“Yes and no. It was important to him that I know who she was, so I’m glad for that. But it makes me sad, too. They loved each other so much, and now she’s gone.”
“Yes.”
“It doesn’t seem fair.”
She offered a wistful smile. “It isn’t. The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it’s over. Those two elements always go together.”
“Even for you and me?”
“For everyone,” she said. “The best we can hope for in life is that it doesn’t happen for a long, long time.”
He pulled her onto his lap. He kissed her lips, then put his arms around her, holding her close, letting her hold him, and for a long time, they stayed in that position.
But as they were making love later that evening, Adrienne’s words came back to her. It was their last night together in Rodanthe, their last night together for at least a year. And as much as she tried to fight them, she couldn’t stop the tears as they slipped silently down her cheeks.
Fifteen
Adrienne wasn’t in the bed when Paul woke on Tuesday morning. He’d seen her crying during the night but had said nothing, knowing that speaking would bring him to tears as well. But the denial left him ragged and unable to sleep for hours. Instead, he lay awake as she fell asleep in his arms, nuzzling against her, not wanting to let go, as if trying to make up for the year they wouldn’t be together.
She’d folded his clothes for him, the ones that had been in the dryer, and Paul pulled out what he needed for the day before packing the rest in his duffel bags. After he showered and dressed, he sat on the side of the bed, pen in hand, scribbling his thoughts on paper. Leaving the note in his room, he brought his things downstairs and left them near the front door. Adrienne was in the kitchen, standing over the stove and stirring a pan of scrambled eggs, a cup of coffee on the counter beside her. When she turned, he could see that her eyes were rimmed in red.
“Hi,” he ventured.
“Hi,” she said, turning away. She began stirring the eggs more quickly, keeping her eyes on the pan. “I figured you might want some breakfast before you go.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“I brought a Thermos from home when I came, and if you want some coffee for the trip, you can take it with you.”
“Thank you, but that’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
She kept stirring the eggs. “If you want a couple of sandwiches, I can throw those together, too.”
Paul moved toward her. “You don’t have to do that. I can get something later. And to be honest, I doubt if I’ll be hungry anyway.”
She didn’t seem to be listening, and he put his hand on her back. He heard her exhale shakily, as if trying to keep from crying.
“Hey…”
“I’m okay,” she whispered.
“You sure?”
She nodded and sniffed as she removed the pan from the burner. Dabbing at her eyes, she still refused to look at him. Seeing her this way reminded him of their first encounter on the porch, and he felt his throat constrict. He couldn’t believe that less than a week had passed since then.
“Adrienne… don’t…”
She looked up at him then.
“Don’t what? Be sad? You’re going to Ecuador and I have to go back to Rocky Mount. Can I help it if I don’t want this to end just yet?”
“I don’t either.”
“And that’s why I’m sad. Because I know that, too.” She hesitated, trying to stay in control of her feelings. “You know, when I got up this morning, I told myself I wasn’t going to cry again. I told myself that I’d be strong and happy, so that you would remember me that way. But when I heard the shower come on, it just hit me that when I wake up tomorrow, you’re not going to be here, and I couldn’t help it. But I’ll be okay. I really will. I’m tough.”
She said it as though she were trying to convince herself. Paul reached for her hand.
“Adrienne… last night, after you went to sleep, I got to thinking that maybe I could stay a little while longer. Another month or two isn’t going to make much difference, and that way we could be together—”
She shook her head, cutting him off.
“No,” she said. “You can’t do that to Mark. Not after all that you two have been through. And you need this, Paul. It’s been eating you up; if you don’t go now, part of me wonders if you ever will. Spending more time with me isn’t going to make it any easier to say good-bye when the time comes, and I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I was the one who kept you and your son apart. Even if we planned for your leaving the next time, I’d still cry then, too.”
She flashed a brave smile before going on. “You can’t stay. We both knew you were leaving before the we part of us even began. Even though it’s hard, both of us also know it’s the right thing to do—that’s the way it is when you’re a parent. Sometimes there are sacrifices you have to make, and this is one of them.”
He nodded, his lips pressed together. He knew she was right but wished desperately that she wasn’t.
“Will you promise that you’ll wait for me?” he asked finally, his voice ragged.
“Of course. If I thought you were leaving forever, I’d be crying so hard, we’d have to eat breakfast in a rowboat.”
Despite everything he laughed, and Adrienne leaned into him. She kissed him before letting him hold her. He could feel the warmth of her body, smell the faintest trace of perfume. She felt so good in his arms. So perfect.