Jackson sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Do you really want to do this out here where your neighbors can hear everything?"
I glared at him but opened the door wider and stepped back, letting him in.
"You have five minutes," I said as he walked in. "Then you have to leave."
Jackson didn't answer me as he looked around my apartment. I saw it through his eyes and thought it was probably laughable to him. For a big star like Jackson, my apartment probably looked dinky and underwhelming. It fueled my anger and when I saw him pick up a picture of my father on my bookshelf, I stalked over and snatched it out of his hands.
"Five minutes," I said through gritted teeth.
Jackson didn't seem affected by my demand and simply looked down at me, but I couldn't read his expression, his eyes shadowed by the bill of his cap.
"Aren't you going to offer me anything to drink?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.
"Jackson, I don't know what games you're trying to play. I don't know why you're here, but I don't have time for this. Either say whatever it is you're here to say or leave."
"You're different," he said flatly. "Where's the Emma that was full of life? You used to get ridiculously happy over the simplest things. Remember when I won that plastic bracelet for you at Coney Island and you fell all over yourself, acting like I had just given you the crown jewels?"
I pressed my lips together, pushing the memory aside. I didn't want to think about the good times, the moments of pure happiness that had made me believe life was beautiful. Those memories were now tainted with Jackson's betrayal.
"Are you here to wax nostalgic? If so, you might as well leave."
Jackson's mouth twisted in return. "Fine. I just came here to get some facts straight. Did you marry Sean?"
I sighed in frustration. "I already told you I've never been married. To Sean or anybody else. Not that it matters."
Jackson took his cap off and shoved his hand through his hair, looking confused. Now that I had an unadulterated view of his face, I tensed even more. I was warring against a tide of sadness and regret, reminding myself that our relationship had been a sham.
"I don't understand," Jackson said, shaking his head. "I thought you and Sean got married."
"Now you know that we didn't," I said, speaking slowly as if I were talking to someone who was slow to understand. "Is that all?"
Jackson grimaced, his green eyes piercing into me. "If I had known..."
"If you had known, then what?" I countered when he faltered. "I told you that we didn't belong together." I didn't bring up the fact that I had called a week later to beg for Jackson's forgiveness and for him to take me back. My pride wouldn't let me revisit that moment, even though I knew Jackson was well aware of it. The moment where I realized that Jackson had betrayed me.
Jackson breathed in deeply, watching me uncertainly. "I guess nothing. If you really thought we didn't belong together, I guess I didn't have a chance. I just - when I heard that you were married, it made everything final. Claire thought-"
"Didn't I tell you not to mention her name?" I spat out. "I don't want to talk about her. In fact, I don't want to talk to you at all. Get out!"
Jackson grabbed my arms roughly, pulling me towards him and making my head fall back as he shook me. "Why do you get so upset when I mention her name?" he demanded.
I laughed humorlessly, feeling as if my heart were breaking again. "I'm sorry, am I supposed to feel kindly towards the bitch you slept with?"
Jackson froze, his expression guilty, and I realized he still had the power to hurt me. Even though I knew he had cheated on me with Claire, the confirmation on his face killed me. I knew that I could never forgive him. It was more than his sleeping with Claire. It was because he had made me believe in a dizzying love that had been false. He had made me believe in soul mates and happily ever after, only to snatch that happiness away.
"How do you know?" he whispered, his voice sounding strained. "How did you find out?"
I pulled out of his grasp and sneered at him, trying to mask the wound that had been ripped open anew. "How do you think? Or is it not important enough for you to remember? She told me herself."
Jackson steeled his expression, the panic in his eyes vanishing behind a mask of coldness. "You can't really blame me, can you? You were the one to reject me."
A haze of fury rose in me and I felt myself start to shake. All the pain and anguish I had buried for years erupted, fueled by his indifferent attitude.
"You bastard," I yelled, striking him with my fists. "I trusted you! I gave you fucking everything and you threw it away! Were you laughing at me? Were the two of you laughing at me behind my back while you fucked each other?!"
I didn't care that I was openly sobbing as I frantically beat against his chest. All reason left me and I was just left with raw emotion. I felt like a wild animal that had been hurt and was expending my last bit of strength to retaliate.
"Stop it!" Jackson grabbed my wrists in a vise-like grip, stopping my assault on him. His expression was like ice, at odds with the pain I saw in his eyes. I was heaving with emotion, trapped by his grasp as sanity came back. I was disgusted that I had let myself be so affected by him.
"Let me go," I said in a low voice, unable to break free from his iron grip. Jackson tentatively let go of my wrists and instead of continuing my assault, I stepped back, needing to get some space between us.
"Why are you here, Jackson?" I continued in an emotionless voice. "What possible reason could you have to be here? What's the point of revisiting the past?"
"It's because I need to know the truth," Jackson replied, his face hard. "Don't I deserve it?"
I laughed mirthlessly. "Do you? All that matters is the truth now. And the truth now is that I never want to see you again."
Jackson stepped towards me, his face flashing with anger. "Just answer my questions and I'll be gone from your life forever. I have my own life to get back to. I just want to put this to rest."
I scrubbed my face with my hands, feeling exhausted from the intense emotions that had gone through me. I just felt resigned now, so I nodded my head. "Fine. Anything to make you leave."
Jackson's eyes flared at my statement but he spoke in an even voice. "Were you telling me the truth when you told me that you wanted to be with Sean?"
The importance of this question confused me. I didn't understand why it mattered, especially since he had been screwing Claire the entire time we had been together. And the fact that I had called a week later to beg him to take me back should have been indication enough. I paused, not sure how to answer his question.