“Sorry,” Jessie said as she took a step back, “come in.”
“Have you been crying?” Brendon asked, the answer obvious, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“No,” Jessie answered a little aggressively. “How are you feeling?” Jessie finally asked when Brendon closed the front door.
“Just fucking peachy,” he answered as he made his way to the couch. Dropping down, he crossed one leg over the opposite knee and propped his hands on his flat stomach as he watched her.
“Why are you here?” Jessie asked, sincere bafflement in her eyes.
“I wanted to talk,” he admitted.
“Oh.”
Yeah, oh. “About damn time, huh?”
That earned him a small smile from Jessie. “I’ve been meaning to come talk to you, too.”
“We should’ve done this months ago, Jess, I know that,” he finally told her, glancing down and studying his lap.
“It might’ve helped,” she said.
Figuring it was time to suck it up and clear the air, Brendon met Jessie’s gaze. “Look, I’m really sorry. I’ve been shitty to you lately and you didn’t deserve it. I . . . I don’t know why I’ve become such a selfish asshole lately, but—”
“It’s because you’re scared,” Jessie interrupted. “And I owe you an apology, too. I should’ve, uh”—Jessie glanced over at the front door briefly—“I should’ve talked to you. After Braydon was gone. That was hard for me, too.”
Brendon didn’t want to openly admit he was scared, but Jessie had nailed it. He was terrified. Life had taken a turn he hadn’t been ready for. Instead of acting like an adult, he had taken the feelings of everyone he knew and cared about and crushed them as a way of dealing with his own personal shit. Jessie had been caught in the cross fire.
“I really want things to work for you and Braydon. I’m not sure if he told you, but . . .” Again, Brendon focused his attention on his hands, twisting them together as he tried to find the words. “I knew how he felt about you. I’ve known for a long time. Truth is,” he said as he met her blue eyes, “I didn’t know what to do about that. It’s out of the norm for us.”
Jessie chuckled, partly in amusement, partly in disbelief. He understood her point.
“I get that we don’t do things the conventional way. I’m not going to make excuses for that or say that I’m sorry, either. It’s the way things were.” Keeping his gaze locked with hers, Brendon said, “I wouldn’t change a thing, Jessie.”
The way her face softened, he knew she understood his meaning. He didn’t want to go into details with Cheyenne outside waiting for him, but he wanted Jessie to know that he did care about her. Sure, he had a shitty way of showing it. It didn’t change the fact that he considered her a friend. He wanted her to be happy. And if she found that with Braydon, then he was going to be happy for them both.
“I knew there was something going on between you and Braydon,” he added, holding up his hand when Jessie would’ve interrupted him again. “Not like that. I knew the two of you had feelings for each other. Feelings that . . .” God, this was harder than he’d anticipated. “I didn’t have.”
Neither of them moved, neither of them said anything until the silence was practically suffocating him. Only then did he say, “I want us to be friends, Jess.”
“I’d like that.”
“And when you and Braydon get married and have babies, I want to be around for that, too.”
Jessie’s face fell and Brendon realized he’d said the wrong thing.
“I’m not sure Braydon and I will be together anymore,” Jessie said sadly. “I’m kind of an idiot.”
As if they had somehow summoned Braydon telepathically, Brendon’s phone chirped. He reached for it in his pocket and glanced down at the screen. Sure enough.
What the fuck are you doing at Jessie’s? was the text he had received.
Came to talk to her, was his reply.
Five seconds passed. Ten. And the next text made Brendon actually breathe easier.
I need to talk to you when you get a minute.
Will now work? Cuz this is getting really awkward.
Another brief pause before he finally received an answer.
Meet me at the house.
Done.
Brendon looked up at Jessie, trying to determine how he could get out of this easily. Since he had learned there wasn’t an easy way to do much of anything these days, he just blurted, “I need to go talk to Braydon. Do you mind if, uh, Cheyenne stays here for a little while?” he asked, glancing at the front door.