“Tell me how you want it baby—hard and fast or slow and teasing?” I flick my tongue over the tip of the toy, the monitor above the webcam showing me the webcam feed and the chat message window.
HackOffMyBigCock: h and f
I oblige, shoving the toy down my throat in one quick movement. Gagging on the depth, then pulling back off, keeping eye contact with the cam, I jack off the saliva-covered toy as I suck up and down on it, my eyes watering from the motion, my cheeks hollowing from the effort. I gag repeatedly, letting the reflex coat the toy with saliva, and occasionally spit on the toy and slap my face with it.
HackOffMyBigCock: f**k. u give such good head bb. i want to paint your face right now.
I glance at the timer, located in the top right corner of the video—5 minutes and 32 seconds. Not long enough. “Wait baby, don’t come yet,” I beg. “I really need you inside of me. I’ve been waiting all day for your cock.”
HackOffMyBigCock: ok
HackOffMyBigCock: sit back and touch yourself. i need to cool off a min
Good boy. I sit back, getting off of my knees so I can be spread eagle on the floor. I switch to the floor cam, located about three feet off the floor, and angle it so it focuses on my lower half. I have a total of seven cams, all top-of-the-line high definition. Above the floor cam is another strap-on fixture—the one I use for doggie-style f**king. I looked at purchasing a Sybian once, but my system works fine and a Sybian is a big investment.
HackOffMyBigCock: how have u been?
Typically, during the initial thirty seconds of a cam session, as well as during a cool-off period is when the guys get chatty. End of session chat is rare.
“I’ve been good—with the exception of mid-terms, which are next week. I am so far behind in my studying …” I make a face and continue moving my hands, circling my ni**les, which perk up from the contact, and trace a path down to my pu**y, which is wet. Gagging seems to always make me wet.
HackOffMyBigCock: been too busy partying? lol
“I wish! There are no cute guys at my school.” I pout and spread open my shaved lips, showing him the pink wetness there.
HackOffMyBigCock: damn ur wet. i need to come there and f**k u in person.
Mike is the only guy I ever really worry about finding me. Initially, I paid a professional company to set up my website “securely,” promising me that I would be untraceable … but please. If hackers can crack the DOD’s internal site, they can get past the $249.00 security package I paid for.
“God, if you were here right now, I’d f**k you so hard …” I zoom the cam out, so that it shows my whole body, then close my eyes and lick my lips. I moan softly, my fingers dipping inside of me, then open my eyes and stare into the cam. “I need to f**k you,” I whisper urgently. “Please.”
HackOffMyBigCock: im ready for u bb. bend over, i want to give it to u from behind.
I reach up and forward, unsnapping the nude toy and moving it down to the lower connection, quickly clipping it into place. Then I flip over, onto my knees, my back arched and look over my shoulder at the cam, reaching one hand underneath me to spread my lips. “Please, please, I need it so bad.”
HackOffMyBigCock: now. f**k me now.
I scoot back, moving slowly as the nude dick presses on the opening of my pu**y. Guys love to watch the moment when ‘they’ enter me, and I play it for all it’s worth, gasping as my pu**y lips slide around the girth of it. I move, pushing back until it slides deeper, deeper, and then is buried inside of me. Full. I moan. “God, baby, you are so f**king deep in me. This is what I’ve needed.”
HackOffMyBigCock: tell me to f**k u
The chime of his message causes me to look over my shoulder at the screen. I slide slowly off the dick, and then push onto it again, gasping a little. “Please Mike, I need it all. Please Mike, f**k me! Fuck me with your big meaty cock!” My voice rises until I am almost screaming the words, and I rock back and forth on the dick with enthusiasm. “Fuck, f**k, f**k, Mike—God that’s what I need!” I grunt, guttural, and look over my shoulder at the cam, my face a mess of want and pleasure. Then I close my eyes, f**king the toy harder, faster, my breath coming out in ragged gasps.
HackOffMyBigCock: aww f**k bb im going to cum
I look over, read his words, and continue my barrage on the toy. “Where Mike—where do you want it?” I keep my eyes glued to the screen, waiting for his response.
HackOffMyBigCock: swallow it
I pull abruptly off the toy, spinning around and grabbing it in my hands. I devour it, plunging it down my throat and staring up at the cam, jacking the c**k off with my hand as I suck it, hard and fast. I moan encouragingly as I suck, and squeeze my tits, pulling on my ni**les softly with my fingers.
There is silence for almost a minute, then a message.
HackOffMyBigCock: f**k that was hot. thx jess
———PRIVATE CHAT ENDED BY HackOffMyBigCock. 13min24sec
Thirteen minutes. $94.35, which, minus my personal website’s transaction fees, is $91.06 to my bank account. It pays the bills.
I heave to my feet, walk naked across the floor and grab a glass, filling it with water from the sink. I open the cabinet and grab a Tylenol bottle, leaving the cabinet open as I pop two into my mouth and chase them down with tepid tap water. My eyes flicker over the cabinet and the racks of orange bottles that fill their shelves.
Derek prescribes anti-psychotics for me. They come, like clockwork, every thirty days in the mail. I don’t bother to tell him that I stopped taking them nine months ago. While they did take away my urge to kill, they also took away every intelligent thought in my head. When I watch old webcam videos from that time, I cringe. I was a zombie, moving through mechanical sexual motions, my face slack, words dead.
So I stopped taking and started stockpiling them. On the upside, if I ever do decide to kill myself, I have over seven hundred pills waiting for me in this cabinet.
CHAPTER 12: Life After Death
I hear a knock at my door at 9:00 a.m. and pause my cam, interrupting a bald Asian man who is asking to see my feet. Jumping up, I jog across the linoleum ‘til I can see through the peephole. It is UPS Jeremy, holding a big box. “Leave it. Thank you,” I call loudly, watching him set down the package, scrawl something on his pad, then wave to me and walk away. I hold my ear to the door, waiting for the sound of the elevator, then jerk open the door, grab the huge cardboard box, and slam it shut again. I don’t lock it. I never lock my door. I figure if someone is stupid enough to come inside, they have ill motives and deserve to die at my hands. It’s one of my favorite fantasies, because it is one of the ones most likely to occur. I drop the heavy box on the floor and bound back to my pink bed, where the patient Asian waits. I apologize to him and hold up my feet, close to the cam so he can see them better.