“I hear you, but I’m kind of wondering if that ship’s sailed. At this point you’re already emotionally involved with him. If you break it off now, it’s still going to hurt.”
“Maybe a little pain now is better than a lot of pain later . . .”
She shrugged and looked at her phone. “Shit, I have to run to class. Keep me posted though, okay? We can talk more tonight.”
I nodded and watched her pack up. She left with a wave, leaving me alone to think. Talking with Daniela had confused me even more. I had been assuming that Hunter was seeing lots of different girls, but the fact that he was alone on Valentine’s Day made me question that. What if he did want to be my boyfriend? Did I want that? Could I handle that right now?
I didn’t know. Sighing, I packed up my stuff and headed outside. Maybe the cold air would help me clear my mind.
After walking for a few minutes, I took a seat on a bench in the Arts Quad and pulled out my sketchbook. The snow had eased up, leaving a thin layer on the landscape. It was one of those beautiful winter scenes you could put on a Christmas card. I scanned my surroundings hoping for inspiration to sketch something.
Nothing was coming. It was such a beautiful day, but I couldn’t find the right subject to focus on. I inhaled a deep breath and put my pencil down. As I exhaled, I watched my breath in the cold winter air disappear.
Hunter and I hadn’t been in contact since the kiss yesterday. It was an unusually long time for us to not at least exchange a text message. Barely thinking, I picked my pencil back up and began sketching Hunter from memory. The lines came easily: his hard gray eyes, pronounced cheekbones, and strong jaw came from my pencil as if they were meant to. I quickly had a workable sketch of his face. The pensive expression I gave him in my sketch reflected what I was feeling. After completing the shading, I realized I didn’t know how Hunter felt about our kiss. Was he as confused as I was?
I decided to break the silence and send him a message.
Hey Hunter, you wanna talk about what happened yesterday? Maybe later?
Before I could hit send, I received a message from Hunter. Hey Lorrie, just wondering what you’re up to.
I deleted my original message and typed out a reply. Just sitting on a bench outside Wheatley. It’s cold. Brrr.
I hit ‘send’ and waited for a reply. It came seconds later.
I’m at the Engineering building now. Sit tight, I’ll see ya in a bit!
I waited a few minutes but didn’t receive a reply. Shrugging, I put my phone back in my pocket and turned my attention back to my sketchpad.
“Hello,” a voice called from directly behind me.
I jumped in my seat and crumpled up the sketch. “Hunter, stop sneaking up on me while I’m drawing!”
He came around the bench and took a seat next to me. “Why’d you crumple up your sketch? You’re gonna ruin it that way. Can I see it?”
I shook my head. “It’s not ready.”
“Okay. Well, you know I like seeing the drawings you do. I think you have a lot of talent.”
I turned to him and saw he had a rose in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. My heart skipped a beat.
“What are those for?” I asked.
“Brought you some gifts,” he said brightly. “I messed up, Lorrie. I wasn’t sure how you felt about me so I didn’t get you anything for Valentine’s Day. I thought about it, but then I figured you might get pissed off or feel awkward if I got you something.”
A bit confused, I tried to put a smile on my face as I took the gifts from him. “Hunter, this is really sweet, but you didn’t have to do this.”
“Of course I did.” He sucked in a deep breath, his large chest expanding. “Lorrie, you mean a lot to me. I know you’re afraid that I’m gonna hurt you but I hope you know by now that I’d never do that. After that kiss, I was thinking that we should give dating a shot.”
My eyebrows raised. “Wait, what? Who said anything about dating?”
He smiled and laughed. “We kissed yesterday. It meant a lot to me, and I know it meant a lot to you too.”
Suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation, I offered the rose and chocolates back to him. Knowing Hunter’s casual relations with other girls, I hadn’t anticipated him interpreting the kiss as seriously as he did. “Hunter,” I said soberly. “I really appreciate all of this. But a kiss is just a kiss. It doesn’t mean I’m ready to date you.”
He furrowed his brows, ignoring my attempt to give him back his gifts. “Why are you trying to give me back your presents? Are you saying it didn’t mean anything to you?”
I brought the rose and chocolates back to my lap. “No, that’s not it at all. I’m just saying I’m not ready to move beyond friendship. I don’t want that kiss to change anything between us.” I took a calm breath, expecting him to be as understanding as he had been when I got angry about sleeping over at his place. As sweet as Hunter was, and as much as I enjoyed hanging out with him, being ‘just friends’ had enough stressful moments—gossip, drama, being distracted from school work. Dating would only multiply that.
He paused for a moment. “I can’t accept that. Not after what happened yesterday.”
My eyes widened. “What? Why?”
“I felt the way you kissed me back. I was fine being just friends if you didn’t have romantic feelings for me. But now I know you do, and you already know I have feelings for you.”
Was he really going to argue with me about how I felt? I fished for an appropriate response. “My feelings for you are purely platonic,” I said evenly. “I think of you as an older brother, not as a romantic partner. One kiss doesn’t change that.”
“Platonic?” he asked, his eyebrows high. “Do you even know what platonic means? The way your hips moved against mine was anything but platonic. Dammit Lorrie, I even tried to pull away. I wasn’t sure you wanted it, but you pulled me right back in.”
Blood rushed to my face as I remembered the sensation of his leg against my crotch and his hair between my fingers. I looked around to make sure no one was listening. “So I let myself get caught up in the heat of the moment and now we can’t be friends?” I asked, my voice rising. “You of all people shouldn’t be making assumptions off of one kiss.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Did I really have to spell it out for him? “Those girls gave you a blowjob and you didn’t think anything of it.”