"Are you okay?" Jackson asked between gritted teeth.
"I'm okay. Just go slow."
It was a torturous process as I hovered on the edge of pain and pleasure, but I desperately wanted Jackson to have this part of me. I was panting by the time he was fully sheathed inside of me.
"Shit." Jackson grabbed my hips, stilling them. "Don't move or I'm going to come."
I disregarded his words, pushing my hips forward and back slowly, his erection sliding in and out of my anus. I tried to relax completely, wanting Jackson to have me in this way, as no other man had. It was erotic and thrilling to have him inside my dark place, to feel as though we were doing something forbidden. "I want you to come, Jackson. Come in my ass."
Jackson made a strangled sound as he lost control, thrusting into me, increasing the tempo as my body became acclimated. I could hear the slapping sounds of contact every time he hammered into me, his fingers rubbing my clit feverishly. The pressure mounted to an almost intolerable point and I screamed as I came, panting wildly as my lower body rippled. Jackson shouted as he rammed into me for the last time, his shaft convulsing as he shot into me.
I collapsed onto the bed on my stomach and I felt Jackson slip out of me and fall next to me. He gathered me close, brushing my hair out of my face and looking concerned.
"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"
I shook my head, leaning over to kiss him gently. "No, it felt good. I never even knew I wanted to do that, but I seem to want to do everything with you."
Jackson's eyes glimmered with intensity. "I feel the same way about you. I've never done that before with anyone. I've never wanted to. But I can't get enough of you. I want every part of you." He paused before continuing. "I love you, Emma. I've never stopped loving you."
I caressed his cheek, the stubble raspy against my fingertips. "I love you too, Jackson. I've always loved you." I kissed him gently. "I'll always love you."
Jackson groaned as he gathered me close. We stayed silently intertwined for hours, not wanting to say anything that would break the spell of our confessions.
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning was bright and beautiful, made even more wonderful by the fact that I woke up next to Jackson. He was still asleep, breathing softly, and I took the chance to drink him in, resisting the urge to touch him. Jackson had looked like he hadn't slept in a while, and I wanted him to get as much rest as possible.
I gently lifted Jackson's arm that was wrapped around my waist, intending to ease out as quietly as possible. I froze when I heard him make a sound, glancing over quickly at his face, but he was still sleeping peacefully. I resumed the removal of his arm so I could get up when I heard him make a noise again, almost a hum.
"Jackson," I whispered cautiously. "Are you awake?"
Jackson hummed in response and I couldn't suppress a small giggle, thinking he was dreaming yet responding to me at the same time. I was wondering what he was dreaming about when his eyes suddenly fluttered open, a wide grin stretching across his face.
"Laughing at me, are we?" He reached over with an evil cackle, wiggling his fingers in anticipation of tickling me. I couldn't help shrieking before he even touched me, struggling to escape the iron band of his arm that had tightened around me.
"You were playing possum!" I exclaimed, the shrieks interspersed with laughter as he tickled me mercilessly. Jackson leaned over me, his eyes sparkling and looking so carefree, like the Jackson I used to know. He stopped his assault, smiling down at me as my laughter faded. My heart squeezed, knowing I was putting my heart in danger again. But I couldn't seem to care.
"That's what you get for trying to escape." Jackson gave me a quick kiss and rolled over, bounding out of bed. He pulled on his jeans and the sight of him bare chested with his jeans hanging from his hips was almost enough to make me salivate. He waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. "I can see those dirty thoughts in your head, you know."
I burst out laughing, my happiness almost too much to bear. It felt so good to be able to laugh with Jackson, to not feel the burden of regret and betrayal. I was determined to hold onto that feeling.
"I need to take a shower and go to work," I said, sitting up and wrapping the sheet around me. "What are you doing today?"
"I have a couple of meetings, but most of it will be spent waiting around for you. Romero's tonight?"
I nodded, drinking in the sight of Jackson's carefree face, the shadows no longer weighing him down. "There's some coffee in the cupboard over the stove if you want to make some while I shower."
I sat in my bed for a few moments after Jackson left to make coffee, wanting to pinch myself to check if I was dreaming. It felt natural to settle back into our old routine of Jackson making coffee while I showered. So much for taking it slow. It was still yet to be seen if our newly revived relationship could survive the realities of present day.
I showered quickly, eager to join Jackson in the kitchen. As I was dressing, my hand hovered over my jewelry box. Before I could give it too much thought, I opened it and pulled out the diamond pendant, clasping it around my neck. I slid the pendant beneath my shirt, wanting to wear it, yet not quite ready for Jackson to see me with it.
"Mmm, the coffee smells good," I announced as I walked into the kitchen. "How come it always tastes so much better when someone else makes it?"
Jackson was leaning over the counter, a mug in his hand. He looked up when he heard me enter, an odd expression on his face.
"Aren't you supposed to be filling that instead of just staring at it?" I joked. I stilled when I realized which mug he was holding. It was the one with a picture of John Lennon's Imagine memorial on it, the one Jackson had given me long ago, the one that I had used every day at Mass Comm to drink my coffee, loving the feeling of being close to both Jackson and my father even when we were apart. The mug I had clutched like a lifeline when I had been fired, taking nothing except that and the picture of Jackson and me.
"You still have this," he said softly, watching me. "I thought you would have thrown away everything that reminded you of me."
I walked over to Jackson, wrapping my arms around his waist. "I meant it when I said leaving you was a mistake. I've always regretted it."
"Then why didn't you reach out to me?" Jackson asked, sounding pained. Anger flared inside of me at his words. As much as I loved Jackson, it was going to be hard to forgive his unfaithfulness, especially since he didn't seem to even remember the day Claire had told me about them. I would live with that memory forever. I didn't understand how Jackson could claim to love me, yet not realize how devastating it had been for him to cheat on me with Claire throughout our whole relationship. He seemed apologetic, but not to the degree that I would expect. However, I realized that if I was ever going to have a future with Jackson, I would have to get past it. Because I truly believed that he loved me. Maybe it had just become a habit with Claire that was hard to break. Even though a part of me was desperate to ask him questions about her, I wasn't sure if I could handle the answers.