He moved back an inch. “What? Is this not good? Do you not want this?” He was eager and concerned and adorable in both.
I smiled. “No. I mean, I do. I do want this. I do want you.” Like, really, really wanted him. “But…”
He straightened and an alarm went off in my head. A screeching voice begging me to shut the fuck up and let the man kiss me already.
But the “but” was there at the tip of my tongue ,and it needed to be said because it could be everything. The difference between whether we could be good together or great, and it was important enough—important enough to me—to have to say it.
So I ignored the internal opposition. “But I can’t do this again.”
His hands dropped from my face. “Which part? Because if it’s something I can change…”
“I don’t want you to change.” I already missed his touch. It had been so long in coming, and I was desperate to hold onto him, despite how my words sounded, so I put my palms against his chest. I sighed at the distantly familiar form of his taut muscles. So firm. So beautifully sculpted. So deliciously tempting.
Yeah, hands were dangerous.
I brought them down to my sides and pressed them against the door behind me instead. “I’m not asking for you to change who you are. But I can’t do what we were doing, JC.” I corrected myself, “Justin,” intentionally reminding both of us of the obstacles in the way of our relationship.
It did its job. He took a step back, tentative. On edge. “What is it that we were doing?”
“The casual, no-commitment. It can’t work this time.” I took a deep breath and plunged on. “I gave you my heart. Totally. But I don’t even know you. You don’t know me.”
His guard softened. “You do know me, though. The important parts. Is it everything? No. But we have time for that. We can get there.” He reached his thumb out and swept it across my jaw. “I want to get there.”
I swear my skin shot a degree hotter under his caress. “I want that too. I need that. I need to know that we won’t have walls anymore. Having said that, I’m not quite ready to bring all of mine down. Yet. So, maybe we could do this differently this time?” Differently, even though what I wanted in the moment was to take his thumb between my lips and suck.
“Whatever you want.” He shoved his hands back in his pockets, and I understood now. Touching made it too hard to say the words that needed to be said. “As long as you’re saying we can do it at all, I’m in. Whatever the conditions. I’d prefer not to be tied up and made your slave, but if that’s what you need, I think you’d look really hot in one of those dominatrix outfits. With the whip. And the boots. And the tassels.”
I chuckled. “Stop it. This isn’t about sex.”
“That’s what the people in that lifestyle always say, which I don’t understand, but I can try to be open.” This was the JC that had won me over in the first place—playful, charming. Oozing with sexiness.
“You know that’s not what I mean.” I cast my gaze down, shy about what I wanted to say next. “And if I did, I think you already know that I’m more of the submissive type. With you, anyway.” I peeked up at him.
“Thank God. Now take off all your clothes.”
“JC! I’m serious.” But I stifled a giggle as I said it.
“You think I’m not? Fine. Go ahead and tell me what you’re thinking. It sounds like you have something in mind that’s probably a whole lot less fun and a whole lot more practical. But hit me. I can take it.”
“Yeah, actually. I was thinking we could…maybe…” God, this felt so silly when we’d been as intimate as we’d been. “Maybe we could go on a date?”
“A date?” He said it like he wasn’t sure he’d heard me right, not like he thought I was being ridiculous.
Which made it easier to say it again. “Yeah. A date. Where we set a time and you pick me up and you take me some place. A date.” It hadn’t ever been something we’d done before, and suddenly it felt vital.
His mouth slowly curled into a half smile. “A date sounds like a fabulous idea. When? Now?”
“You’re very eager.” To be honest, I was too. “But now I need to sleep.”
“Dates can involve sleeping.”
“No, they can’t.” I laughed outright now, because this was the JC I remembered—flirting and forward, but mostly I was just so happy that this was happening. That he was here. That he wanted me still. “Besides, our date specifically needs to not be in a bedroom.”