The contact comforted them both.
When they emerged into the kitchen, there was too much Last Meal chaos for any of the staff to really notice them - so fortunately there were no questions, no kind inquiries, no guesses about why they were all looking so serious.
Out the butler's pantry. Hop across to the hidden door beneath the staircase. Down into the tunnel to avoid the cold of the winter.
As they hung a right and headed in the opposite direction from the training center, he couldn't believe on some level that this was happening. His shitkickers even faltered a couple of times, like maybe they were trying to pull him away from this last piece.
He was resolved, however.
At the door that led into the Pit, V punched in the code and opened the way up, indicating that they should go first.
The place where Butch and V bunked in with their shellans was the same as always - except neater now that there were females cohabitating there: The Sports Illustrateds were in an orderly pile on the coffee table; the kitchen didn't have empty bottles of Lag and Goose all over the counters; and there were no more gym bags or biker jackets hanging off of everything.
V's Four Toys still took up one whole corner, however, and the massive plasma-screen TV remained the biggest thing in the place.
Some things would never change.
"She's in my room."
Tohr wouldn't ordinarily follow the guy into his private space, but this was not ordinary.
V and Doc Jane's room was small and had more books than bed in it, stacks of physics tomes and chemistry volumes crowding the rug until you could barely walk on it. The good doctor made sure the place wasn't a total pigsty, however, with the duvet all pulled up nice and neat, and the pillows angled carefully against the headboard.
Over in the corner, Vishous opened the closet and reached up to the top shelf, straining even with his height for...
The black velvet - wrapped bundle he brought out was big enough and heavy enough to require both hands, and he grunted as he eased back and carried it over to the bed.
As he put the thing down, Tohr had to force himself to keep breathing.
There she was. His Wellsie. Everything that was left of her on earth.
Lowering onto his knees before her, he reached forward and undid the satin bow at the top. With hands that shook, he pried the velvet bag open and pushed it down, revealing a sterling silver urn that had art deco etchings on its four sides.
"Where did you get this?" he said, running a forefinger down the bright, shiny metal.
"Darius had it in a back room. I think it's Tiffany, from the thirties. Fritz polished it up."
The urn was not part of their tradition.
Ashes were not meant to be kept.
They were supposed to be set free.
"It's beautiful." He glanced up at John. The kid's face was pale, his lips tight... and in a quick, slashing movement, he brushed under his left eye. "We're ready to do her Fade ceremony, aren't we, son."
John nodded.
"When?" V asked.
"Tomorrow night, I think." As John nodded again, Tohr said, "Yeah, tomorrow."
"You want I talk to Fritz and set it up?" V asked.
"Thanks, but I'll take care of it. John and I are going to do it." Tohr refocused on the lovely urn. "He and I are going to let her go... together."
Standing over Tohr, John was having a difficult time keeping it together. Hard to know what was getting to him more: the fact that Wellsie was actually in the room with them again, or that Tohr was kneeling before that urn as if his legs weren't working right.
The past couple of nights had been a brutal exercise in reorientation. It wasn't that he hadn't known Wellsie was gone; it was just... dismantling everything in that house had made that fact so loud, there was a constant screaming in his head.
Goddamn it, she was never going to know that he'd made it through his transition, or that he was a halfway decent fighter, or that he'd gotten mated. If he ever had a child of his own, she'd never hold it in her arms, or see a first birthday, or get to witness first steps or first words.
Her absence made his own life seem less full, and he had the awful feeling that that was always going to be true.
As Tohr bent his head, John went over and put his palm on the guy's heavy shoulder, reminding himself that however hard this was for him, what Tohr was going through was a thousand times worse. Shit, though, the Brother had been strong, making all those out and safe decisions about everything from pairs of jeans to pots and pans, working steadily in spite of the fact that he had to be raw on the inside.
If John hadn't respected the f**k out of the Brother before, he sure as hell did now -
"Vishous?" came a female voice down the hall.
John wrenched around. Xhex was here?
