Of course not.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to shake those three little words off. At no point had I ever entertained the idea that Tanner’s sudden interest in me had anything to do with long term. He was a…virile man, and I’d turned to putty in his hand—literally. I shouldn’t feel any regrets, but I did.
I always did.
Because for once, I wanted to be…I wanted to be something more than just a hookup. I wanted to be…worth more. I wanted to not feel the need to sneak downstairs and get a drink. I wanted to not be feeling this way. Resting my head against the cool glass, I sighed.
Truth was, I wanted to be with Tanner. I wanted to lose myself in him, give away a little piece of myself and not to think past that moment.
Dinner hadn’t been too awkward as Tanner pretty much seemed to forget that I was sitting in the same room as everyone else, and afterward, we’d all gone down into the media room. The boys had had an epic air-hockey death match, and about an hour ago, I’d left, claiming to be exhausted. I hadn’t looked to see if Tanner had watched me leave, because I was pretty sure he hadn’t.
I’d thought my little speech in the kitchen about it not being a big deal would’ve smoothed things out, but I had the distinct feeling I’d made it worse. And I had lied. It was a big deal. The way he’d handled me, how he touched me, had erased every incident I’d ever had with a guy before. He’d made me forget. Everything. One could not put a price on that. One could not pass up that kind of opportunity.
But I had a feeling that I had without realizing it.
Moving away from the window, I sat on the edge of the bed and stretched my legs out. I had that habit—a habit of making things worse without really even trying. Like when I’d changed my majors. I could’ve gone with a nursing degree, then at least it wouldn’t have been like I was tossing away nearly four years of education. There were more examples I could give myself, but I really didn’t want to travel down that depressing road tonight. I stood and headed for where I’d left my purse on the dresser. Opening it up, I poked around the red bottles until I found the one with the sleeping pills in it. I’d just started to pop the cap when there was a soft knock on the bedroom door.
I guessed it was Syd, so I dropped the bottle back in my purse and padded over to the door, opening it. My eyes widened.
So not Syd.
Tanner stood in the doorway, his hands planted on the frame, head bowed. A moment passed before he lifted his chin. His eyes were a cobalt blue, intense as they immediately latched onto mine. My breath caught in my chest.
“I lied,” he said.
“What?”
His hands slipped off the frame as he straightened. “I lied earlier. While we were in the kitchen. What happened between us in the pool? It did mean something to me.”
Chapter 10
Tanner
The moment those words came out of my mouth, I knew how true they were and there was no taking them back.
When I’d come upstairs, I hadn’t planned on stopping at her bedroom, but it was like my brain had shut the hell down and I found myself standing in front of her door. There was no way I could go to sleep with her thinking I didn’t give two shits.
And now I was here and Andrea was staring at me like she’d never seen me before. I had no idea what to make of that, but a tense second passed, and then she took a step back, and then another.
I took that as an invitation.
Stepping into her room, I held her gaze. “Tell me it meant nothing to you, and I’ll pretend like nothing happened. Just say the word, Andy. We can forget it ever happened, but if it did—if it meant anything—then there is no way in this fucking world I’m going to act like nothing happened.”
Her chest rose sharply as she lifted her hands, tucking the wild curls back behind her ears. “Tanner, I…it…” Her eyes closed briefly. “It did mean something to me, but—”
“There doesn’t need to be a ‘but’ right now,” I cut in, feeling like I’d just won the damn lottery. How desperate was that? “Okay? We don’t have to—”
“Think past now?” she whispered so quietly I almost didn’t hear her. Her lashes lifted. “I can’t think past now.”
I honestly didn’t know what she meant by that, but then she reached down, wrapping her fingers under the hem of her loose T-shirt. My fucking heart stopped as she lifted the shirt over her head. The material dangled from her fingers and then slipped to the floor.
Andrea wore a white bra, with delicate lace that framed the cups and a tiny bow in the middle. I’d seen her in a bathing suit before, so it should’ve been no big surprise to see her like this now, but it was different. More intimate. Meant more.
I closed the door behind me, breathing heavily¸ as if I’d just run two miles. Unable to pull my gaze from her, I thought I’d probably see nothing more beautiful than right here, right now—seeing her standing there like she was. As much as it killed me, I had to tell that coming to her tonight wasn’t about getting between her legs. “Andrea, I didn’t—”
“Don’t.” Her chest rose with another deep breath, straining the cups. “I don’t think we need to talk.”
“I think we do.” My voice had deepened, turned rougher.
Shaking her head, she walked up to me, each step slow and purposeful. I was rooted where I stood. She stopped when her feet brushed mine. “I don’t remember kissing you before.” Her eyes met mine as she tilted her head back. “And you didn’t kiss me earlier.”
“I didn’t.” I barely recognized my own voice.
Andrea placed her hands on my chest and I felt the fine tremor coursing through them. “I want to remember kissing you.”
Damn. “I want you to remember that too.”
She leaned in, her breasts pressing against my chest. The centers of her cheeks flushed pink. “Will you kiss me now?”
Oh man, I’d really had no intentions of any of this when I’d come up here. I had just wanted to talk to her. To clear the air and put it out there—where I stood when it came to us. But I wasn’t a saint. On a good day I didn’t have much willpower, and right now, my restraint snapped like a rubber band pulled too tight.
One hand landed on her hip, and I curled the other around the nape of her neck, tilting her head back further. I lowered my mouth to hers, and this time—yeah, this was a real kiss.
Her mouth was soft under mine, and when her lips parted there was no lingering taste of liquor on that mouth. Hell no, it was a hundred percent all Andrea and she still tasted sweet. She slipped one hand up to my shoulder, her fingers curling into my shirt as I ran my tongue along the seam of her mouth.