“I told you he was a dud, didn’t I?” She tried to smile, but it felt really, really damn hard at the moment.
“If he doesn’t love you, then he’s a dumbass.”
“On that, we’re both agreed.”
Chapter Thirteen
Taylor ended up staying in Milwaukee a week. It was good to have the distraction so she wouldn’t think about Loch. Of course, she thought about him anyhow. The hurt she felt at his betrayal was still fresh, and what really sucked was that she missed him. She missed his smile, his teasing, his touch. She felt betrayed, of course, but she also felt . . . lonely. She’d have given him whatever he wanted if he’d been truthful with her, and instead, she just felt used.
She hated that she missed him. She should hate him, right? She should be filled with rage and justified anger at the way he treated her. Instead, she just felt . . . sad. Every night, she cried herself to sleep, hugging her pillow and wishing it was one of Loch’s big arms, and then she hated herself for still wanting him.
Her days were spent with Donna and Sig. Donna—Sig’s mom—had missed several days of work already and had no one to sit with Sig at the hospital while he recovered. Taylor volunteered and purchased every computer gaming magazine in the gift shop so they could mock some of the upcoming releases. They watched TV together, and she slept on the chair in his room while his mom went out. Sig seemed to be getting better, but he wasn’t keen on the doctor’s recommendation of ongoing therapy. Both Donna and Taylor had to press him hard to get him to even see the psychologist. After one session, though, he seemed a little more bright-eyed, and he hadn’t shunned Taylor’s suggestions of finding a local gaming group to hang out with.
“These guys play Magic: The Gathering every Friday,” she told him, handing him a flyer she’d ripped off the wall of a nearby comic book store. She’d spent a couple hundred dollars—all on her groaning MasterCard—to get Sig some backlist issues of a comic she thought he’d enjoy. “You should join them. I bought you some cards you can start with, too.”
He studied the flyer dubiously, then handed it back to her. “I’ve never played Magic. No one’s going to want to show me the ropes.”
“Oh, please. There’s always a few tools there, but most guys are usually willing to show you how to play. I promise.”
He was still unconvinced, so at Taylor’s insistence, they dropped in on the comic shop together and chatted with the sales guy. A quick drop-in turned into a three-hour play session. It turned out that the kid behind the counter—only a year older than Sig—also played Excelsior, and they’d played cards and chatted away the afternoon.
Sig declared that he’d go for Friday Night Magic as long as his new buddy Matt would be there, and Taylor sent up a silent prayer that Matt would be a good friend and not a douche. Already they’d decided to raid together in Excelsior, and Donna had said she would allow it, provided he didn’t panic.
Eventually, Taylor had to go back to New York. She helped Donna straighten up the small apartment, took Sig out for dinner, and then gave them both a dozen hugs at the airport as she readied to leave. “You know I’m only a phone call away, right?”
“I know,” Sig said, but he still looked sad. Poor kid.
She hugged him again. “And if you feel down, you talk to your therapist. And you go out and get some fresh air, all right?”
“Yes, Mom,” he mocked, rolling his eyes at her. “Don’t let that guy treat you like shit, all right?”
“Yes, Mom,” she teased him back.
***
“So how was Milwaukee?” Gretchen asked as they met for lunch the day after Taylor returned to New York.
“Well, I can’t say it was good because he did try to kill himself, but I think it was . . . cleansing?” Taylor shrugged and nibbled on a breadstick, crumbs going everywhere. She absently swiped them away. “We talked about our issues and I think we came to a better understanding.”
“I still can’t believe that it was a kid, and that he was blackmailing you.”
Sometimes Taylor didn’t believe it herself. “I just let things get out of control, you know?” She looked down at her chest and was surprised to see the sea of crumbs there. Jeez. Loch would have made a joke about her klutziness and offered to brush them off for her, but Loch was gone. She felt a pang of hurt and forced a bright smile on her face. “The good news is that he’s scaling back on the game and I’m quitting for a while.”
“That is good news.” Gretchen snagged a breadstick for herself and then gave Taylor a concerned look. “I just don’t want you to blame yourself for the situation, okay? People can be very self-destructive and you can’t save them unless they want to be saved. Look at my sister Daphne. She’s been a wreck for years.”
“I thought she was getting better?” She surreptitiously brushed at her breasts, wiping away the remnants of the breadstick. Gretchen didn’t talk about Daphne much, but Daphne also wasn’t in the wedding and Gretchen’s other sister Audrey was, so she knew there were issues.
“She’s out of rehab and is working through some therapy stuff, but how do I know if it’ll stick? It hasn’t in the past.” She shook her head sadly. “I’ve had to dissociate myself from her because it hurts too much. That’s why I’m warning you. People determined to destroy themselves will, regardless of what you do. The more miserable ones just try and bring others down with them.”