Tohr cleared his throat and pulled the velvet bag back into place. "Thanks, V. For taking such good care of her."
"V? You got a minute?" Xhex called out. "I need to - Oh, shit."
As she stopped herself, like she'd tweaked to the vibe in the bedroom from where she was out in front, Tohr got to his feet and nodded at John with a smile too generous to comprehend. "You'd best go to your female, son."
John hesitated, but then V stepped up and put his arms around his brother, whispering low words.
Giving the males some privacy, John went down to the living room.
Xhex was not surprised to see him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything."
It's okay. His eyes went to the carrying case in her hand. What's that?
Even though he knew... Holy shit, had she gotten the -
"That's what we need to find out."
In a sudden panic, he looked her over carefully, searching for signs of injury. There were none, though. She had gone in and come out in one piece.
John didn't mean to do it, but he lunged forward and grabbed her hard, holding her against his body. As she embraced him in return, he felt the rifle case press into his back, and he was just... really f**king glad she was alive. So f**king glad -
Shit, he was tearing up.
"Shh, John, it's okay. I'm safe. I'm all right...."
While he shuddered, she held him with the strength and power in her body, keeping him together, blanketing him with exactly the kind of deep love that Tohr had lost.
Why some people were lucky and others were not seemed the cruelest kind of lottery.
When he finally pulled back, he mopped up his face and then signed, Will you come to Wellsie's Fade ceremony?
There was no hesitation. "Absolutely."
Tohr says he would like the two of us to do it together.
"Good, that's good."
At that moment, Vishous and Tohr came back out, and both Brothers immediately locked eyes on that case.
"You are fan-fucking-tastic," V said with a kind of awe.
"Hold your ass-kissing - I haven't opened it yet." She held the thing out to the Brother. "Fingerprint lock. I need your help."
V grinned in an evil way. "Far be it from me to not come to the aid of a lady. Let's do this."
As the pair of them took the gun case over to the kitchen counter, John pulled Tohr aside. Nodding at the velvet-covered urn, he signed, Do you need me any further tonight?
"No, son, you stay with your female - I've got to go out for a little bit, actually." The guy stroked the velvet. "I'm going to put her in my room first, though."
Yeah, okay. Cool.
Tohr hugged him hard and fast, and then went out the door into the tunnel.
From over in the kitchen, Xhex said, "How are you going to - Well, yeah, that'll work."
The smell of burning plastic had John twisting around. V had removed his glove and put his glowing forefinger up against the locking mechanism, acidic smoke rising from the contact in nasty curls of dark gray.
"My prints tend to do the job on just about anything," the Brother said.
"Clearly," Xhex murmured, her hands on her hips, her taut body bent forward. "You ever barbecue with that thing?"
"Only lessers - and they ain't good eatin'."
Staying back, John stared across the way and just... Well, he was just amazed at the female. Who the f**k did shit like this? Going into the B.o.B.'s secured hideout. Rifling through, looking for a rifle, natch. Coming back like she'd done nothing more incredible than order a Starbucks.
As if she sensed his eyes on her, she glanced over.
Opening himself up emotionally, so that there were no barriers at all, he revealed to her everything he was feeling -
"Got it," V announced, retracting his glowing hand and regloving it.
Turning the gun case toward Xhex, the Brother said, "How'd you like to do the honors."
Xhex refocused and cracked open what she had brought home, the mangled locking mechanism falling apart.
Inside, there were a pair of rifles nested in black egg-crate padding, along with long-range scopes.
"Bingo," she breathed.
She'd done it, John thought. He was willing to bet his left nut that one of those guns was going to prove to be the rifle that shot Wrath.
She'd frickin' done it.
From out of his gut, a massive groundswell of pride rose, warming his entire body, stretching his lips into a smile so wide his cheeks hurt. Staring at his female, and the mission-critical evidence she'd brought into the fold, he was willing to bet he threw shadows, he was beaming so much.
He was just so incredibly... proud.
