If that was so, then why couldn’t she explain this sudden ache in her chest? He’d left, that was what she wanted, or what she’d told herself she wanted. But as she gazed at the empty doorway he’d just left, she felt like crying.
Frustration made her turn her head away and put a false smile on her face as she began speaking of anything she could that wasn’t related to Jackson. When the day dragged on and she still missed him, she knew she was in trouble. Big trouble.
He was a coward.
There was no doubt about it. There were probably scorch marks going out the doorway from Alyssa’s room. Jackson couldn’t think of any other time he’d ever run like that, but run he had. Alyssa was carrying another man’s child, and he’d been propositioning her. And yet he’d tried telling himself he was doing the right thing. She was pregnant, after all. She needed to be taken care of.
But he knew he’d get so much more out of the bargain he was proposing than she would. How long did he really want whatever this was between them to last? Until the end of her pregnancy? A year? Years? Forever?
Was he a monster to take sex in exchange for security? Did she even need the security he could provide? She had her parents, and even though they were nowhere near as wealthy as he was, they obviously loved her and seemed more than willing to take care of her.
So where did that leave him? Was he just trying to find excuses to be with her? Did he actually care about this woman, a woman he barely knew? Hell, he didn’t know what to think about himself or anything else, for that matter.
One thing was clear, though: he was thinking in terms of more than a couple of weeks, of a commitment far longer than he’d ever expected to make again. It was togetherness of the sort that involved rings and vows and “till death do us part.”
He’d sworn he would never enter into a real relationship again, let alone marry again. Commitments were a joke. The vows he and his former wife had made to each other ultimately ended up meaning nothing. Nothing! She’d walked away from him without so much as a backward glance. And then he hadn’t been there fast enough to save his three-month-old baby from the fire her mother had started.
Jackson hung his head as he paced endlessly across the floors of his house. Alyssa probably figured she’d never hear from him again. He really didn’t know anything right now. All he knew for sure was that his gut was churning and he was dazed and confused as hell.
His mind told him to run, to find some other woman, a woman who knew the score, or to find no one and hole up in his home and focus strictly on work. But his heart . . . The damn thing continued to send all sorts of ridiculous notions through his veins, and made him want to do the exact opposite of what his brain insisted was rational.
What was wrong with him? Why had he decided to sit in that exact place in the airport? Why had he decided to move her plane seat next to his? If he’d only waited in the first-class lounge or stood by the counter, as he normally did, none of this confusion would be oppressing him now.
No. To take away that night wasn’t what he wanted. It had been spectacular. When he’d thought he would never see her again, he hadn’t been filled with relief. He’d been . . . Jackson stopped pacing and gazed out his large living room window.
He’d been bereft.
Just admitting that to himself made him feel like a weaker man. He didn’t need a woman in his life to validate his own happiness. He had his work, and he had his family, whether he wanted them around or not.
He had himself.
Why all of a sudden was none of that enough? Because he couldn’t go a single day without thoughts of Alyssa. So what did that mean? His shoulders sagged. He knew the answer. It meant he was going back to see Alyssa.
What happened next, he’d soon find out.
ALYSSA HAD EXPECTED him to walk out, so why was she feeling so sorry for herself and lying like a limp rag in her suddenly claustrophobic bed? Maybe because she’d begun to have hope, if just the smallest trace of it, that he really did like her. And maybe it was simply because she was a fool.
He didn’t want her. Yes, it was more than obvious that he wanted to spend a few more nights in bed with her, but that wasn’t nearly enough. Of course, with the hormones rushing through her body, she might be able to spontaneously combust and light some bedding on fire all on her own. Her body was sensitive in the extreme, and to feel a man’s touch would be divine. The mere thought of feeling Jackson sink deep inside her made her core pulse.
But she knew that wasn’t what she should do. She’d been smart to keep her distance. The guy was clueless beyond belief, and he must really have a low opinion of her to have assumed so easily that the child was another man’s.
Not that she’d told him anything different. But she hadn’t exactly lied; she just hadn’t told anyone who the baby’s father was. That eased her conscience, if only a little.
“I can’t seem to stay away from you.”
Alyssa turned to watch Jackson stroll into her room as if he didn’t have a care in the world. She was torn between relief, which she certainly didn’t want to feel, and frustration, which she should be feeling.
“What are you doing here? I thought I’d seen the last of you. You ran so fast you left a cloud of smoke behind you.”
“You thought wrong, Alyssa.” He sat down in one chair and propped his legs up on another, making himself disgustingly comfortable, looking as if he weren’t planning on ever leaving.
“I don’t want you here.”
“I disagree. I think you do want me here, but you’re too stubborn to admit it.”
“Well, then, I guess we’re at an impasse, Jackson.”
“You can always try to kick me out,” he told her.
“Don’t think that I’m weak just because I’m in this bed.”
“I would never make such a foolish mistake as to think you anything other than beautiful, strong, and capable.”
It was more than clear that this man was a smooth talker. Did he practice in front of his mirror? Probably. She had to remind herself that he was a powerful businessman, obviously good at coming up with lines in his life of constant schmoozing. He had probably used this same line so many times it flowed from his tantalizing lips without any help from his pea-sized brain.
“Jackson, this is a pointless game you’re playing. You obviously know that I’m pregnant. I’m not on the market,” she said, suddenly drained.
“I disagree. There’s no ring on your finger, and I don’t see a man anywhere nearby who’s holding your hand.”