“This one isn’t on me, Spence. She’s known since we met up again that she was carrying my child. She knew when the baby was born, and she knew when I was by our daughter’s side day and night. She’d been living with me for weeks before the wreck. She could have told me at any time.”
“But she did tell you today.”
“I know, Spence. But it should have been sooner.” It didn’t matter how many times he said it, he couldn’t change that she hadn’t told him before today. What he had to figure out was if he’d be able to forgive her.
“I know. I don’t mean to give you a hard time, Jackson. I just don’t want you to dwell on what could have been said, or what could have happened. I want you to focus on your daughter, on her getting well. Alyssa has been released from the hospital today. She needs someone to watch over her. Not only does she have a while before she is fully recovered from her injuries, but she has the added stress of having a premature infant who will require a lot of care. Don’t be too hard on her.”
Spence didn’t give Jackson time to respond. He just hopped down from the truck and walked toward the hospital doors. Jackson still had a lot to think about. As he lay back in his truck and closed his eyes, he tried to decide what he would do next. He was so angry with Alyssa right now that he knew it would be best not to speak to her. What would yelling accomplish? What would accusations help?
They would marry. There was no doubt in his mind. His child would be raised by him, not by some man she might meet in the future. That meant that he needed either to yell a lot and get over his anger, or to decide to accept some of the responsibility.
Yes, she should have told him. Especially once they were staying in the same house. She’d had plenty of opportunities to give him the truth and she’d chosen not to. Again, though, wasn’t she going through enough pain right now?
He still had no answers when he felt his muscles relax from the warm liquor he’d drunk, and he lay there lazily as his mind continued to spin. Life hadn’t ever been easy for him, to be damn sure. Why should it change now?
Displaying a calm that he didn’t feel, Jackson finally made his way back into the hospital. Anger still ate at his insides, but he and Alyssa were adults, and the two of them needed to speak as grown-ups, not as hurt children. Easier said than done.
Jackson found Alyssa right where he’d left her, sitting in her wheelchair with her hand inside the incubator, caressing their tiny daughter. She was exhausted, and he had no trouble seeing that she needed to get some rest. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them if he barreled ahead and forced her into an immediate discussion about what came next.
“Alyssa, let’s get you home.”
When she turned her head, he saw the raw pain in her eyes and the dark circles beneath them. He felt like a monster.
“I’m confused right now, Alyssa, okay? Just give me some time. I’m not going to lay into you, make accusations, or make you feel any worse than you do right now. We both need time to think. But you aren’t going to be any good to our daughter when she’s finally released if you don’t get some rest.”
His tone was gentle, and he saw her shocked expression. Was he so frightening that she expected him to kick her while she was down? If so, he really needed to change her opinion of him.
“I don’t want to leave her all alone. What if something happens and we’re not here?” Such sadness haunted her voice.
“My brother is on shift. He will call us immediately if anything goes wrong.”
“I will.”
They both turned to find Spence standing there behind them in his scrubs. “I’ll take good care of Angel,” he told them.
Alyssa’s shoulders slumped and Jackson knew she’d now allow him to take her away from the hospital.
“Thanks, Spence.” With that, he helped her place her feet on the footrests, then wheeled her to the front of the hospital and out to his truck. She didn’t fight him as he helped her climb inside.
Neither of them said a word as he drove the miles to his house. She moved lethargically, almost like a sleepwalker, when he arrived and helped her inside.
TREMBLING WITH ANXIETY, Alyssa waited, wondering if and when he would unload on her. But as she tried to prepare herself for the attack, a bit of anger built up within her. This wasn’t all her fault. He had made love to her; in fact, he had come after her the way a tornado chases an old barn.
He hadn’t taken no for an answer back on New Year’s and she’d carried their child. Yes, it was wrong that she hadn’t said anything to him, but was he really so dense that he couldn’t do basic math? Any normal man would have had some suspicions. She waited, not willing to be the first person to speak.
When he approached, his dark eyes still kind, but with something else in his expression that made her shiver, she strengthened her resolve. She had to stay strong, for her own health and for her sick baby.
“I need to really understand why you didn’t tell me sooner. You have grown to know me. The fear you spoke of earlier just doesn’t make sense.”
“I thought you weren’t going to pressure me, Jackson.”
“I just want some answers. I’m not yelling, and I’m not angry. But I think I deserve something from you, Alyssa.”
He waited, his eyes boring dangerously into hers. From the first moment she’d encountered those eyes, she’d known she was in trouble. What this man could get her to confess with simply a look was terrifying to her.
“I was . . . scared. I’m still scared. That day on the plane you told me you would never love anyone again after your failed relationship. Then I thought I wouldn’t see you again. And when I did see you, I was frightened all over again because I was told that you were ruthless, would do whatever it took to keep a child to yourself that was yours.” She paused to take a breath. “Once I got to know you, the lie hung over us and I knew you wouldn’t take her, but I didn’t want you to hate me for keeping the truth from you. I can’t give you anything more than that. It was foolish of me, but I can’t change it.”
She was terrified he would leave, but also petrified that he’d stay only because of their daughter, not ever able to love her. Waiting for a reply, Alyssa tried to turn away from Jackson’s intense gaze, but he had her captured, and there was no escape.
She had never believed in fate, but it seemed that she and Jackson had somehow been destined to meet, destined to create a child, and finally, destined to stand in his house and face the choices they’d made. Fighting off the twinges of guilt that threatened her composure, she waited. It was his turn to speak.