"Pretty goddamn promising." V closed up the case. "I've got the equipment we're going to need at the clinic - along with that bullet. Let's do this."
"One minute."
Xhex turned to John. Walked over to him. Took his face in her hands. As she stared up at him, he knew she was reading every bit of everything he had in him.
Rising up onto her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to his and spoke three words he hadn't expected to hear again anytime soon.
"I love you." She kissed him again. "I love you so much, my hellren."
Chapter Sixty-Nine
On the other side of the Hudson, down south from the Brotherhood compound, Autumn sat in the cabin in darkness, still occupying the same chair she'd settled into at the beginning of the night. She had long since willed the lights off, and the lack of illumination around her made the snow-covered landscape appear bright as day under the moon's glow.
From her vantage point, the river was a wide, motionless expanse, even though it was iced in only at its shores.
From her vantage point, she had seen little of the view before her, having dwelled instead on the stages of her life.
Many hours had passed since Xhex had checked in with her, the moon shifting position, the black shadows thrown by the trees pinwheeling around over the white ground. In many ways, time had no meaning, but it did have an effect: The longer she spent mulling over things, the more clearly she saw herself, her earlier realizations no longer a shock, but instead something she steeped herself in....
Something she began to change herself with -
At first, the dark slash that cut through the wintry vista seemed to be just another shadow cast by a tree trunk at the edge of the property. Except then it moved.
It was alive.
It was... not an animal.
It was a male.
A sudden shot of fear jerked her upright, but her instincts rushed forward and told her immediately who it was. Tohrment.
Tohrment was here.
Her first thought was to go down into the underground retreat and pretend she hadn't seen him - and considering how he waited on the lawn, giving her plenty of time to identify him, he seemed to be offering her that out.
She was not going to run, however. She'd done enough variations of that to last for several lifetimes.
Rising from the chair, she went to the door that opened toward the river and unlocked it, pushing it wide. Crossing her arms over her chest against the cold, she tilted up her chin and waited for him to come forward.
And he did. With an expression of somber purpose, the Brother approached slowly, his heavy boots crunching through the crusty top layer of the snow. He still looked the same, still tall and broad, with his thick, white-striped hair, and his handsome, grave face marked with lines of distinction.
How odd of her to measure him for some kind of metamorphosis, she thought.
Clearly, she was ascribing her own transformation to anyone and everyone.
As he stopped in front of her, she cleared her throat, easing the tickle of the bitterly frigid air. She did not speak first, however. That was his due.
"Thank you for coming out," he said.
She just nodded, unwilling to make whatever cursory apology he was about to offer easy on him. No, no more easing his way - or others'.
"I want to talk for a bit - if you have some time?"
Given the way the cold wind cut through her clothes, she nodded and stepped back inside. The interior of the cabin hadn't seemed particularly warm before; now it was tropical. And cramped.
Sitting back down in her chair, she let him choose whether to stand or not. He picked the former, and did so directly before her.
Upon a deep, bracing breath, he spoke clearly and succinctly, as if he had mayhap practiced his words: "I can't apologize enough for what I said to you. It was utterly unfair, and unforgivable. There's no excuse for it, so I'm not going to try to explain it away. I just - "
"You know what?" she cut in evenly. "There's a part of me that wants to tell you to go to hell... to take your apology, and your weary eyes, and your heavy heart, and never, ever get anywhere near me again."
After a long pause, he nodded. "Okay. I get that. I can totally respect that - "
"But," she cut him off again, "I've spent all night sitting in this chair, thinking about that candid soliloquy of yours. Actually, I've thought of little else since I left you." Abruptly, she glanced out at the river. "You know, you must have buried me on a night like tonight, didn't you."
"Yes, I did. Except it was snowing."
"It must have been hard to get through the frosted ground."
"It was."
"Blisters to prove it, yes, indeed." She refocused on him. "To be honest, I was fairly close to ruined when you left my recovery room at the training center. It's important to me that you realize that. After you departed, I had no thought, no feeling, nothing but breathing, and only because my body did that on its own."