"She's doing better, thanks. They're monitoring her heart and think she'll be able to go home soon."
I nodded and left, closing the door behind me. I went to my desk, moving on autopilot as I retrieved my purse from my desk. I stuffed the picture of Jackson and me in my purse as well as a mug Jackson had given me with a picture of the Imagine memorial on it. I desperately wished that I could talk to Jackson now, but he was in an airplane heading towards his dreams.
"What's wrong?" Celeste whispered, as if she were afraid Janet would hear even though her door was closed. There was nothing left for me to take so I walked over to Celeste, determined not to cry.
"I got fired."
"What?!" shrieked Celeste, then lowered her voice quickly. "Why did you get fired?"
I shook my head. "I can't really talk about it now, Celeste. I have to leave. You have my email address. I hope we keep in touch."
Celeste gave me a fierce hug, looking confused and sad. I rode down the elevator for the last time and trudged home, not wanting to be in a crowded subway. The beautiful sunny day seemed like a slap in the face. I wanted it to be dark and stormy, just like my emotions.
After the long walk, I looked up and realized I was in front of Jackson's apartment building. I had come here automatically, wanting to feel close to him. There was no better place than his apartment where we spent so much time together.
"Hi, Sam," I said dully as I passed by him.
"Emma," he said smiling but then frowned as he got a closer look. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just tired."
I rode to the sixteenth floor as I stared at my reflection in the elevator doors. My face looked ashen and my eyes lifeless. I was still in a state of shock over what had happened.
I opened the front door with the key Jackson had given me a month into our relationship. I dropped my purse on the floor and walked to the bedroom, getting under the covers fully clothed. I was shivering even though it was warm in the apartment.
I kept replaying the scene in Janet's office over and over again. I was bitter that I hadn't defended myself more, but I hadn't known what to say. I should have insisted that she open up the file that I emailed her to show her the changes had been made.
But it was pointless to beat myself up over what I could've or should've done. It was over and I had to accept what had happened. I dragged myself out of bed to get my phone from my purse to see if Jackson had texted me.
Just landed. It's sunny and beautiful here but I'm missing you. Call you tonight. Love you.
I breathed in deeply as I stared at Jackson's words. I wondered if I was going to lose him too. I shook my head, my self-pity annoying me. I should feel lucky that I had someone so wonderful in my life, not wasting time worrying about the what-ifs. I could handle anything as long as I still had Jackson.
I texted him back quickly, trying to infuse my words with enthusiasm.
Happy to hear that! I miss and love you too. Good luck!
I returned to the bedroom and laid my cell phone on the bedside table, crawling back into bed. Despite my earlier brave thoughts, the tears I had been holding in came rushing out as I wept bitterly. I couldn't understand how this had happened.
I fell into an exhausted sleep, my tears having worn me out. I woke up with a start and checked the time. I saw that it was past seven o'clock, surprised that I had been asleep for four hours. I checked my phone to make sure I hadn't missed a call from Jackson, feeling disappointed when I saw I hadn't. I reminded myself that Jackson was three hours behind and it was still the afternoon for him.
I dragged myself out of bed and heated a can of soup. I ruefully thought that I never lost my appetite, even when I was depressed.
I watched TV for the rest of the night, constantly checking my phone to make sure it was still working and I hadn't missed a call. But Jackson didn't call that night. I went to bed with a heavy heart and a worried mind, wondering what could have prevented him from calling.
Chapter Ten
I woke up to my cell phone ringing and I checked the time, bleary-eyed. I couldn't believe it was already nine o'clock as I scrambled for the phone. My heart leapt when I saw that it was Jackson.
"Hello?"
"Hi, sweetheart!" Jackson sounded happy.
"Hi, Jackson," I said, trying to sound normal. "How's L.A.?"
"It's great! I'm sorry I didn't call you last night, but I didn't get back to the hotel until late, even with the time difference, and I didn't want to disrupt your sleep. John Warner actually took me out to dinner along with a bunch of people from the movie. Can you believe it!?"
Jackson sounded so enthusiastic and excited; it just made me more depressed. But I tried to mask it.
"That's great! I assume that the audition went well then."
"I think so. I won't know for sure if I got the part for a while, but they want me to do some more readings with other potential cast members."
"I'm happy for you, Jackson. I'm sure you're going to impress them."
"Are you at work right now? You sound kind of funny."
I paused as my eyes filled with tears. I didn't want to bring Jackson down and I didn't want him to worry about me. He had to focus on what he was doing in L.A. There would be plenty of time for him to commiserate with me when he got back.
"I'm just feeling a little under the weather. I think I may be catching a cold. I called in sick today."
"Are you taking any medicine?" Jackson asked, sounding concerned. "Crap. Why did you have to get sick while I'm gone?"
"I'll be fine, Jackson," I said, forcing a laugh. "I think I can handle a bout with the common cold."
"Where are you right now?"
"At your apartment. I didn't want to get Claire sick since I'm probably contagious."
Jackson sighed heavily. "I'll try to get back as soon as possible. I can ask Mark if they can shift some meetings around so it's condensed into a couple of days."
"Don't you dare!" I exclaimed, feeling a true emotion finally break through the haze of depression I had been in. I was horrified at the thought that Jackson would risk his big break over something as trivial as a cold. Even if I had told him what happened and how depressed I was, there was no way I would let him risk his shot at breaking into the industry by making demands before he even got the role. "If you do that, I'll be really mad. I mean it. You said you were coming home Friday and if you come back earlier, I'll interrogate Mark to get the truth."
"Okay, okay," Jackson conceded. "I just hate the thought of you sick and alone."