont remember some of that. Couple of weeks later we got a visit from these guys in suits. Not vamps, lawyers. They gave us money, lots of it. Insurance. Except we both knew who it was from, and the point was, they were trying to figure out what we knew and remembered. I was too drugged out to know what was going on, and Dad was drunk, so I guess that saved our lives. They decided we were no threat. He wiped his forehead with the heel of his hand and laugheda bitter, broken sound like glass in a blender.
Shane on drugs. Claire saw that Michael had caught it, too. She wondered if he was going to say something, but maybe it wasnt the best time to say, Hey, man, you using now? Or something like that.
He didnt need to ask, as it turned out. Shane answered anyway. But I kicked it, and Dad sobered up, and we planned this out. Thing is, even though we remembered a lot of stuff, the personal stuff, we couldnt remember things about how to find vamps, or the layout of the town, or even who we were looking for. So that was my job. Come back, scout it out, find out where the vamps hide during the day. Report back. It wasnt supposed to take this long, and I wasnt supposed toget tangled up.
With us, Eve supplied softly. Right? He didnt want you to have any friends.
Friends get you killed in Morganville.
No. Eve put a pale hand on his knee. Shane, honey, in Morganville, friends are the only things that keep you alive.
Chapter Seven
Claire couldnt believe how much had poured out of Shaneall that grief and horror and bitterness and anger. Hed always seemed sort of, well, normal, and it was a shock to see all the emotional bloodshedand a shock to hear him talk so much, about things so personal. Shane wasnt a talker.
She collected the dishes and did them alone, comforted by hot water and the fizz of soap on her hands; she cleaned up pots and pans and splashes of red sauce, and thought about Shane finding his mom dead in a bloody bathtub. I wasnt in a real good place, Shane had said. The master of understatement. Claire wasnt so sure that shed ever have been able to smile again, laugh again, function again, if that had happened to her, especially after losing a sister and winning the Drunk-Asshole Lottery with Dad. How did he do it? How did he keep it together, and stay sobrave?
She wanted to cry for him, but she was almost sure that hed have been embarrassed, so she kept the misery inside, and scrubbed dishes clean. He doesnt deserve this. Why dont they all just leave him alone? Why does he have to be the one everybody beats on?
Maybe just because hed shown he could take it, and make himself stronger for it.
The kitchen door swung open, and she jumped, expected Shane, but it was Michael. He walked over to the sink, ran some cold water in his hands, and splashed it over his face and the back of his neck.