“This shouldn’t hurt this much,” I mumbled.
“No, it shouldn’t,” he agreed.
I ducked my head, rubbing the heel of my hand into an aching spot on my chest. My eyes flitted up, and I saw that Carter was doing the exact same thing.
I knew at that moment. I knew he felt whatever I felt. It may not have been what was supposed to happen, but how could we deny it now? What if Maxon did choose me? Did I have to say yes? What if I was stuck here married to one man while watching the person I truly wanted walking around my home every day?
No.
I would not do this to myself.
Abandoning every ladylike notion in my head, I darted to the door, shutting it. I ran back to Carter, placed my hand behind his neck, and kissed him.
There was a split second of hesitation before his arms went around me, then he held me to him as if I was something he needed to live.
When we pulled apart, he shook his head, scolding himself. “Lost that war. No hope for retreat now.” But while his words were filled with remorse, the little smirk on his face gave away that he was as happy as I was.
“I can’t be without you, Carter,” I said, using the name he’d only recently shared with me for the first time.
“This is dangerous. You understand that, right? This could kill us both.”
I closed my eyes and nodded, the tears falling on my cheeks. With his love or without it, either way I was inviting death.
I woke up to the sound of moans. For a second I couldn’t think of where I was. Then it came rushing back to me. The Halloween party. The caning. Carter . . .
The room was poorly lit, and, looking around, I saw it was only big enough for the cots that he and I were sprawled out on. I tried to push myself up and immediately shrieked. I wondered how long my hands would be useless.
“Marlee?”
I turned to Carter, propping myself on my elbows. “I’m here. I’m okay. I tried to use my hands.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He sounded like he had rocks in his throat.
“How are you?”
“Alive,” he joked. He was lying on his stomach, but I could see the smile on his face. “It hurts to move at all.”
“Can I help you?” I slowly got to my feet and peered over at him. The bottom half of his body was covered in a sheet, and I had no idea what if anything I could do to ease his pain. I saw a table in the corner with jars and bandages on it, as well as a piece of paper, and hobbled over to it.
He hadn’t signed it, but I knew Maxon’s handwriting.
When you wake up, change your bandages. Use the salve in the jar. Apply it with the cotton swabs to avoid infection and try not to wrap the gauze too tight. The pills will help as well. Then rest. Do not attempt to leave this room.
“Carter, I have some medicine for us.” I gingerly unscrewed the cap using only the tips of my fingers. The smell of the slightly thick substance was reminiscent of aloe.
“What?” He turned his face toward me.
“There are bandages and instructions.”
I looked at my wrapped hands and tried to think of how I was going to manage this.
“I’ll help you,” Carter offered, reading my mind.
I smiled. “This is going to be hard.”
“Absolutely,” he murmured. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined you would be seeing me naked for the first time.”
I couldn’t fight the laugh that came out. And I fell in love all over again. In less than a day I’d been beaten and made an Eight, and was waiting to be exiled to who knew where. Still, I was laughing.
What princess could have more?
It was impossible to judge how much time had passed, but we didn’t try to call out or knock on the door.
“Have you thought about where they’ll send us?” Carter asked. I was on the floor beside him, running the tips of my fingers across his short hair.
“If I got a choice, I’d pick someplace hot over someplace cold.”
“I have a feeling it will be one of the extremes, too.”
I sighed. “I’m scared not to have a home.”
“Don’t be. I might be a little worthless at the moment, but I can take care of us. I even know how to build an igloo if we end up somewhere cold.”
I smiled. “Do you really?”
He nodded. “I’ll build you the prettiest igloo, Marlee. Everyone will be so jealous.”
I kissed his head over and over. “You’re not worthless, by the way. It’s not like—”
The door made a ratcheting sound, then opened. Three people walked in wearing brown hooded cloaks, and I felt a wave of fear.
Then the first person pulled off his hood, revealing himself. I gasped and leaped to my feet to embrace Maxon, forgetting again about my hands and gasping at the pain.
“It will be all right,” Maxon promised as I drew back my hands. “The salve takes a few days to get everything back to normal, but, Carter, even you should be walking on your own soon. You’ll heal much faster than most.”
Maxon turned to the two other hooded figures. “This is Juan Diego and Abril. Until today they have worked in the palace. Now you will be trading places with them. Marlee, if you and Abril will go into the corner, the gentlemen and I will avert our eyes while you trade clothes. Here,” he said, handing me a cloak similar to hers. “This will help with some privacy.”
I looked at Abril’s timid face. “Of course.”
We moved to one corner, and she pulled off her skirt, then helped me put it on. I slipped off my dress and handed it to her.
“Carter, we’re going to have to put pants back on you. We’ll help you stand.”