Her stories had only recently begun to induce a streak of envy that blazed hot and fierce inside me, but I refused to let her know. Once they brought to mind vivid memories of my own—of the man I was waiting for, of the way he and I had been whenever we were together. I’d liked those memories. They’d given me something to hold onto. Something to look forward to.
Now they only reminded me of what I didn’t have.
But I forced an encouraging smile, preferring her spicy talk to her baby disappointment. “Please, Laynie. Don’t act as if you’re doing it any more than you were when you weren’t trying. You two have sex drives that are insatiable.”
She grinned. “It’s H. He can go forever. This morning, he woke me up before five, and he still was only half dressed when his driver rang the bell at a quarter to eight. The Pierce stamina…I tell you…”
“No, don’t. I can barely look at him with all I know as it is.”
“I’m just saying I bet there’s a cousin or something we could fix you up with.” She winked.
It was my turn to groan. “Please, no.” As for Pierce stamina, I had a feeling it was more Hudson stamina. I certainly hadn’t found my own Pierce lover to be able to go very long. Though, perhaps that was just because of their differences in age.
And that little extracurricular arrangement was not one I was sharing with anyone, least of all my coworker. It was embarrassing and wrong—on so many levels, not just because of the years between he and me. I was sure Laynie and I were close enough friends that she wouldn’t judge or scold, but still. I felt guilty. As I should. I should feel every rotten feeling from shame to disgust to remorse.
Laynie would tell me I was being ridiculous. She’d said before that I couldn’t waste my life away waiting for someone who had obviously flat-out disappeared. And maybe a part of me agreed. Maybe that was why I’d let that other Pierce work his way into my life. Into my bed.
But I hadn’t let him anywhere near my heart, because no matter how much time had passed, it belonged to someone else.
“Fine. No setting you up with Hudson’s family. As soon as you say the word, though, I’m fixing you up with someone. Just let me know when you’re ready.”
I chewed on my bottom lip and gave her a tight, “Mmhmm,” pretending to be distracted with what was on my screen. Thank goodness she couldn’t view it from where she sat or she’d see that I was staring at the desktop. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to discuss the topic, necessarily. I just didn’t know what else to say to her. “Don’t bother, I’m hopeless,” would only urge her to convince me otherwise. And I didn’t want convincing. Because as far as I was concerned, I’d never be ready.
“Well, whenever.”
I felt her staring at me for a few seconds before I heard the clickety-click of her fingers on her keyboard. She really was thoughtful to try like she did. It was just still difficult for me to know how to deal with people who cared about me besides Norma and Ben. People like Alayna and Hudson and Boyd—Norma’s boyfriend—and Eric, my brother’s fiancé. It hadn’t been that long since I’d been closed off to everyone, shut up inside, unwilling to let go or let others in, and it was sometimes awkward to respond to the attention. Which was silly, probably. It wasn’t like I’d turned into the captain of the cheerleading squad in terms of social life or anything. But I’d definitely changed. And that took getting used to.
Alayna wasn’t pushing, thankfully. That meant I was off the hook, and I willed my attention to turn to work.
I let out a long breath and opened up the shared folder on my computer labeled Restaurant. While I was mainly in charge of operations and Laynie was in charge of marketing and human resources, we found our best innovative ideas happened together. So even though she primarily worked days and I worked nights, we made sure our hours overlapped several times a week so that we could collaborate and touch base. Friday nights we ran the club together. She wasn’t needed then—we had more than enough qualified managers to cover all the shifts without her having to take a weekend night—but she said it kept her in touch with what made the club thrive. Frankly, I was surprised Hudson let her work when he wasn’t at the office. He was as controlling as she was obsessive. Somehow the two made it work. Perfectly, even.
However they did it, I was grateful that we had shifts together. Besides being a good friend, she was an amazing businesswoman. She had worked at The Sky Launch for several years, but she’d only taken over as manager at about the same time I did. I’d been impressed from day one with her plans for expansion of the nightclub, including her idea to highlight the club’s best feature—the private bubble rooms on the second story that overlooked the dance floor below. We’d focused on bringing in more small parties, partnering with various businesses around town and starting a citywide promotion campaign through one of the best advertising firms in NYC.